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My parents have given me a ton of great advice that they collected through their many life experiences, most of which I disregarded while being a know-it-all teenager. Finally, years later, I can admit how right they were. Especially when it comes to managing emotions.
Their Advice
Son, there are going to be many, many times in your life when you’re going to experience a variety of strong emotions and not be sure how to express them. There are going to be people that will backstab you, put you down, and frankly, make you want to punch them in the face. 99 percent of the time, you won’t be able to. You’ll have to take constructive criticism, unconstructive criticism, and occasionally flat-out insults in both your personal and professional life, and you’re going to have to be extremely selective when picking your battles.
Yes, I have people in my life who I would love to give a knuckle sandwich (apparently my dad is 80 years old), but that would only make me look as bad as them and give them what they want. If you keep your head up and let your actions do the talking, people will notice, both in the workplace and in life. It will suck, and it will feel like you’re losing, but you’ll come out on top. If you do find yourself in a situation that you need to stand up to someone, just make sure it’s for a cause that is worth it. Know where your line in the sand is, and if someone crosses that, stand your ground. It’s better to lose a fight than it is to lose respect for yourself.
Also, when something good happens to the people you care about, swallow your jealousy and celebrate with them. There is enough good fortune to go around, and just because they got some doesn’t mean there’s any less for you. Finally, tell the people in your life what they mean to you. You never know what will happen in this world, and if you keep thinking you can tell them later, you may not get the chance. If someone helped you, tell them you appreciate them, and hopefully they will do the same with you. Life kicks everyone in the balls sometimes and loved ones are the biggest commodity we have.
Ways I Should Have Listened
I’ve been a hothead my whole life. When I feel slighted, or that something is unfair, my first reaction is to attack the person or the system responsible. I should have taken this advice in high school instead of telling my teacher to go fuck herself when she told me that I must have cheated on the test since I wasn’t smart enough to get an A. I had just actually studied for it once. Tacking on another suspension to my record was not a good look, and I could have avoided it by staying calm for one minute.
I also should have listened to my parents when they told me to control my temper on the ice. I chose to get five suspensions during my high school hockey career instead. The fights may have been justified, but I was the one who had to sit out for weeks while the other kids got to keep playing. I’ve yelled at teachers, coaches, my parents, and my girlfriends for things that could have been much more easily resolved with a respectful conversation. Even in my first job after college, I should have heeded this advice. Instead, I was told to “go cool off” by my boss after getting heated because the company absolutely stiffed me on a raise that I was promised (I’m still a little mad about that.) Instead of arguing my point with calm logic, all my outburst did was show them that I couldn’t even manage my own temper.
I’ve found it hard to swallow my pride and apologize when I was in the wrong or show appreciation for those who had helped me and it was a driving factor in the end of some relationships and friendships.
How I’ve Started Listening
More recently, I’ve started giving myself room to breathe and think logically before letting my emotions get the better of me. When I was unexpectedly laid off recently, my first reaction was to burn all bridges with my boss. Instead, I sucked it up, took a few minutes, and sincerely thanked her for the opportunity to work there.
Of course, my parents still get under my skin (my mom is currently laying on the biggest guilt trip of her life on me because I’m only seeing her for 60 percent of my visit home this weekend), but instead of immediately starting to yell, I’ve tried to have a calm conversation with her. She’s still mad at me and nothing has been resolved, but I’m happy with myself for not losing my cool.
I’ve even gotten better about taking criticism without immediately getting defensive and combative, which will be a huge help as most of my professional life is working my ass off on an ad campaign only to get it shot down. It’s definitely not a perfect system. I have still been known to snap at my rec league teammates if they fuck up, and just this weekend I yelled at the bartender I was working with to get off her ass and help me clean. Every time I count to ten instead of blowing my lid, people are much more willing to talk with me and actually help resolve my issue, and that just proves it – my parents were right. .
Respond
Nick Arcadia
The opposite of a life coach. Email or DM me if you want some bad advice: nickarcadiapgp@gmail.com
@noampao
noamio
A teacher who accuses their student of not being smart enough to do well on a test is a bad teacher.
Telling that teacher to go fuck herself was absolutely justified in that scenario.
In high school my AP lit teacher told me I wasn’t smart enough to pass the AP exam. I ended up not studying for it and passing, I made sure to go back to her class the next year and calmly let her know that I had passed without studying and she was wrong about me. I will never forget the look on her face.
I had an asshole friend who took 3 AP exams without taking the AP classes…got 5’s on all of them.
As a teacher, I concur.
My advisor in college told me I wasn’t smart enough to declare statistics as a major, and suggested I switch to something easier.
So what’d you major in?
Statistics. Not a great GPA but a good personality goes a long way as a math major, so I got a decent job too
Good for you, fuck that adviser.
Haters gonna hate. Statistics will actually get you somewhere, as opposed to a History degree that a shitty advisor would probably recommend.
Fuck you man I have an undergrad degree in history and it has prepared me well for law school.
Holy shit that is one of the most hipster pictures I’ve ever seen.
Reminds me of the album cover for “Paradise Valley” by John Mayer.
But what if your dog gets punted off a bridge?
via GIPHY
Now that is a glass case of emotion
Great read, man. I graduated high school with a 0.9% GPA, I was basically asked to leave. All my teachers would pull me aside and ask why I’m not excelling, I never did home work, I didn’t show up to class a lot of times because I’d go to the cafeteria study blocks to chill with friends. They used to say I wasn’t smart enough to go to college yet I was in AP physics, chemistry, and English and murdered every test. They hated me. They reported me to the guidance counselor and a school parole officer and I would have to sit down with this guy twice a week so he could talk me into being interested in school they’d make me take aptitude tests and solve problems in front of him, with no luck one day he snapped and screamed at me and said I’d never amount to anything and I won’t go to college and I’m an idiot. 2 weeks later, I was pulled back into their office and shown my results. I was told my IQ was on the high end of the spectrum and then they said I was a disappointment that wasted my abilities. I pulled out a piece of paper showing my acceptance to college for architectural engineering and my signature showing my commitment as a recruit for lacrosse (which was the only reason I got into college) and then I laughed at him and walked out. Top 3 best days of my life.
The moral of this story kids, is that I sound like mch and ATLguy with that comment and that’s not a good place to be in.
Had 99% of my engineering class look down on me for getting c’s in college. I’ve thrown out some of their resumes when they were forwarded to me since we went to same school. Humble brag, yeah yeah, but be careful who you talk down to because you never know what the future holds
This definitely resonates–when I was growing up, my parents frequently said that how we choose to react to what happens is usually more important than what happens itself. Sounds like you’re doing a great job working on keeping your cool.
Word bro…to get angry or upset by what someone tells you is losing control of yourself and no shit bag nobody should be able to wield your emotions on a whim against you. emotions are a powerful thing and being able to keep them in check when needed is definitely a valuable attribute that you learn as you age. Very few people should have that great of an impact on your outlook or how you feel unless they’ve earned that right. Good column and also agree that the cover picture is hipster AF.
My high school advisor said I wasn’t smart enough to go to college and I shouldn’t waste my time applying. I decided to apply anyway. I graduated with a bachelor’s and master’s degree. I made copies of my diplomas and went back to my high school and delivered them with a note to her saying, “You were wrong about me.”
This hit me right in the feels.
There was/is nothing better than a good ole donnybrook on the ice from time to time