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Okay, the shirt isn’t that big. But if he sized down, it would definitely be too small. But just the cut of the shirt with the way it falls on his body makes him wonder to himself, “Man, is this too big?” before coming to us and asking the same question. It’s just a simple Patagonia long sleeve t-shirt, but so you have a visual of what we’re working with here, it’s this. Truth be told, it’s a great shirt. I have two.
All I know is that Matt Cisneros, Grandex’s SVP of Sales & Business Development, is really self-conscious about his shirt and I need to put him over the edge. He’s the one on the right in the above photo, next to Dillon and Ross. I’ve just been sitting here at my desk trying to come up with ideas for jokes to walk into his office and drop on him, but nothing is sticking out more than the others.
Here’s what I’ve got so far, and I’m not opposed to outside opinions.
Hey Matt, what was the name of the guy you shacked with last night that gave you that shirt?
Too bad Steve Avery didn’t have that thing to cover up the RAV4.
When did you start shopping in Patagonia’s maternity department?
Are you trying to increase the drag at your SoulCycle class or something?
Hey man, you alright? You’re looking kind of thin.
Is this an outdoorsy take on Seinfeld’s Puffy Shirt?
Where’d you parachute in from?
Oh, hey, I like your beach cover-up.
Be careful at lunch, we’re under a wind advisory and I wouldn’t want you to get taken away.
Honey, I Shrunk The Matt.
When did Man Outfitters start selling nightgowns?
Is that one of those t-shirts they shoot out of cannons at Spurs games?
What Rose Bowl float did you steal that off of?
Is this like a Patagonia x Kanye type deal? .
Image via Instagram
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Will
Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.
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Are you patagonna buy a shirt that fits next time?
I’ll see myself out…
For someone reason this instantly read in a dad voice in my head. Not surprised. I like it.
i didn’t hate this.
Are Madison and Ryan paying you in leftover Rowdy Gentleman stock again, Matt?
What’s next yoga pants?
Walk behind him slowly and hold up the back of his shirt while humming “here comes the bride.”
How’d you work off all that holiday weight so quick?
Didn’t know Rex Ryan let you borrow his favorite dress shirt.
But he’s wearing a t-shirt, bro.
let’s be honest here, Rex Ryan’s idea of a “dress shirt” is probably that t-shirt.
Did you steal that sweater from Mr. Bean? #gotem
Did he join a sorority?
#lampshading
Working with grown ups has really destroyed my insulting one-liners. All I can think of is passive aggressive comments suitable for a sorority girl like him.
Remind him that if he dries his clothes on high heat, they’ll shrink to fit.
I’ll probably never wear this shirt again.
SOULJA BOY TELL ‘EM!