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“I need to get more protein,” I heard a voice mutter next to me, as I glanced up from my computer screen.
I stared at where the words came from for a moment, not quite sure if I was hallucinating. His eyes bore into my soul as he waited for a response, so I grudgingly I pulled out one of my headphones and turned my full attention to him.
“What did you say?” I asked, still wary about where this conversation was going.
He looked towards me with a light of determination in his eyes that I had never seen, and repeated the phrase I never thought I’d hear him say, “I just really need to get more protein.”
It’s not so much that I haven’t heard this before. I have from plenty of guys in the past. My horrible ex who was obsessed with P90X couldn’t go longer than a few hours without claiming that he needed another chicken breast to reach his goal. Get a group of guys together and they’re bound to discuss their pulled-from-the-internet gym routines and powder preferences. Hell, walk through the weight room floor and take a sip of some high-quality H20 every time you heard the word “protein.” You’re sure as shit going to be hydrated by the time you make it to the other side of the room.
So, why was this so shocking now? Because my boyfriend had never been like that. Sure, he’d go to the gym every once in a while, and we’d go on hikes if the weather was nice and if we brought a backpack of beer (and if I managed to get to the trailhead without complaining so much that we just turned around. It’s happened). But he was never a fitness-obsessed, calorie-counting, protein-tracking monster. We have our favorite pizza place on speed-dial (wait, is speed-dial still a thing?). We created our own recipe for buffalo chicken mac ‘n’ cheese because no place did it right. Sometimes for dinner, we literally just eat an entire loaf of French bread and a block of aged, sharp cheddar cheese. But as he sat across from me, typing our most recent meal into his heath app, it was like I had never seen him before.
In his defense, he’s eating right and working out for his health. His family has a history of high blood pressure and after going to the doctor, he was told he needed to get his shit together. Once you graduate college and become an adult, I guess that’s something to think about. Who knew? Not me. So, I sat there like an asshole wondering what happened to my nacho-eating man.
The truth is — my boyfriend’s diet is ruining my life.
For the first time ever, I feel bad for all of the guys I dragged along for my years of fad diets. Because when you’re in a relationship and 1/2 of the group decides to eat healthily and do fitness things, the whole group has to do it. It’s not a choice for you. As I think back to a number of times I wouldn’t let a guy order Chinese food, or I would make unseasoned, skinless chicken breasts and broccoli for dinner and act like it didn’t taste like cardboard, my heart hurts. I made the men in my life give up carbs, skip on dessert, and avoid alcohol due to the extra calories, and now karma has come to get me. I’ve finally learned that the worst way to go on a diet is when your significant other goes on one, and you’re guilted into it even though you’re totally fine living a few more months of the fat life.
Because the reality is, if I don’t go on a diet with my boyfriend, I’m just a giant bag of trash. I can’t sit next to him eating pasta as he shoves a salad down his throat. I mean, I can. And I already have. But there comes a time when I have to accept that this diet thing isn’t going to go away. Or until it goes away or he dies, I have to support him or else I become the monster.
So I’ll be supportive. I’ll make the spaghetti squash, and I’ll pin low-sodium, high-protein recipes with the same fervor I’ve been pinning ideas for our hypothetical wedding for the past 3.5 years. But if he starts doing fucking Juicero , I swear to God, I’m done. .
Respond
Rachel Varina
if it doesn't have snack or seats, i'm not there. hate mail/Sunny references can be sent to itsrachelvarina@gmail.com
@rachelvarina
@rachelvarina
We get it. You have a boyfriend.
My girlfriend is constantly writing internet articles about me and it’s ruining my life.
Rachel posts “this guy” or “in love with my best friend” Facebook statues at least once per month.
Came in here to post this.
“My boyfriend is on a diet and it’s running my life”
“My boyfriend got fat and now I’m not attracted to him”
Seems like either way, you’re going to complain.
“Oh my God, my boyfriend is trying to better himself. Uggghhhhhhhhh.”
“ugggh, now he’ll be in better shape and it may lead to me wanting to have sex with him more.”
cut the man some slack, at least he is trying to be healthy and look good.
This reads almost as if DeFries wrote it for TGDAG
This read like it was deFries writing about his boyfriend.
“Because the reality is, if I don’t go on a diet with my boyfriend, I’m just a giant bag of trash. I can’t sit next to him eating pasta as he shoves a salad down his throat.”
1. Have you met Quinn? I hear she’s also a trash person.
2. Have you ever considered that maybe your boyfriend doesn’t care that you eat pasta while he’s eating salad and you’re building resentment toward him for no reason other than overthinking things?
But that way she can’t make his diet about her.
Oh right, I didn’t think about the selfishness of basic bitches.
Not having a boyfriend to ruin my life PGPM.
I mean we can ruin each others’ lives though…sup?
Hey! You fucking leave the Juicero out of this. You hear me?…I mean, read me!? It’s been through enough lately and it’s on suicide watch now. Just because it looks like a colostomy bag/robot afterbirth smashed into a Capri Sun doesn’t make it a useless product. There are people out there with no hands who aren’t lucky enough to just squeeze the juice out.
Your new girlfriend good at squeezing the juice out?
You’re damn right she is, Jesus
TGDAG: get fat while their boyfriends get skinny.
I’m starting to think that @RachelVarina is just a deep seated latent hidden personality of deFries sorta like that movie Split but as a basic bitch. deFries started off tapping into the personality of “Rachel” during his process in coming up with the story line and plot for TGDAG. Slowly through the months “Rachel” became harder to repress until Will could no longer control her, and secretly I’m pretty sure he didn’t want to because he probably never felt more himself than when “Rachel” is at the helm. So he created Rachel Varina on here so he could truly express himself (herself?) in the public without anyone knowing judging him.
I like how his comment section has just turned into making fun of the beta male that is Will DeFries
I like your theory. That said I’m siding with Rachael here. My sister did this when we were traveling together for a year, and it ruined our relationship, I low key hate her now which is great since she’s also my roommate. If you’re dragging me around Europe I’m sure as fuck gonna over-eat every pastry, baguette, cheese plate and pizza available calories be damned. Plus wine was cheaper than water. I’m a fatty at heart both figuratively and I’m sure literally if I ever got my shit together enough to see a cardiologist. Eating > diets.
That humble brag though