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Yesterday, Duda hit us with a truth bomb. Moving cities will not magically solve your problems. And, as much as it pains you h8ers to hear me say it, he’s right! He’s hundo p right, actually. Simply changing your physical location won’t solve much. Unless you’ve got Rickets and you’re moving from Seattle to Miami. That’ll probably help your Rickets.
But if your problem isn’t a Vitamin D deficiency, a move isn’t going to be the magic fix. But guess what, y’all? It can’t fucking hurt. More than that, a move can help. It worked for me, and, with a little guidance, it could work for you. So if you’ve got a problem, yo I’ll (help to) solve it. Check out the hook while my DJ revolves it.
Our readership continues to grow and expand, so if you’re new here and wondering why Boston Max always writes about living in New York City, it’s because, um, I live in New York City. But it’s a recent thing, and around this time last year, I declared to the Peej community that I was saying goodbye to Boston.
Here’s the quick and dirty recap of why I moved. My mid-twenties weren’t going according to plan. I was lonely a lot. It wasn’t that I wasn’t having successful relationships. It was more that I was having difficulty meeting people. All my single friends moved to New York. My friends still kicking around Boston were all moving in with their girls. I was never in any good positions to meet new people. Furthermore, I had way too many friends having the time of their lives in New York and I could only take living vicariously through their Snaps for so long. Plus, how the fuck was I ever going to date a supermodel by living in Boston?
So I moved to New York. And honestly? Right now, I couldn’t be happier about my decision. But this isn’t the affirmation you need to throw your stuff in a truck and just move someplace new. This is affirmation that says if you know why you’re unhappy, if you know what your problems are, you can begin to identify ways to fix them, and then begin to come up with a strategy to execute that will (hopefully) lead to long-term happiness. For some of you, yes, maybe a move will help. For some, maybe it won’t get at the root issue. And for many, well, for maybe a move couldn’t hurt.
For me, and I want to reiterate, this is what my problems were, but for me, I realized that I couldn’t continue to do what I was doing in Boston and find the sustained success and happiness I desired from interpersonal relationships, both friendship-wise, as well as romantically. I knew if I moved to New York that not only would I have an awesome support system already in place filled with some of my best friends, but I knew I was moving to a city was more single people than I could have ever dreamed of, and based on countless trips to New York in my life, I knew that not only would my personality be accepted, but that I could thrive. And not only were there tons of single people, but they were like-minded, open, and generally more willing to meet strangers than my peers back in Boston. So a move, and specifically a move to New York, made sense.
If you identify what your problems are and think they can be solved by a move? Fucking move. Just make sure it’s sustainable. For instance, I didn’t just move to NYC on a whim. I’d been thinking about it a good half a year. I got myself a job that pays me really well, affording me the opportunity to live in Manhattan (and have this view. DMs are open). I planned. I thought about it for a longgggg time. It’s like a tattoo. Before I got my tattoo, I taped a picture of it to my laptop for six months before I pulled the trigger, just to make sure I still loved it. Use the same logic.
Visit your potential new city a few times. And don’t do any touristy crap, but like, live how the locals live. You want to move to New York? Come wait in the line at Trader Joe’s with me. Ride the subway at rush hour to simulate what your commute might look like. Maybe it’s Los Angeles that you’re eyeing. Well if it’s the City of Angels that you’re fancying, maybe want to crack into Hollywood or some bullshit, when you visit, rent a car. Because you’ll need one to live in LA, and um, oh yeah, you’ll have to get used to the traffic.
Once you think you can hack it in your new city? Go get the job that’ll allow you to live there. Then take the leap. Now, obviously, once you get there you have to attack your problems right away. You’ve already figured out why you’re unhappy, or restless, or whatever, and now you’ve moved to help fix it. Once you’re there, the hardest part awaits. But you know what you have to do to fix your problems, and you’ve got a whole new city to be the backbone for your new approach on life.
And what if you can’t move? Family obligations, job opportunities, and money all could prevent you from moving where you want. But don’t let that keep you down. You CAN succeed wherever you are. Life, uh, finds a way. All a move can do is really just accelerate the problem solving process. I was lucky. I got the job that would allow me to live comfortably where I wanted to. But if I didn’t? I wouldn’t have just given up. I’d be in Boston trying to fix my problems and unhappiness every day.
No, moving to a new city won’t solve your problems. But if you’re willing to solve them, and truthfully believe a change of scenery is necessary for you to be happy and live your best life? The fuck do I care if you move? More power to ya. It takes courage to uproot your life. Takes even more balls the farther from home you move and the less people you know. So if you can afford it, and if you promise not to fall into your same pattern of bullshit and truly take advantage of your new city, giddy up..
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Boston Max
Spending my retirement fund at Trader Joe's and trying to remember to check my mailbox semi-regularly
@BostonMaxG
@boston_maxg
Life’s all about how you look at it, you guys. You can have a shitty outlook like Duda, a positive outlook like B Max, or a realistic outlook like Nived
If you don’t have a slightly pessimistic view of the world you’re an idiot. Harsh truths are better than comforting lies
By just about every metric possible, “the world” is objectively a better place than it was a hundred years ago. Hell, even fifty years ago.
A “slightly pessimistic view of the world” doesn’t make you enlightened; it just makes you a jerk who’s trying to justify your viewpoint with empty rhetoric because you know that everyone can think of one negative thing that will ensure they don’t immediately disagree with you.
I think he’s referencing more towards having a healthy mix of optimism and realism in your point of view of the world. Not going around and just being pissed off at everything.
Is this coming from the same guy who challenged my comment about hipsters saying they love Vonnegut…? Let’s be honest here, he’s not THAT good.
Duda if you don’t start smoking weed soon I’m really going to start worrying about you
Shouts to that Nived guy for making me want to throw up out of pure fear and disillusionment. But seriously guys, you can do anything you put your mind to especially when it’s enhanced with psychedelic substances while watching Star Wars
Not necessarily saying my outlook is “positive.” I just think my take is realistic. Moving won’t solve your problems, but it won’t NOT solve them, either. Moving is a TOOL (a major tool) to potentially fix something that is broken. That’s my stance here
Can you blame Duda? How can you wear socks with sandals and NOT be pessimistic?
Agreed.
You see, we all got what I call a life trap – a gene deep certainty that things will be different… that you’ll move to another city and meet the people that’ll be the friends for the rest of your life… that you’ll fall in love and be fulfilled… fucking fulfillment… and closure, whatever the fuck those two fuckin’ empty jars to hold this shit storm. Nothing’s ever fulfilled, not until the very end. And closure – nothing is ever over.
^Well played.
Russ, I think it’s time we sit down, do drugs, and drink Lone Stars together until we hammer out a solid tax reform and economic budget for this country
Completely agree. I’ve been toying with the idea of making the move from DC to Denver for a while now. While all my friends and family are in the DMV, I can’t stand the thought of staying in one place for the rest of my life, and Denver blew me away last time I went. I’m excited for a challenge to start fresh and learn how to make new friends again. But it’s definitely scary, because as you said, unless you’re aware of your issues/needs and know what steps you’ll take to address them, moving to a new place can blow up in your face quickly.
I decided I want to move to Denver when my current lease is up. See you there
It’s a great spot. Just passed the one year mark of my move and I’m still loving it. Friendly people and almost limitless things to do outdoors, plus the city is growing fast enough that there’s still enough to do downtown if that’s not your scene.
I used to plan vacations around doing things in Denver/mountains. Now I do them on a Tuesday night and don’t have to take any PTO because I live here and it’s the best. If you take the dive, I’m happy to help!
^Ditto
How were you able to find a job before moving? It seems like most places won’t take me seriously even when I say I have plenty of family and friends in the new location. Would you also have considered moving and then finding a job?
Pro tip: put a friend’s address in the city you want to move to on the top of your resume. If they call you for an interview say you’re working out of your current city’s office for the month and do most interviews via Skype/video chat. For the final interview see if they’d consider flying you out. Done it twice.
The comedy clubs are flying you out now, JR? Congrats!
I’ve tried this too, I say I’ll be staying with my cousin while I look for a permanent place to stay
Then do you put the city for your current job where you’re looking to move?
No way in hell. Get the job, then move. When we were all looking for jobs out of college, surely we expanded our search beyond where we physically were, and I think the logic shouldn’t/won’t change into your career. I’m shocked a job wouldn’t take someone from out of town seriously.
Idk maybe it’s the field I’m in, but if you’re qualified I’ve never had issues getting to the final interview at the minimum. Same things with friends in other industries as well.
What field are you in, and I’m assuming you forfeited relocation and travel expenses for interviews?
Most companies will reimburse you for the travel to their offices (planes, trains, hotels, even meals).
I moved without a job. I saved up and was willing to work part-time while I found one. It was a ton of fun, but you have to accept that your life is going to be messy and your finances/lifestyle you’ve been accustomed to will take a hit for a while.
Where’d you end up staying when you did so? And did you have any interviews lined up when you first moved?
I now have “Ice Ice Baby” stuck in my head. Thanks Max.
I agree with Duda’s general premise: an asshole that gets on a plane in Boston gets off the plane an asshole in Seattle. BUT, sometimes where you live just sucks and a move helps. I for one hated living in the rural blending to suburb area I lived my whole life and moving to a city really helped.
Plus it helps that in Colorado you don’t have to waste a couple hours a week waiting for a sketchy “friend” of a friend to text you back so you can get your hookup, and you don’t get judged by folks with Oxycontin additions for sparking up.
THIS.
Been wanting to move for awhile now, but I have an awesome job that’s holding me back. A good job isn’t worth being unhappy because of the city it’s on though. Not saying moving to a new city will magically make me happy, but it sure as hell will help.
Pro tip, don’t move without a job. That creates a whole new problem.
Just moved from Indiana back to Chicago. I realized Indiana didn’t have the amount of young people, single girls, nightlife & job oppurtunities I wanted so I got a job, signed a lease and made the leap. I’ve only been here for a few days so far but things are looking up.
My sister lives in Indiana. I’d choose Chicago over Indiana in a heartbeat.
I moved to a city where I knew nobody for a job I wasn’t sure if I wanted. I took the leap and I pretty much hate it. BUT it has given me clarity about the person I want to become as I go through my 20s. I miss my old life, but I’m going to make my self way happier moving forward. Good luck errybody.