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COLUMBUS – A mid-level employee at an insurance brokerage firm in downtown Columbus was blindsided by a political conversation in the office break room Monday morning, according to multiple sources.
Peter Farmington, 25, was helping himself to some leftover bagels from a morning meeting when the incident took place, according to one witness who wished to remain unidentified. It was there when he accidentally engaged Sarah Duffey, a 38-year-old accountant and mother of two, in a conversation about the weekend. That, according to our source, is when things turned south.
“Yeah, she asked him about his weekend and he told her he was up in Cleveland seeing some friends from college,” one witness described. “That’s when Sarah saw her in. She immediately launched into some tirade about how it was bullshit the city had to host the Republican National Convention. She was apoplectic.”
Farmington, who was only in the break room because of a company-wide email about free breakfast and has been described by his coworkers as “reserved” and “polite and friendly enough,” allegedly tried to backtrack, saying he had spent most of his time in the suburbs and didn’t know much about what was happening with the convention. That didn’t stop Duffey, a registered Democrat and self-described “progressive secularist atheist humanist” on Facebook, from broadening her complaints to the GOP platform as a whole.
“Yeah, it was really tough to watch,” said Tyler Gooden, an associate at the firm. “His eyes were all red. He looked completely exhausted and hungover from the weekend. I mean, to see a man go through a conversation about how Republican congressmen shouldn’t be allowed to tell women what to do with their bodies right at 9 a.m. on a Monday — it tears at your heart a little bit.”
Some witnesses considered going in on an amateur rescue mission, but backed off because it appeared too dangerous.
“He was playing the situation right,” said Kali Gray, the office manager who says she caught a glimpse of part of the conversation. “He was hitting her with one-word answers confirming her complaints and nodding along the whole time. I mean, he was going by the book. She was just, I guess, immune to it.”
Farmington was reportedly inside the break room for nine minutes before Duffey wore herself out and headed back to her cubicle. Sources indicated that he looked completely defeated by life as he walked back to his desk.
A few guys in the office pooled some money together to buy him a nice lunch. It was, they said, a small but meaningful gesture to brighten Farmington’s spirits.
“It’s not fair that bad things in life happen to good people,” said Gooden, one of the guys who took Farmington out to lunch. “But life’s not fair, I guess.”.
Respond
Gotta poke one hole in your story: I have yet to meet a liberal accountant. Granted, I’m from Texas, so there’s not a ton to start with, but still. Haven’t met one yet.
That’s because we can math, and therefore see right through the liberal promises.
Yes but Hillary is a woman and based on that fact alone we should all vote for her
Anybody who excels at math would not choose to be an accountant.
I think they meant liberal in the sense of “$500K missing? Hmm, we’ll make that $300K found. There, now the numbers line up.”
Unless you’re at Enron, that’s not how accounting works.
or work in investment accounting
I liked this. Very Onion-esque. Well done.
Solid job. Though this did give me heartburn just thinking about similar situations in my life.
Farmington, who was in low spirits after the horrific break room massacre, yet oddly stimulated and entertained after being subjected to such violence then went home to a 6 pack and the television because he started to understand that, that is pretty much the only thing he can do in a place that’s operated by an amoeba-like, two headed totalitarian enterprise.
As someone who works in a very young & liberal office this hits way too close to home. I avoid the water cooler like the plague.
Boy this hits home. For a while there a few of us were victim to a very outwardly spoken Bernie fanatic who insisted on imposing their (unsolicited) views on all of us. Tried to avoid them at all costs on daily travels to the can.
Living this on repeat like it’s Groundhog’s Day
As an accountant i can promise you on a monday we wouldnt give a shit. unless internal or external audit found some sketchy dealings or its quarter close. my fucks being like petty cash in that its all been used up on bullshit and i have yet to make a replenishing entry in awhile..