======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
Welcome to the PGP Mailbag, wherein I will answer questions from you, our readers. Send your questions to dillon@grandex.co. All topics welcome.
Dorn,
Longtime, first-time, you know. I don’t know how to dress well. By the time I finally get a grip on what the trend going around is, it’s already passed. Got any hot tips to make me look good but not like every other guy at the bar? What’s your summer aesthetic looking like this year? Feel free to plug Man Outfitters, because I’d love to use promo code thicc. I appreciate it.
Thanks
I should start by saying I don’t consider myself to be fashion-forward. I don’t stay up on trends, I don’t buy clothes for the brand name, and I avoid spending triple digits on a single article of clothing whenever possible. I buy shit that I think looks good, but first I make sure it’s not so out of style that people think I’m a lost soul. I also don’t want to dress too well, because that’s not who I am. Having said all that, I don’t have any general clothing tips.
Now, am I going to use this teed-up opportunity to promote RG and Man Outfitters? Yes, I am. Do I actually, in my soul, believe in these brands and these recommendations? I really, really do.
The RG Hawaiian collection is a lot fun and perfect for anything on the water, near the water, or for any casual drinking occasion. My fave:
It’s the summer of short sleeve button downs, like these from MO.
Lastly, you pretty much have to own a pair of Seavees in 2018. These shoes with some classic khaki shorts and one of the above shirts is how you’ll find me this summer.
D
Love your column. The world could use more people like you with a rational fucking brain.
I’ve been seeing a girl for about three months now, and things have been going pretty well. She’s really nice, got a great sense of humor, and is probably the most attractive girl I’ve ever been with. We’ve even started to plan a vacation for this summer when we both get some time off.
Here’s the catch. Although we’re out of college now, we were classmates a couple years back. Knew each other and had a couple classes together but didn’t talk too much. But I knew her enough to know that she had a reputation and had been with a lot of guys.
Normally this would be cool, but some of the guys she was with were my close friends. Still are my close friends. And we’re not talking one or two guys here…she’s bagged like half of my friend group. Now when we all go out or pregame together, I can’t stop thinking about it.
Am I being a little bitch here for letting it bother me? Hate to say it but now and again I feel like it’d be easier calling it quits and eventually finding a new girlfriend who my buddies don’t have nudes of. Like I said though, things are going great, she’s super kind, hot, and outgoing.
Any thoughts would be appreciated.
It sounds like you’re not judgmental simply because she’s been with a lot of guys (that’s good), but just that some of the guys she’s been with are close to you. I get it. Sex is some intimate shit so it’s not fun knowing that the girl you have feelings for has done freaky shit with your boys. They have mental images in their brains that you can’t take from them. They own them.
You’re going to have to find a way to handle it because this really shouldn’t be a deal breaker with someone you could potentially see a longterm future with. I think the move here is to tell her that it’s bothering you and go from there. Hear her out. If she has a good brain and some interpersonal skills, she might have a great way of making you feel better about things.
If that doesn’t work, you may have to move on before you’re too emotionally invested.
What’s up Dillon,
Long time first time ya know, I have found myself in a predicament that only you and the touchers in the comments can help me out with.
One day some random chick slid into my DM’s and for the longest time I had no idea who she was and didn’t think anything of it. Figuring it was the year of ‘shooting your shot’, we started DM’in which led to texts and FaceTime’s, in which I quickly realized she is an absolute smoke with a pretty good sense of humor who can shoot the shit with the best of them. Mind you this whole time we still had no idea how we knew each other or how she got my @. After some investigative work we finally realized we are both fellow touchers and she found me through the comment section. We’ve decided that we should probably meet-up (we are 8 hrs apart btw), but we are not sure what the move is.
Do we meet up in one of our hometowns giving one of us the home field advantage? Or do we just pick a random spot on the map and wing it? Also, what if she is a complete psycho and nothing like she is over the phone? Do I pack up and my bags and get out of there while I can, or do I try to make the best out of it?
Sincerely,
Midwest King
Look at this. Touching Base bringing people together. If y’all have a kid, we get to name it. We’ll reach our decision live during a poddy.
Meet up in one of your hometowns or pick a neutral city. That part doesn’t matter so much. Does one of you get a hotel if you’re visiting the other’s hometown? I think it’s not a bad idea. If you show up expecting to stay with her, or her with you, that’s some added pressure to an already awkward meet-up. Having the safety net of “I’m just going to head back to my room and call it a night” could be a Godsend at night’s end.
If you’re traveling to meet her, I think it’s smart to drive, too. If shit goes south, or if she’s just not as cool as you thought, or if she very clearly Facetunes all her IG pics, it’ll be nice to be able to abort mission and head back home at the drop of a hat.
Dillon,
LT, FT. Anyway, randomly met this guy in the PGP comments section and as luck would have it, he’s actually pretty cute and we get along. There’s just one catch – he’s in the Midwest and I’m in the dirty South. Is it psycho (or a total meet cute) to hop on a plane to meet this stranger, and if not, where should we go? We’ve got St. Louis and Atlanta on the short list based on flights, but I’m open to suggestions. Also, any other tips on not making this totally weird are appreciated. I’ll be honest and say I’ve never even had a Bumble date (I just don’t do online dating), so your girl is walking in blind here.
Thanks a million
You are not going to BELIEVE this.
Hi Dillon,
I’m moving to Denver in two weeks and really just wanted to see if there are any other PGPers that live there & want to be my friend. Also wondering if you or the commenters have any advice on how to adjust to a new city especially one where you don’t know anyone?
Thanks! I’ll miss seeing you at the gym but will of course still be listening to every episode of Touching Base.
This is my gym girlfriend, everybody. Her name is Sara. Say hi to her. She’s nice. If you’re living in Denver, she’d make a good friend addition to your squad. From the little I know about her, she enjoys getting adult drinks, running on a treadmill, tasteful tattoos, core exercises, and friendly weight room banter.
I’ll miss you.
Hey man,
What are your thoughts on lunch dates? Initially I started thinking it was good because it limits it to a certain time frame, but that’s also like putting a peacock in a cage. I’m a peacock, you gotta let me fly.
Also, if lunch dates are a go I’m assuming lunch beers are a no go because it’ll make you seem “unprofessional” to some girls.
Are you implying the lunch dates would occur during the work week? I think you are. Yeah, you are. That’s insane to me. Do people actually do this? You get like an hour tops, you can’t drink away the nerves, the sun is out, and a million other reasons.
This is a terrible idea. Save a lunch date for your established girlfriend..
The more questions I receive, the better this series is going to be, so send me your Mailbag questions to dillon@grandex.co and please put “Mailbag” in the subject line.
Respond
Dillon Cheverere
Dillon Cheverere is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. Email: dillon@grandex.co
@dcheverere
@dcheverere
RogerJDorn
To the dude with the close friends that have banged his girl: RUN
Life’s too short to have your friends roasting you because they’ve busted in/on yo girl.
Prostitute. Yiayia would not approve.
Nah. I say if you and your boyz are going to wear the same color Sperrys, drink the same (name redacted superior light beer), drive similar Jeep Grand Cherokees, then I say why not bang the same chicks? Birds of a feather flock together.
I can’t believe that no one used the Office Space quote, “Hell, Lumberg fucked her”. Such a missed opportunity.
Contrary opinion: Don’t run. It doesn’t sound like her or any of his friends are talking about it, they just know it happened. There’s a lot of sex that goes down in college, if you were in the same major/classes it’s not weird that she’s slept with some of your friends.
Yeah, don’t knock the girl just because she opened up a bed and breakfast in her ham cabin for a few years. That’s the entrepreneurial spirit that this country was made from. #grindboys…..shit that doesn’t fit the context but whatever lol
I want to “Nice Work” this so badly but I respect you too much to move you from 69 upvotes. Keep it up, King
Much love
One or two would be one thing, it sounds like she banged 7+ of his friends. I’m cool with s few but at that number, I think it’d be too weird/awkward knowing that many friends got up in there.
This happens a lot with close friend groups. Had one in college where several people had slept with more than one person in the group. Got to know a new friend group outside of college and it was the same deal. Sometimes it’s just what happens when you have multiple single people spending the majority of their time together.
Solid point here, it takes a concerted effort by all parties to not do anything. Friend groups either let it all happen or make an agreement to not let it happen.
Have a friend group where we’ve all known each other since we were like 12 and the girls decided that none of that hooking up business was going to happen within the friend group. Can honestly say that it almost makes it worse, because there have been times where it’s well known that there are some feelings but nothing happens (due to the decision to not do the intra-friend group hook ups) and it ends up with a lot of sabotaging each other when they meet people at bars or people they’re just starting to date.
TL;DR: Deciding to not hook up w/in the friend group can potentially lead to a “I’m not going to sleep with you, but no one else can either”.
Had the same situation with a couple of friends that headed down this road. Sure, especially at first, it could be weird and your friends might make jokes. After awhile though it does wear off and nobody will even notice or care.
Will all these PGP hookups become more and more common, is a PGP dating app on the horizon?
any app is a dating app if you’re a closer
Did anyone buy TouchersOnly.com yet?
Going to that site might put you on an FBI list
With* and becoming*
Before you make that dating app, an edit button sure would be nice.
Where is the PGP dating app we need it
Sup?
This has to have been the most wholesome mailbag yet
To the base touchers looking to meet up: don’t feel awkward, I’ve met and seen many PGPers naked (male and female) and it’s been fun every time. I’d say go to a neutral location first (STL would be my choice since my twin afterthegame is there), get some drinks and just enjoy exploring a city together
Stl is also my choice for this and I volunteer to schedule a date night for you guys CMV style
If they decide on StL, I’d be more than happy to shoot them some recommendations on where to go and what to do while in the Lou.
STL checking in here as well
To the dude who’s girl has hooked up with his friends: If you decide to pursue it, wait until you’re all hanging out together and make a joke about it. It’ll get rid of the elephant in the room and show you’re man enough to not let it phase you (whether or not that may be true).
Man, I get what you’re saying but I don’t know. They are obviously all talking about it in a side group chat. You making a joke about it in front of them may give the wrong impression and they think they have the green light to roast you to your face now and that would be miserable to the point of suicide.
Please for the love of God do not do this. If I were that girl I would be mortified and so incredibly angry at the guy I was seeing.
Yeah I totally disagree with bringing it up. Let sleeping dogs lie
People change over time so fuck a reputation from college. Also if the tables were turned and ‘guy’ (emailer) was the sloot in college, would you be pissed if she dipped on you due to a similar situation?
Or that would make him look very insecure…
S/O Sara moving to Denver, great city. Not sure of any other PGP’ers living here but give me a shout. I like adult drinks but hate running on treadmills.
I’ve been here four years and live in Uptown/North Cap Hill (by the yuppie bars) and work in LoDo on Blake Street (by the drunk sports bars and fancy bars). Denver is the fucking best. Rent/housing cost sucks, but the city proper is so much more thriving and walkable than other cities its size, and there is so much to do in the city and out in the mountains.
Future Mrs. LoadLetter and I are looking to rent a house when our lease is up in May, but fuck me if i’ll move to the suburbs. Lower Highlands/Sunnyside is far as I’m going. You’ll see us hanging out of our second-floor office window during the St. Patrick’s Day Parade in a couple weeks. Hit us up anytime!
This is great! Sounds like there are a lot of you out there 🙂 I move there on March 9th and will be living in Capitol Hill. Let’s meet up!
Another Denverite here! I’m way out west, but I like getting out into Denver, let me know if you’d like to grab a drink sometime!
I live out in Boulder right now but commute to Capitol Hill/will be moving there asap. Let’s meet up! 🙂
Another Denver PGPer! Cap Hill couldn’t be a better neighborhood to move to. Great food/bar scene. St. Patty’s gets pretty rowdy downtown too so your timing couldn’t be better. Welcome to the Mile High!
Also a Denver PGPer! I live a bit south in the Tech Center but work downtown and spend a decent amount of weekend time down there as well. Lemme just echo the sentiments of my above compatriots and say let’s grab a drink!
Another Denver area PGP’er here. Would love to grab a drink as well. Hopefully create a PGP Denver group
I’m about to move out there and a “user group” would be dope. I have a lot of coworker friends already there but I love expanding my circle as much as most of you do
If anyone wants to meet up- reach out to me on Twitter @sarashelly. I’m moved in and ready to meet some people!
The IRA hung up their cleats a few years back my man
I also live in uptown and am frequently at those yuppie bars! Great place to be and would love to meet up for drinks
wait hello another Denver PGPer, actually just moved back here and travel a ton for work so I haven’t had the chance to meet a ton of people yet! I want to find some PGP friends too!
Another Denver PGPer here. I second PC’s comments. A lot to love in this city. You’ll enjoy it. Been here a little over four years myself and recently moved to the Midtown neighborhood.
Had to Google where Midtown is, lol. Looks like it’s to too far from Balistreri Vineyards which we checkout out for our wedding venue. I highly recommend it if you haven’t been, free tastings and the food is great.
Haha. Sounds about right. I didn’t know either until 9 months ago when a friend of mine moved here. Neat little place though with a decent Belgian brewery (Bruz) inside. I’ll pass that recommendation on to the girlfriend so I’m sure it won’t be long before I visit.
Guy with the girl who banged his friends. If it really bothers you (it would definitely bother me) then don’t feel like you’re wrong to dump her. The thing that makes sex special is that its private between the two of you. That can no longer be the case for y’all. I would have enough trouble if it was just 1 friend. More than that would be a 100% deal breaker.
I don’t think it’s fair to just throw away something that could become something serious because they slept with you’re friends. Distinct chance they had zero idea those people even knew each other. I think it’s important to see they are with you and want to be with you.
Been in a similar situation. Now I had hooked up with only ONE of his friends prior, the friend I had hooked up with had a new gf and I told him I was into his friend beforehand, and it wasn’t awkward at all. Communication and maturity is key.
Are you serious? This is fucking 2018, it should not bother you that the other person had sex (BECAUSE SEX IS FUN) regardless of who they had sexual with
Everyone has different views on sex though. Some people consider it a special thing and only for important relationships versus others view it as just something we do and casual sex is expected from everyone.
The issue with his question is he is the only one that knows what his view on sex is so it makes it hard to tell him a proper course of action. If he is in the sex is special group then it would definitely bother him and the relationship won’t stand a chance as he lets that doubt exist, but if he can accept casual sex (which appears to be what the root issue for him is) then he should be able to accept her past and they can move past it.
I get that notion if it wasn’t his boys but if I was in that situation I would be grossed out every time everyone got together and it just wouldn’t work. Can’t blame people for things they did before they knew you but that doesn’t mean you can’t have feelings about it
Don’t know why this got down voted so many times. Great take.
To the guy who is dating a girl who has porked his friends…get out now. I can handle if it was a few outskirts friends, but if it is your close friends it probably won’t work. The idea of dating a girl and most of my good friends have busted in her would turn me off fast. Not to judge but it just seems like a deal breaker.
To the dude who is dating the chick that slept with half his friends. I knew of a relationship once like that. 5 dudes, 3 hooked up with her for extended periods of time. One of the guys lashed out at the other who had dumped her before and that damaged their friendship. We all (guys and girls) judged the hell out of her for husband hunting in that friend group. It was not a good situation.
Lunch dates are what friends do. You’re asking to get friendzoned.