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Welcome to the PGP Mailbag, wherein I will answer questions from you, our readers. Send your questions to dillon@grandex.co or call the Mailbag hotline at (833) 345-5662 to leave a voicemail and be featured on The Mailbag podcast. All topics welcome.
The Mailbag, a podcast based on this series, is now live. The questions that make the podcast will be a combination of emails (if you’d like to remain anonymous) and voicemails. The hotline number is above. Please give me plenty to choose from so we have interesting topics of discussion.
Episode 3 is below.
1. I need the opinion of a dude I trust, and that’s you, Dills.
There’s a guy in my apartment building who I find attractive but I don’t know at all. We talked once in the elevator about my foster dog, but he appeared really interested in me as well. I’m painfully shy, so I’m not gonna go out of my way trying to find him again…and I’d probably run away anyway. So I was thinking about leaving my number on a note on his car window. Is this a trash move? What would you think if this happened to you?
Thanks for the advice!
Yes, absolutely yes. I love this move, actually. I’m the same way regarding approaching someone I’m interested in, so I’m all about using creative ways to put yourself out there. This is as low pressure as it gets. And you know what? That’s okay. I think this even adds an element of intrigue and excitement.
The challenge here, however, is conveying your identity in your note. I assume he doesn’t have your name and only knows you as the girl he sees occasionally in his building, so you might have to get creative here. If you sign it “Girl with foster dog,” will he know who it is? You may have to give him a physical description? I don’t really know.
I’d text you if I knew who you were from your note or not, by the way. It’s just exciting and would make for a good story if things were to actually work out. I’d love for something like this to happen to me. Good luck.
2. Dills,
The squad can’t agree on something.
From a dudes perspective, whats the ideal sext to receive? Consider both from a casual hook up perspective to committed relationship..
Thx
Mags + the squad
Two emails, two girls calling me Dills. Into it.
Well, Mags and the squad, from a casual hookup perspective, I think a tasteful nude sounds about right. Be mindful that I’m not the casual hookup type, so I’m thinking more of someone I’ve just started dating. A tasteful nude would be well received and would get the point across. By tasteful, I’m just saying nothing too graphic. You know what I mean.
I don’t know that it changes for me if I’m in a committed relationship with her. Since we’re more comfortable with each other at this point, she could get away with more, I guess, and be more blunt. Simply letting me know she wants sex would be pretty great. Tasteful nudes are always welcome and keep things exciting, even deep into a relationship.
P.S. I hope people don’t think I’m scummy for admitting that nudes are great to receive. They just are okay.
3. Hey Dillon,
To get right to the point, I’m pretty paranoid about STIs. When I’ve been with a guy for a while and we get to the point where we want to stop using condoms (I’m on BC), I always insist that they get tested before we do. And I’ve always gotten weird reactions and occasionally get ghosted. They just don’t want to do it and insist that they don’t have any, even though most STIs don’t have any symptoms and they haven’t been tested recently.
The days of painful swabs are gone and now all you do is pee in a cup and get a finger prick. I always figured that making someone get tested was smart, but maybe it’s one of those things that sounds responsible on paper but doesn’t realistically always work out? Am I being overly paranoid and unreasonable?
STIs have been a popular topic lately.
Definitely keep doing you. If a guy is offended that you choose to be extra careful and responsible with your body, let him go. Also, that guy might have a reason to be apprehensive walking into a testing clinic.
Getting tested isn’t a big deal at all, like you said.
4. Sup Dillon,
Was just listening to your mailbag podcast (v into it, keep it up) and you guys came upon the topic of the bride’s family paying for the wedding (following the conversation regarding the CZ engagement ring).
I’ve heard that this is a thing, but I’m just over a year out of college and don’t have any friends who are engaged or married, so I’m curious as to whether this is still a widely accepted notion that the bride’s family pays for the wedding?
Maybe it’s just me, but this concept seems wiiiildly outdated, especially given the fact that many male/female couples are both working, and it’s not nearly as common for women to not have a career as it was decades and centuries ago (therefore eliminating any sense of indebtedness incurred by the bride’s family for the husband being a “provider”).
Also, I can’t imagine putting the financial burden of a wedding on my parents when they’re of or at the retiring age. I don’t know, maybe just me! Let me know what you guys expect/think about this topic!
Honestly, I don’t know if this is outdated. I’m under the impression that the bride’s family still pays for the wedding while the groom’s family pays for the rehearsal dinner. That’s been the standard for a long time and I haven’t heard different.
Commenters, what say you?
5. Mr Cheverere —
Been reading Grandex material since the infancy stages and loved/thrived on PGP when I graduated from college in 2007.
I remember back in January of 2017 (it was a Thursday I believe, and the reason I remember this is because it was the day before the Migos Culture album came out) you put a bit of a personal note on a podcast when you announced you and your wife were getting a divorce. I guess the real reason I remember this is because I, too, was going through a divorce with my wife at the same time. I was extremely heartbroken for a long time, but through time found things got better. I think we’re around the same age (I’m 30) and I had a few questions to bounce off your chest.
1) what things did you do to get through that process?
2) what mechanisms did you employ to heal (have you healed?)
3) you’re obviously a good looking dude, I’m sure you get a ton of attention from women — how long did it take you to put yourself back out into the dating scene?
Anywho, not really sure where I’m going with this other than it really helped me to know other people got through similar things.
Cheers amigo.
That was a tough episode for me. I remember being nervous knowing the segment was coming up, then struggling to get the words out. I’m sorry to hear you went through something similar. Look, that was a very dark time for me. We split in the summer of 2016 and it was all finalized in the spring of 2017. I don’t wish that process on my worst enemies.
1) Time is undefeated. The more time that passed, the easier things got for me. And for her. HOWEVER, I vividly remember the moment that all the weight in the world was lifted from my shoulders and the guilt slowly began to subside. It was when she told me she was happy.
2) I tried to stay active and occupy my thoughts with anything else that I could. It didn’t work. I have mostly healed.
3) Thanks for the compliment and real reason I included your question. But really, I didn’t open myself up to talking to anyone else until October of 2016, about four to five months after we split, and at the encouragement of her to do so. But even then, I was upfront with anyone I’d meet that I was not ready to be in a relationship, and that remained the case until about halfway through 2017.
I hope everything works out for you and your ex the way it’s supposed to.
P.S. I don’t enjoy getting deep like this but I know some people can relate to it and it could possibly be helpful to them..
Don’t forget: Call the Mailbag hotline at (833) 345-5662 to leave a voicemail and be featured on The Mailbag podcast. Also, please subscribe to Grandex Labs on iTunes.
I always need emails, too. The more questions I receive, the better this series is going to be, so send me your Mailbag questions to dillon@grandex.co and please put “Mailbag” in the subject line.
Respond
Dillon Cheverere
Dillon Cheverere is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. Email: dillon@grandex.co
@dcheverere
@dcheverere
RogerJDorn
STI girl: You’re literally offering condomless sex (sorry sex ed lady condoms do impact sensation) and all he has to do is pee in a cup and get a needle prick. If a guy won’t do that it should be a huge red flag.
Paying for the wedding: I feel like this is just something traditional like wearing white or not seeing the bride until she walks down the aisle (that’s clearly changed over the years with first look photos). Every couple is different and it’s something that should be discussed with both families when the couple is engaged and ready to start planning.
if a girl is offering condomless sex you could literally drain a gallon of my blood and shove the tip of a qtip up my junk – whatever it takes to get that no-glove love
Yeah I wouldn’t really be offended by that either, especially if things are getting serious. Doesn’t really hurt anybody to get tested.
Extreme but I like your style
Speaking of paying for the wedding. Please tell me some of y’alls saw that article about the ex-bride to be demanding guests to pony up a grand for her wedding? Don’t be that woman.
I saw that on Reddit and thought it had to be an elaborate $3.50 joke at first. Then I saw it was picked up by the lifestyle and pop culture outlets and decided to read it. There is no way in hell I would just give someone $1,000 for a wedding. Not even my brother. And probably won’t have to for an offspring when the time comes.
Shy girl: I asked out my boyfriend by leaving a post it note on his car. We’re celebrating five years together this fall, so it’s worth a shot!
I was told in the comments on this very site that the brides parents do not pay for the wedding because “this isn’t the 1950s anymore”
Oh hey that was me
People don’t forget
“People don’t forget.” Name does not check out..
This comment came in late and it won’t get the love it deserves, but I definitely laughed
I’m with Dill on the note. I’d say a VERY high percentage of guys would text that number if you described who you were. Seems like there’s nothing to lose as well
Put me in the bucket of a guarantee texting the girl
Plus you’ve got a dog. We love dogs. Instant ice breaker. Already ahead of the game really.
Just checking in to say, love the new poddy, keep it up Cheverere
You’re the man
For the question about who pays for the wedding – it really depends on the family/the means of the family/the means of the couple. I was in a wedding last week where I know the groom’s family paid for pretty much everything, partially because they had the means to and partially because their family alone made up about 75% of the guests. There’s no hard and fast rule anymore.
I’ve seen it go both ways, too. My dad footed much of the bill for my sister, but my buddy’s parents picked up almost all of his costs.
Dill, you must be on a high today. It shows through your writing.
Things are going well. Feeling good. Thanks for noticing.
It’s easy to grin
When your ship comes in
And you’ve got the stock market beat.
But the man worthwhile,
Is the man who can smile,
When his shorts are too tight in the seat.
Oh my god, I just realized Donald Trump and Judge Smails are very similar
LOL #5 thinks Dorn is 30… add 11 to that
Stop
One day.
My dad was absolutely floored recently when I told him I didn’t expect for my parents to pay for my future wedding. People are getting married later in life now and most couples I know have paid for weddings themselves with each set of parents just helping with one major item (i.e. bride’s parents buy the dress and groom’s parents help with flowers)
Also if you don’t let your parents pay for it you make it a lot easier to say no to stupid family demands about who you invite and how you celebrate.
I can see your point as myself being someone who doesn’t like receiving money or gifts or anything, but put yourself in his shoes. Sometimes parents save up money over time for that special day and I can imagine your dad would be very proud to put forth that money for his daughter’s wedding. I don’t have any kids nor will I anytime soon but if I worked hard and saved a little each month or whatever (unbeknownst to you) for my daughter’s wedding (never having a daughter) and then you said no I’m not letting you pay for anything, I’d prolly be a little sad.
Oh I definitely didn’t say I wouldn’t let him. I said I would appreciate anything that he wanted to contribute but he was just shocked it wasn’t my expectation for them to foot the whole bill.
Totally agree with that. As an Asian, parents pay for more, but generally are more controlling as a result. Especially when it comes to weddings, it’s more about the parents than about the actual bride and groom in many ways. So they’ll usually make you invite many people you don’t want to. Not to turn you away from dating Asian dudes, but something to think about