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Welcome to the PGP Mailbag, wherein I will answer questions from you, our readers. Send your questions to dillon@grandex.co. All topics welcome.
Dillon,
Long time, first time, all that. Writing in because I need some advice from a male’s perspective, and you give some bomb and logical advice.
My live-with boyfriend of 2 years is taking a trip to Vegas with his brothers and their dad here soon and I’m having some severe and more than likely unrealistic anxiety over it.
To give you some background, I was in a relationship for slightly less than 2 years with an ex where I was cheated on many-a time, and where family beach trips were apparently, the perf spot to get laid.
My current boyfriend is amazing. He’s always there for me and we can be doing anything and having the most bomb time. Moved in together not too long ago and things have been even better! He’s never once lied or cheated or done anything to warrant suspicion. Around home we go out normally, together and separately semi-regularly.
His brothers and dad “joke?” About all the strippers/prostitutes there going to “have some fun” with while in Vegas and while I haven’t voiced this yet, it has me freaking out with anxiety. Do I have something to be worried about here? I know Vegas is a shit show and all that but am I going to find out something I don’t wanna know after this trip and have to break it off with my otherwise perfect boyfriend? I guess I’m asking if Vegas is wild enough to make even the good guys go bad? What should I expect/what boundaries should I set here without being the psycho gf here?
-worried and unwarrantedly anxious
Don’t make your current boyfriend pay for the sins of your shithead loser of an ex-boyfriend.
I’m sure they’re “joking” about the strippers and hookers because the idea of them actually becoming a part of their guys’ trip is so preposterous that they think you’ll find it funny, too. Certain kinds of people can definitely get into trouble in Vegas if they want to, obviously, but that doesn’t mean all guys will.
I’ve been to Vegas 13 times and I’ve never gotten into trouble there. No drugs, no prostitutes, nothing weird. I’ve lost money on trips and I have been into a couple scrips, but as I’ve said previously in the Mailbag, those are novelty trips with a group of friends.
“He’s never once lied or cheated or done anything to warrant suspicion.”
He seems like a solid guy, plus he’ll be there with his old man, so let him go have some fun and stay worry-free.
Dear Dillon,
So we have a friend named Slar and this year he unfortunately lost the fantasy football league. This is our 3rd year in our 5 year contract and this is his second time getting the infamous pee-coat. The 8 man league pees in a bucket with a cotton sweatshirt in it. We let that thing marinate over a week or so. Then we all pick out something from the grocery store where he then has to put the pee coat on and go through the store grabbing all of the items and successfully check out. Then we get to live it again in a 5 day Vlogue series. I just want to know if anyone else has a worse fantasy football punishment?
-Concerned citizen
Holy shit.
No, man. No one has a worse last place punishment than you guys. Seriously, what is the matter with you? That’s some dark, messed up stuff. The last place punishment in our league was the guy had to mow the lawns or wash the cars of everyone else in the league. I was lobbying to have this changed because it was too extreme.
You guys make your last place finisher wear a sweatshirt soaked in everyone’s week-old piss to a grocery store. Holy shit.
Hey Dillon,
So last St. Patrick’s Day I met a girl and took her to dinner the following week. We’ve been seeing each other once or twice a week pretty much any week she’s not traveling for work.
We both like each other a lot and things are going well. Only thing is, she’s 30 and I’m 23. I don’t think its a problem since I’m looking for something serious. But she thinks it’s too much of a difference and it’s the only thing holding her back.
Should I keep seeing her or just move on? Is she right, is it too much? Or should I keep trying to convince her age doesn’t matter because she’s a catch.
It’s either coming from a place of insecurity or that she thinks you two are at different stages in life. Or both, I guess. Coming from someone who has dated with an age gap even bigger than the one you’re dealing with, I speak from experience.
If you really like this chick and think it has potential to be long term and serious, lay it all out there. Let her know the age thing isn’t an issue for you and do your best to put her mind at ease about it. If your best pitch doesn’t work and she still has reservations, it might be time to move on from this one.
Age difference when the girl is older than the guy feels like a times-two multiplier, doesn’t it? An age difference of six years when the guy is older feels normal, but that age gap feels way bigger when the guy is the younger one. Am I right on this?
Hey Dillon,
I’ll try to cut right to the chase. I was drafted to be the Best Man for my buddy’s wedding. I’ve known the dude since high school, so we’ve been through it all together for the better part of the last decade. I want to plan the most bad-ass bachelor party for the kid but I am running into a few roadblocks.
Firstly, his fiancee (nice lady, and God I hate that f-word) wears his huevos around her neck. He used to be THE big guy! Ever since he met her (less than a year ago), he has abandoned every reckless virtue that we have come to know and love. He claims he has no time to golf anymore which is a big issue since he was an essential part of the weekly foursome. (The dude was LONG off the tee and had a killer visor wing-game) In short, he has sacrificed his man card entirely and I am not even sure that his lady will let him have a weekend out with the guys. I understand that “bros before hoes” is long dead and a thing of the past at this point; but the poor kid is whipped beyond comprehension. Can I snap him out of this? Is it because he is marrying a girl he has known for only a year? Who am I to judge..?
Second; Out of all of his pals that he has known for the last ten years, I am the only one in the wedding party. The other four groomsmen are the boyfriends of her bridesmaids and HER brother. He hasn’t known these dudes nearly as long as the rest of the crew. Am I wrong to be salty about the rest of our brothers getting snubbed? I am pretty sure she hijacked his fantasy football team and drafted 1 quarterback and the rest punters! (If you catch my drift)
Finally; the majority of the groomsmen aren’t even of LEGAL age. This eliminates hitting a club or a Friday night bar crawl. Is it possible to plan a raucous stag party with a handful of 19 year olds in tow? Oh, they don’t golf either. Where does go-karting or paintballing sit on the hierarchy of bachelor activities? We did all of those things when we were thirteen. At least they eat red meat and can enjoy a steak dinner, hopefully.
I could really use some help here Dorn.
This seems like some Saving Silverman type shit when his fiancée got him a group of new friends to replace his old ones. Plus the being generally overbearing thing, of course. Not cool.
Unless you kidnap Neil Diamond to help you convince your buddy, through song, that he’s actually in love with someone else and calls off this wedding, you’re going to have to accept that he his her property now. And she’s calling all the shots.
That bachelor party is going to suckkkkkkkkk. No golf, no bars, no fun. I don’t even know where to recommend you go for it. Disney World or some shit? I guess you can go fishing or stay in a house on the river somewhere. If it’s during the cold months, you can go skiing.
Can you convince him to add some of your other friends to the trip? That might be your best bet here. Good luck. Sorry I’m not much help.
Sup Dill,
LTFT etc.
I’ve found myself in a bit of a pickle, need your’s and the toucher’s expert advice.
So I’ve been dating my girlfriend, we’ll call her Mary, for almost 4 years now (2 in college which I have a feeling don’t count as much as grown up dating years). I know your feelings on the 1-10 scale so without upsetting you let’s just say that when we met Mary was a certified 9 (still is). Things were awesome in college and I was no doubt certain this was the woman I would some day marry. She’s super down to earth, smart, friendly, you get the picture. Since we’ve gotten out of school however our lives have both been busy and that spark that was there when we first got together has somewhat dwindled. We see each other a few days a week, talk daily, don’t really fight so things aren’t bad, I enjoy spending time with her but wouldn’t say I crave to be with her.
My questions is, how do I know? I should probably have said that she was my first serious relationship, like ever (longest prior lasting 2 months, wasn’t much of the serious dating type) I’m in my early 20s, would say fairly attractive, with a good job, so don’t doubt I could find someone else, just worry that without being able to compare to any past serious relationship could I potentially be giving up the best person I’ll ever come across just because I don’t feel the “spark”. Is that supposed to last? I’m a man in an ocean without a compass so any direction given is appreciated!
One love
I think we have the hottest reader base of any publication on the planet. I swear every one of you is at least “fairly attractive.” I love it.
I think you should move on from this relationship, but, full disclosure, I don’t feel strongly about offering that advice. After four years of being with someone, I think it’s pretty normal to not “crave” being with them all the time. The spark will likely fade and it can be a challenge to keep things exciting. Plus, she sounds like she has keeper potential.
On the other hand, you’re having doubts in your early 20s (young to get locked down) AND this is the first real relationship you’ve ever been in. You have a lot to experience. A lot to figure out about yourself. If you’re already uncertain about this one, why would you shut down the process and hope it all works out for you?
I rarely feel great about recommending to someone that they end a relationship, but you have to look out for yourself above everyone else. Live your best life.
Sup King
I’m a 23 year old recent grad working a sales job in the northeast. I’m still pretty new to adulting, but have noticed a trend with some of my coworkers. Many of them do not wear their wedding rings even though they are married (men and women). Is this normal for people who work in an office all day? I’ve never been married but feel like I would want my future spouse to rock the ring all the time.
Thanks!
Matt
That is not normal at all. I don’t know what’s going there..
The more questions I receive, the better this series is going to be, so send me your Mailbag questions to dillon@grandex.co and please put “Mailbag” in the subject line.
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Dillon Cheverere
Dillon Cheverere is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. Email: dillon@grandex.co
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RogerJDorn
Best man: your boy is dead.
I don’t think his F-word knows that just because her bridesmaids have boyfriends that doesn’t mean they are now your groomsmen. They sick in the back with the open bar, which is better for everyone involved.
And the fact that the groom didn’t point this out more than likely means that hope is lost for him
He’s young and he’s marrying someone with more red flags than a Chinese military parade less than a year after meeting her. There have been previous signs that all hope is lost for him.
Yeah his story actually depresses me. I’ll pour one out for his boy tonight.
That’s where I was when my (now -ex) gf’s best friend got married. Ex was a bridesmaid and ya boy was in the pew all alone, with her mother.
Damn. I wish this dude realized that literally nothing changes once you’re married except for the fact that you dropped a shit ton of money for a religious prom, basically. So why rush it? Also, he should have taken that wedding money and allocated to something that doesn’t have a large failure rate, like real estate because at the end of the day everyone needs an overpriced box to cry in lol
Yep this guy is so fucked
Easy joke about Dorn being the older one in the age gap.
Only a few of us are going to get that one, love it
Remember when people would race to comment that for the easy ^’s? good times
Damn what a throwback. Forgot about this joke. Thank you for brightening my day
this one made me smile, thanks for the memories Dorno #teambacon
that fantasy football penalty has me SHOOK
We made our friend take a knee during the national anthem at the Houston Rodeo
Dear God theres no way that went over well at the Houston Rodeo
His life was threatened and I’m pretty sure there’s a few cowboys that will never forget his freedom hating face. It’s the gift that keeps giving
Did you guys pay for the security detail required to safely escort him out afterwards?
My brother came in DFL in his fantasy league and had to get frosted tips in his hair.
It takes an insane person to “get strippers and prostitutes” with Dad and Brother around. No way they mean it.
Also, surprise the Bachelor by inviting the crew without him knowing. Ditch those planted spies and have a god damn bachelor party like you’re supposed to.
There’s nothing more to add here. That’s a brilliant idea, and maybe doing it up for a bachelor party with all of his old buddies might knock some sense back into him
Dude’s gotta sit the groom down with the rest of his friends and knock some sense into him. Having bridesmaid’s boyfriends as your groomsmen is a WILD move that should not be tolerated
I want to start by saying I love this call; the inherent rebelliousness of that act would take the energy of the bachelor to the next level.
That being said, the groom would break a couple of days before the event. The bachelor party would be like that scene in The Matrix where Cypher betrays the crew of the Nebuchadnezzar and everyone gets wiped out.
That’s why you don’t tell the bachelor. Surprise bachelor parties are the new 2018 wave.
Ahhh I thought the surprise was that the boys were coming, not the party as a whole. V hip.
That’s why you don’t tell the groom. Side text with his real boys and not the groom and then an official group text with the groomsmen. Surprise, the crew shows up and the lame asses who don’t golf and can’t enter bars are around for the pool time and the big meals and…that’s it.
Hundy P.
Has Will started writing in mailbag questions for his fictional characters because that best man question sounds a lot like Todd?
Hahaha holy shit
Since when did R. Kelly start a fantasy football league?
Comment of the Month Candidate
If any of my friends suggested wearing a piss soaked sweatshirt in public as a Fantasy Football punishment, I would find new friends. That is some weird shit, man.
Seriously. I would rather not play fantasy football than have a 1 in 8 chance of having to do that.
Also, maybe they could find 2-4 people to make it a legitimate sized league if they didn’t have such a shitty punishment for finishing last.
No joke an eight (8) team league is amateur hour
23 year old dating the 30 year old- a huge factor for you to consider is if she wants kids and, if so, how soon. Unless the plan is to adopt, most women who want kids try to have them before 35.
Thinking of my 23 year old self as a new father makes me physically ill.
I have the same feelings about my 28 year old self
also same
co-sign. They need to have “the timeline talk”. How long do you want to be engaged before marriage? How long do you want to be married prior to having offspring? How old does she want to be when trying to have kids. This timeline debacle gave me a lot of headache and heartache in a previous relationship and we were only 4 years apart. To think, I was almost engaged lol
I 100% agree, though you may still be young, she has a clock that is starting to drain. If you could see her being “the one”, like mother of your children “the one”. Then that convo needs to happen, like now. I don’t have the same reservations about your age that some of the other commenters have about being a parent. 23 is young, but it’s not 18 young (my mom had me young and I actually enjoyed having a young parent). You’re most likely graduated from college by now, so you probably don’t have academic responsibilities. So, I guess it depends on what *kind* of 23 year old you are, and only you can answer that. But, if you have any reservations it’s better to cut ties sooner rather than later, not just for your sake, but her’s too.
Girl with the boyfriend going to Vegas: totally agree with what Dillon said. Don’t make him pay for the sins of your ex, especially if he’s never given you any indicators of that kind of behavior. If anything, you getting jealous and overbearing has the potential to come out as a negative between you two. I would sit him down and explain the situation to him. He then should reassure you that he’s not that kind of guy, won’t do what your ex did, etc. and you two should be good to go.
Guy dating the woman 7 years older than him: if she wants kids, her clock is ticking. Are you ready to have kids within the next year or two? Because if she wants kids, she’s probably ready. Sit her down and discuss.
Guy losing the spark: leave. If you were in your late 20’s and had been with other women, I’d say otherwise, but you’re young and you’ve never been with anyone else. It’s my firm belief that most people should be with multiple people (dating, one night stands, etc.) before settling down in order to get that out of their system because this comes out regardless – whether it’s when you’re playing the dating game with no holdbacks in your early-mid 20’s, or later on in life when you’re married with 2 kids, except then the repercussions are much uglier.
Only here to piggy back off the guy losing the spark advice. I have been with my current SO (not using F word since apparently that’s a trigger) for 3 years and I will admit sometimes the lust and general excitement isn’t CONSTANT but I was with two people before him and dated a lot in college. And I can say with 100% certainty I am with the person I should be.
You need to know what you’re looking for and being that young and already feeling “meh” is a sign. I dumped my ex of 3 years because I had just graduated and generally was “meh” about it. Don’t get sucked in. You owe it to her to break up if you aren’t into it anymore.
Also, I realized how shitty my math was… I dumped my ex 5 years ago… it’s been a day.
I don’t think I’ll ever, “get that out of [my] system”
To the guy who’s questioning his 4 year relationship:
From personal experience, once you start doubting a relationship you may want to consider moving on. On the other hand, the transition from college to the monotony of the working world can sometimes affect a relationship in the sense that you no longer have as much time to “focus” on it like you did in college. My suggestion to you would be try to spice up the times you do spend together; do something out of the norm of what you normally do and see how that makes you feel. Sometimes a little difference out of the same old helps.
I second this. Every relationship goes through peaks and valleys, but I still get excited to see my mans after work and we’ve been together nearly 5 years. We lead independent lives, but I still “crave” spending time with him. If you’re with the right person, that spark shouldn’t fade to the point where you question the relationship.
Third. My (now) husband and I were in a similar situation a couple of years ago and one of the best things we decided to do was travel. We ended going on 4 trips in a 6 month span to places neither of us had been too. And we made them all different, like hiking the Grand Canyon to doing an all inclusive in Cancun. You get to see the other person in a new light and it will help confirm whether or not this is the person you want to continue to do things like this with.
4thed. This is actually what I came here to say. College is awesome, constantly surrounded by friends and almost unlimited time for activities. Post grad life is great too, but you do need to actually make an effort to not fall into a rut. The way I read it, you are in a routine and things are getting boring. Travel, go on dates on weeknights, etc.
Dang. Wish I would have heard this like a year ago.
Fifth’d. I’m a couple months shy of being two years into my relationship (not quite as seasoned as some of you other veterans, but still long-term), and while our relationship is settling into a little bit of a slower, routine-based thing, I still love every minute of it. We’ve built a life together and are growing with each other. Even when it’s a “get home, shower, dinner, TV, bed” kind of night, I’m so happy. Sparks still fly even when there’s a boring daily routine. I agree that you should consider making more time for each other and actually go do something like travel or literally anything out of your normal routine, especially if you don’t want to give up on it. My man came to the grocery store with me this weekend, and it was a blast. Little things can make a big difference.
I knew my previous relationship was toast when I would rather do things by myself when he was around. Grocery store runs were annoying, not fun. Watching TV I didn’t even really feel like cuddling. At the end of the day I knew what I had to do. It sucked, but I think we’re both a whole hell of a lot better off.
Going to the store with him is the freaking best.
This is too damn cute wish you two the best
I think this is the first time I’ve ever commented, but I feel like this question is speaking directly to me. Been dating my girlfriend of three years (one or so in the “real world”) and felt “meh” about it for the last two months or so, we talked about it a few times and I eventually broke up with her (it was very short and we’ve since gotten back together) and realized it was a big-time mistake to just end it without trying anything. I can’t recommend enough the more doing things on weeknights and traveling thing. Even if you’re young, I’d think long and hard before actually ending it because I did not, I just thought of the positives of being single again, which don’t outweigh the positives of a relationship if you really care about the person.
Reiterating everyone else at this point, but I agree with these comments. Dated my ex for 2 years in college and one full year out. I felt like we were in a rut and I chose to break out off despite all the great aspects of our relationship to see what else is out there. 3 years later I regret that a lot and wish I would’ve made serious efforts at the time to get that “spark” back. I’d give it a serious shot at reigniting things before breaking it off.