======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
I’ve recently started seeing a guy that I’ve been casually friends with for almost a year. When we’re alone, or when we’re in a group and he’s sober, it’s going great. He’s funny, smart, generous, interesting…and super annoying when he’s drunk. He’ll get really crude and loud and obnoxious–and everyone else thinks so too. He’ll get like this at least a few times a month and it gets old. The next day if I’m pissed we’ll talk about it and he’ll fix THAT thing–never make THAT joke again, or never say THAT to the bartender–but the next time it’ll be something different.
Again, he doesn’t get mean or angry or aggressive. Just annoying as hell. I really like him sober, but I hate being associated with him when he’s wasted. Do you think this can be fixed or is it just who he is?
Thanks. I owe you.
I have always found it interesting how people can drastically change once they’re drunk. Drunk alter egos are a very weird thing. You have people who like to fight, people who get loud and obnoxious, people who get creepy and sexually deviant, people who wander off alone, then, on the other end of the spectrum, you have people who get happy and social — all brought on by an elevated BAC.
It’s as if their inner most self comes out. I’m very thankful I’m not someone who turns into a completely different person when I get drunk. I pretty much just get social and easily amused and then I pass out. It’s wonderful. I’ve known some very upstanding people who turn into complete monsters when they drink, though. It’s scary. It’s like you don’t know the person in front of you.
Those people HAVE to control their drinking. They just have to. If not, they’re going to drive the people away they care about. And no, this can’t be fixed unless you convince him to slow down the drinking, to find a stopping point before the asshole in him comes out. If he can’t do that, you’ll have to learn to accept this behavior or move along.
Sup Dill Pickles,
Need some help in the relationship department, as I have quite the conundrum.. Been at my current job for around four years. During this time, I have gone against my better judgement and advice of my peers and dipped my pen in the company ink… a few times. First time was a pretty consistent fling for a few months. Ended when she wanted to get serious and I didn’t want to go down that path. Second time was just a one night stand. Third time was pretty bad as I was banging a married chick every now and again over the course of a month or two.
Anyway there is a pretty cute new chick in the office and I want to shoot my shot but I’m worried I’m becoming known as the office slut. I don’t want my reputation to precede me and ruin any chance I have with her, but I also don’t want to lie/deny any previous hookups should that topic come up because of a Chatty Cathy spilling the beans to her.
New chick is down to earth, really cute, and gets my humor.
Do I shoot my shot and hope this could be the one? Or do I chalk it up to an L and just try and find someone outside of the office to make a move on?
Appreciate the help, love the podcast and keep up the good work.
It’s very surprising to me that, after three dips into the company ink, you have come out of it pretty much unscathed, especially considering the third one. Fuck, man.
If you start the office flirtations in front of the other people in your office, your reputation is going to precede you. There will be some break room conversations that could make your chances go sideways. If you want to shoot your shot here — might as well since you’ve able to make it work for you thus far — the move is to get out in front of the storyline and let her know very base level, pertinent-only information about your office “relationships.” This will allow you to feel her out before asking her out.
P.S. Stay away from married chicks.
Hi! My fiancee and I have been together for over 5 years. My problem is he likes to Google women either sexy or naked. I’ll either be sitting next to him or asleep. Most genearly I’ll be dressed to have some fun. We have had ‘discussing about him wanting to join a dating site to ‘mess’ with people, women, basically. I’ve told him that that is a form of cheating. He says no its not. What’s your say on this?
So your fiancé will look at pictures of naked women as you’re next to him, usually dressed in lingerie/underwear, AND he is telling you he wants to hop on dating apps/websites to “mess with people”?
The nudie pictures thing is odd because he’s doing it in front of you. Almost every guy out there, even the ones in relationships, watch some form of porn. It’s common. Doing it in front of you, though? And when you’re clearly not into it? WEIRD. Doing it while you’re dressed all sexy like and ready for some action? MESSED UP.
The dating app thing, though. That’s Red Flag City. This dude is up to something. If he wants to mess with people, tell him to get a Twitter account.
I know you know all this shit is unacceptable. I mean you’re emailing me about it. Maybe you just need to hear it, though: This shit is unacceptable.
My son is a sophomore in college, and he’s having a rough time. I try to get through to him, but I feel like you would be a much more reliable source of information. My son is a phenomenal student. He gets A’s in almost every class, has a 3.9 GPA, is in his school’s honors program, is studying to be an accountant, and does a lot of clubs (Business club, finance club, intramural sports). He’s killing it academically.
However, socially, he’s not doing too well. When he first came to college, he was really shy. He connected with the smart kids and never really fit in with the “cut class, day drink, and party all the time” crowd. Now, he feels like he’s missing out. It’s at the point in college where everyone has their defined “groups” he tells me, and so it’s been difficult for him to make friends with “party-guys” seeing as he has no connections and none of his friends ever like to go out. What do you think I should tell my son? The school he goes to has no Greek life and he asked about transferring. I’m just not sure what to tell him, or what’s best for him. Any advice helps.
I want to suggest intramural sports, but you said he’s already doing that. I want to suggest joining a fraternity, but you said his school doesn’t have Greek life.
While one of these isn’t an option and the other isn’t working, the idea behind them still remains: He has to surround himself with the type of people who are into the things he wants to be into.
Is he playing a single intramural sport like kickball, or is he doing all of them? Because he needs to do all of them: flag football, beer league softball, basketball, etc. Make it a numbers game. If one doesn’t work, okay, it happens. If five don’t work, we have a problem.
Other places he should consider hanging out: the gym, the rec center, tailgates, school basketball games, local late night eateries when the bars empty. Post up at a Gumby’s Pizza and wait for the drunks to pile in. Tell him to drag his nerdy friends away from the Xbox kicking and screaming if he has to and go check out the late night scene.
It’s going to take him getting out of his comfort zone, which I know can be tough. I’m introverted myself. I get it. Context clues tell me this could be a small private school with little sports programs or social scene to speak of. If that’s the case, and if experiencing college in all its unbridled glory is important enough to him, I wouldn’t take transferring off the table.
Good luck to him, and to you. This question got me in the feels.
I’m generally not one to seek out advice because I’m a bit of a know-it-all, but I find myself in a unique position that I have a hunch you’ll be able to help me out with.
I recently ran into a semi-famous local sports figure at my gym. I didn’t want to bother him, but much to my surprise, he approached me. Turns out somehow he knew me from the blog. He actually asked me if I wanted to go for coffee, and we exchanged numbers. A few days later we had coffee, and I thought it was pretty cool he considered us friends. But then everything changed.
He told me he was interested in taking out this girl who we ran into when we were out getting drinks one time. She’s actually an ex of mine from college and we’ve remained pretty good friends, especially since I’ve moved to New York. He asked me a couple of times if I wouldn’t mind if he texted her and asked her out. I reluctantly said no. I made plans with him to watch some college football but he ended up cancelling. After talking with my ex I found out that he ditched our plans to hang out with her. I was pretty pissed off!
Then, the next day, he calls me. He CALLS me. Who the fuck does that? And the nerve of this guy. He asks me to help him move some furniture. What, he couldn’t ask a few teammates of his to help him move around a few couches and a boudoir? I barely know the guy; next thing you know he’ll be asking me to drive him to the airport. Two friends of mine told me not to trust this guy. What’s the deal – am I being too rash or should I dump this guy as a friend.
Man, you’re really stressing over this guy, aren’t you? It’s almost like you’re dating him, too, and not just your friend/ex. Maybe relax a little? The next thing you know you’ll be second guessing the shirt you wear to meet him out, like you need to make a good impression.
You really shouldn’t be helping this guy move, and you definitely can’t be driving him to the airport.
Best case scenario here is your friend/ex finds out this guy is a smoker or some shit and stops seeing him and then your neighbor across the hall swoops in and takes over helping him move so you don’t have to. Hopefully your neighbor has a friend to help him out. A fat one. The fatter, the better..
The more questions I receive, the better this series is going to be, so send me your Mailbag questions to [email protected] and please put “Mailbag” in the subject line.