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Welcome to the PGP Mailbag, wherein I will answer questions from you, our readers. Send your questions to dillon@grandex.co. All topics welcome.
Hey Dilly Dilly,
I’ve been seeing this guy for about 3 months, we hit it off right away and things heated up quick. We have a ton in common, are super comfortable with each other, both wanting something serious, etc…. basically a great start to a relationship. Only problem is he can’t finish in bed. We’ll be having an awesome, sweaty time and eventually we both get tired but he never finishes. He swears it’s not me or anything I’m doing but I have a hard time believing that. I can understand it happening once or twice but every. single. time? He always assures me and tells me how attracted to me he is but I’m at a loss here. Any idea what the deal is?
Catch ya on the flippity flop.
Rest easy. It’s not you. He either has some serious sexual anxiety problems or a medical condition. Or he’s always really drunk or on drugs, or both, and/or uses a condom.
You should believe him when he says he’s into you, but yeah there’s some other shit going on here and it could be a pretty easy fix once he figures out what’s causing it. I actually just did about five minutes of research for you, and basically he needs to make an appointment to talk to a doctor.
Congrats on the sex, though.
Hey Dillon,
Never thought I’d be turning to an internet mailbag column for advice, but strange times make for strange bedfellows. Sorry in advance for the long read. I took a quick romantic weekend trip out of state with my gf this past weekend, and a nice time was had by all. Until last night when we flew back.
While scrolling through Instagram in the airport, I liked my best friend’s gf’s photo (she’s technically his wife actually, they got green card married so she could stay in the country, long story). My thought process (what little there was) was that this is my best friend’s gf/wife, therefore she’s my friend too by default, so I’ll like her pics in solidarity just as I do for my other close friends.
My gf got suuuuper mad that I did that, and on the car ride home from the airport actually threatened to break up with me. (She had previously gotten mad at me for liking another one of this girl’s photos like 6-8 months ago too (which I thought was ridiculous at the time also). And these aren’t like thirst trap bikini selfies. The first one was a pic of this girl’s food while out to dinner with my buddy, and this one was a fully-clothed pic walking by the beach – which I figured my buddy had taken of her.
My gf accused me of having a thing for my buddy’s gf/wife (which is insulting and 1000% untrue), and said it’s weird that I would like her photos, especially because she apparently doesn’t like ones that I or my gf post (though I don’t keep track of that kind of stuff myself…).
I think this whole thing is petty, unreasonable, and controlling (and this isn’t the first time I’ve thought that about something she got mad at me for. I’m at the point where I’m embarrassed to ask my friends for advice – hence this email). My gf argues that if I loved her I would go along with her prohibition on liking my friend’s gf’s pics, despite how I feel about it. Is this as crazy as I think it is? Am I wrong here and actually being an asshole? If the former, how much unreasonableness am I supposed to cater to in the name of love? I feel like I have to draw the line somewhere.
Either you’re withholding some crucial details here (like if you’ve cheated on her before, you used to have a thing for this girl, etc.) or your girlfriend has some red flag level insecurity issues.
Let’s assume you’re being upfront with all pertinent information and her jealousy/insecurity is unwarranted. If liking your best friend’s girlfriend’s IG posts upsets your girlfriend so much that she threatens breaking up with you, you’d be better off if she actually followed through on that threat. That is Ri. Dic. U. Lous. And they’re not even bikini pics?
All significant others of friends/family, friends of your significant other, and hot celebrity pics are fair game for likes. That’s day one social media stuff. She’s wrong and she needs to know that. Until you give her a reason not to trust you (and again, I hope you’re being upfront here), she should not be threatened by this.
Hey Dillon,
Big fan of the mailbag. I’ve been struggling with this conundrum, and would appreciate your thoughts.
My parents’ friend’s daughter is getting married in Europe this summer, and all of us have been invited. My parents are planning to go, and have asked if I’d like to come. However, I have only spoken to the bride a few times and have never met her fiance, which would be a big investment for me in terms of PTO and money. Plus, I’ll be obligated to invite her family and fiance when I get married (5 people). On the other hand, I have always wanted to go to Europe, it provides me an excuse to do so, and my parents have offered to cover the hotels if I pay for everything else. What would you recommend I do?
Appreciate your thoughts!
A roundtrip ticket to Europe from the States runs between $700 and $1,000, right? If Mom and Dad are covering hotel, that puts you on the hook for meals, drinks, and any excursions you get into while there. You’re dropping about two grand to go on a European vacay with your parents to attend a wedding you care nothing about. Not the most exciting trip. I will also assume you’ll be limited as far as places you’re able to visit, as most of the itinerary will be planned for you.
If I’m you, I save the PTO and money to go to Europe with your girlfriend or with friends. Make the most of it.
“Plus, I’ll be obligated to invite her family and fiance when I get married (5 people).”
I hate to see this. No, you will NOT be obligated. On YOUR wedding day, you invite the people you want to be there with you on your big day. You don’t worry about anyone else because that shit doesn’t matter even a little bit.
Hey D,
I recently accepted the fact that I have to start working out and eating better in order to get the type of body I can be comfortable in. I’m not asking for workout schemes, or diet tips, because I know you’re not qualified to answer them. But, I did read that when you started getting into shape, you switched from beer, to a “healthier” alcohol alternative.
My questions is, what specific types of alternative alcohol drinks do you recommended when trying to avoid the brewskis? I’m not looking for anything too complicated, but I wouldn’t mind enjoying the drink too. Wine is a no go, but I am open to anything else.
Love the Mailbag, keep it up.
Why are you acting so messed up towards wine, man? Red wine is phenomenal and gives you a very different buzz. Learn to appreciate it. And respect it. And don’t come at me with that negativity, as I don’t need it in my life.
Vodka and tequila with any mixer that doesn’t have sugar is a great alternative to beer if you’re trying to watch your calorie intake. Vodka sodas and tequila sodas, both with lime, are two I’d recommend.
Dillon,
Another typical postgrad wedding question. One of my oldest and closest friends has decided to have his wedding in Aruba this fall. He has done very well for himself since graduation and this should be a pretty kickass and lavish event. He’s told me he doesn’t expect a lot of his invites to show up since it’s out of country and also on a WEDNESDAY (some meaningful date to the couple) but I know he expects me to be there. I am the typical post grad just trying to pay the bills with some extra money each month to feed the wino in me/save for an internship that will further my career opportunities.
Is it rude to ask him to assist me with the hotel or some sort of expenses while out there? Just the flight itself will be more than I pay in rent. I can’t stand the thought of missing the most important day of his life, but I don’t think it’s reasonable to go into debt for what boils down to a one day event. Thoughts?
No, you can’t ask him to help you cover the costs. This is a tough situation, I get it, because it’s basically someone planning a semi-mandatory vacation for you that you have to pay for. It sucks, but it’s part of being an adult and having friends.
You’re going to have to decide if it’s financially feasible to go. If I were him, and you told me you couldn’t make it because of financial reasons, I would totally understand where you’re coming from and would make sure you didn’t feel obligated to make it. I suggest you take that route. And you never know; he might offer to help you out.
Dillon!
I’m coming to Austin in a few weeks and was wondering what your suggestion would be for asking someone that I’ve never met to go get a beer because I think he’s hilarious and super attractive. Specifically, how do I ask you?
Shooting our shots in 2018.
Ayyyye. First of all, I’m flattered af. An unexpected gassing from the inbox is exactly what I needed today. You’re the best, [name redacted].
To answer your question, might I direct you to episode 137 of Touching Base.
This was recorded after a first date, which we discussed. It turns out that date, and all subsequent ones with the same person, went really well and I am now spoken for. For this reason, I must decline. Have fun in Austin, though. Keep an eye out for the squad if you’re out and about..
The more questions I receive, the better this series is going to be, so send me your Mailbag questions to dillon@grandex.co and please put “Mailbag” in the subject line.
Respond
Dillon Cheverere
Dillon Cheverere is the Vice President of Media for Grandex, Inc. Email: dillon@grandex.co
@dcheverere
@dcheverere
RogerJDorn
we get it you have a girlfriend
Referencing her in everything now
Yo what meal did she cook the other day for you? The people want to know.
Ass salad
Mississippi pot roast. It was bomb
Is that what ass salad is called in Texas? Interesting.
If it wasn’t before, it is now.
#lunchbeers
Girl at the end, don’t stop shooting your shot just because you got shot down! Major points for the mailbag date invite.
I almost Nice Work’d this but it’s at 69 so let it be.
Nice work
Guy with the insecure girlfriend: she has more red flags than a Soviet Union military parade. I would normally say sit her down and reassure her, but it sounds like this isn’t the first thing she’s done that’s been questionable – you mention she can be controlling, petty, unreasonable, etc. You don’t give enough of a background of your relationship, but going from what you wrote, if you’ve communicated your issues to her in the past, I’d say you should start contemplating ending things.
I think it might be time to put her down :/
I’ll do it, ma. She’s my dog.
Amen. My last gf had these same issues, which stemmed from being in several shitty relationships before I came around (I was 100% faithful). She wasn’t the controlling type, but had awful trust issues that always came out when she drank. She’d always accuse me of being into my buddies’ significant others, girls that I’ve been platonic friends with for many years, my ex-gfs before her, etc.; none of which were true. The first episode happened less than a month into our relationship on a trip with other couples I was friends with, which should’ve been a major red flag for me, but I’m an idiot. So naturally I kept dating her for over a year and a half after that, with the same issues popping up almost every time she drank, before I finally called it quits (after letting my frustrations be known many many times over the course of the relationship). The sad thing is that she is a great girl outside of her trust issues, which sucked, but I just couldn’t put up with it anymore. Get out, man – before you become even more invested in the relationship. Its not worth it if her issues keep persisting.
I’ll second that. Kudos to you for being smarter than me and getting out early. I’m going on 10 years in this situation and the end is just as far away as it was in the beginning. It only gets harder once kids, a mortgage, and the prospect of coming up with money to pay for divorce lawyers get thrown in the mix. In my experience, the trust issues never leave no matter how many times they say they’ll change.
Those are the worst ones to try to beak up with
Instagram guy-I second Dillon. This is a HUGE red flag. Control and manipulation is a two way street, and if the roles were reversed any good friend would be telling you to head for the hills. Insecurity will never lead to a successful relationship
Shooting your shot girl, you are my POWER PLAYER OF THE WEEK
@firstchick he’s either very dehydrated or secretly gay. Either way, tell him to drink more water
Maybe it’s a dude writing in and he is secretly straight.
I’m with Dillionaire here. I would suspect the gentleman here’s having trouble cause of A) booze B) performance anxiety C) Jerkin his gerkin before bumping fuzzies or D) Vasectomy. Can’t do much about D aside from plugging the wires back in but it may be worth trying a sober roll in the seaweed sometime though to see if that helps with A or B.
I dated a guy who had hernia surgery not so long before and he said it affected his sensitivity etc
Drop the “performance” from B for just anxiety of any kind and I’d say if there’s no medical issue, it’s likely a combo of B and C (not saying it’s not performance related, but I’d open it up to any and all types of anxiety)
Have him smoke pot. Couldn’t hurt
Hey if you can’t like someone on Instagram in peace, you’re dating a lunatic and you should run.
Source: a guy that dated a true psychopath and lived to tell about it
Instagram guy: Sucks that you just blew some cash on that romantic weekend, but you know what to do. Grab this one by the horns and have fun being single.
Just when I need it most at the end of the day, PGP comes up big with a mailbag post. You guys do God’s work.
I cant imagine deciding on a destination wedding where I ask everybody to fly out to an exotic location. I know it’s my day but I’d feel like I am playing some selfish ball. Plus you get to go on a honeymoon so it’s not like you are missing out on a fun trip if you get married at home.
it seems like something girl would do
Exactly. Make your honeymoon in Aruba and get married stateside. Also, maybe don’t get married on a random (to everyone else) Wednesday because you’re essentially making people make a vacation out of this wedding.
I feel like destination weddings are what couples do when they don’t want people to attend, but don’t know how to tell them (or feel bad not inviting). No one is ACTUALLY expected to go to them
I get the concept of “destination” weddings being cumbersome for travel, but for my wedding, people were coming from Nashville, Atlanta, Louisiana, Illinois, etc. So I don’t get the big difference between traveling to their hometown and some other exotic location. Domestic flights can be just as expensive sometimes.
I’m not against it when you have some family/friends in the wedding location. It’s when it’s a destination for everyone that’s a problem imo
Everyone, I think I just found a grand opportunity at love and hate all at the same time…guy with insanely insecure GF should propose trying our swinging in order to find a deeper love connection with each other. Then, they somehow get in contact with guy who can’t blow knuckle babies on girl’s stomach good and them they work out an arrangment to meet with plenty of upside-down pineapples, long break masks, red wine, and pentagram decorations sprinkled with cocaine in candle light. Then they swap and guy with shitty GF leaves with sexually frustrated girl so she can get his rocks off and forces shitty GF to endure the sexy time spent with guy who can’t cum good so she can spiral out further into an insecure inansity that no prescription drug or therapist can fix lol