It’s been a while since I’ve updated you on what life is like in The Friend Zone. Sadly, Mia and I are still friends and I really don’t have any blog-worthy updates on that specific front. I’m still running around The Friend Zone like that Windows 95 screen saver where there’s no end of the maze.
HOWEVA, that doesn’t mean I can’t report on other major Friend Zone happenings, and one major story regarding The Friend Zone has more than caught my eye. I’m talking, of course, about the absolutely dumbfounding friendship between Lindsay Lohan, and a Korean billionaire known as the Korean Hulk.
It looks like Lohan has been traveling the world with this dude, visiting Dubai and Mykonos (how basic). She’s all over his Instagram. Check this weird shit out.
A post shared by Je-yong Ha (@koreanhulk) on
Have you ever seen someone more in The Friend Zone than Korean Hulk? I mean this guy is dug so deep in there he’s like a motherfucking sleeper cell at this point. Yet Lohan – through a friend – has had to make it abundantly clear that they not an item and that they’re “just friends.”
Via Page Six:
Over the weekend, Liftn, the weightlifting website, published an article claiming the “Parent Trap” star, 31, was dating a billionaire Korean bodybuilder named Je-Yong Ha, who goes by the nickname “Korean Hulk.”
The report stemmed from the fact that Lohan appears frequently throughout Ha’s Instagram page, including in one photo that he captioned, “@lindsaylohan More beautiful than ur day!!!”
But Vanity Fair confirmed that this unlikely duo isn’t a duo at all.
“Lol they are 100% not dating at all,” a source told the magazine. “They’re just friends.”
Ummmm, NO SHIT they’re just friends. He can throw all the money in the world at her and she’d only consider this dude a friend. He can take her to Mykonos in his private jet, treat her like a queen, buy her expensive stuff, and yet these Instagrams absolutely reek of a man obsessed with a girl who only considers him a friend. Really it’s sad to watch unfold, yet here I am, documenting this man’s decent into The Friend Zone.
I’m no expert on getting out of The Friend Zone, as evidenced by my saga over the summer, but one thing I do know is to lay off the gas pedal a little bit if your first crack at breaking the nuclear codes doesn’t go well. Like, Korean Hulk, when you were in Mykonos and it just didn’t happen for you, what was going on in your mind when you doubled down and decided to take her to Dubai? Oh, you couldn’t get it in at the beach? Fuck it, let’s head to the desert and rub shoulders with Arabian Princes.
My advice to the Korean Hulk is let it breathe, man. Head back to Korea to smash your biceps (because they’re looking a little tired), send Lohan back to God knows wherever the fuck she’s living, and pretty soon she’s going to be missing you and all the lavish gifts. Let the game come to you, man. .
[Via Page Six]
Image via Tinseltown / Shutterstock.com