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The upcoming presidential election seems to be a hot topic. Facebook is polluted with ridiculous political posts and people are starting to get really tense with each other. As we all look at the racist, the liar, the communist, and the nobodies, let me present to you my own personal choice for president. I back a candidate that will not only unite us, but he will also bring peace and a sense of relaxation country-wide. Jimmy Buffett needs to run for president.
Before you say he isn’t qualified, let me shut you down. Before I even get to all the real reasons he should run, let’s go over all the boring stuff that all the other politicians go on about. The guy is a business mogul. Jimmy has created an empire of Margaritaville Café and Cheeseburger In Paradise restaurants. He’s owned baseball teams, created an app, and opened casinos. Oh, you like drinking an ice cold Landshark Lager on a hot summer day? You can thank Jimmy Buffett for that. This man brings in over $100 million a year, so he could easily fix our broken economy. Healthcare and other social issues? Easy. Jimmy’s “everybody do your own thing” mentality would be applied. He would bring us all together so we can all live how we each want to and we would all get along. He has been heavily involved in charity and saving the ocean. He would try to take down corporate giants like BP. Foreign policy? Cake. Everyone loves Jimmy Buffett. If there were any tension with any nations, Jimmy would just go give a free private concert for all the leaders of that country. Jimmy Buffett 2016: Let’s All Be Friends.
Jimmy Buffett is a true man of the people and could easily unite our country. Have you ever been to one of his concerts? Ages range from newborns to people in their 90s. Jimmy Buffett is a candidate that appeals to all ages! This man is 69 (nice) years old, the perfect presidential age. He shares a birthday with Jesus (and me, s/o to all the Christmas babies). He embraces the #MargLife. He loves Hawaiian shirts. He has the chillest wardrobe. Jimmy Buffett loves all good things and would only incorporate good things for our country.
What kind of America do I see under Jimmy Buffett? I see a country united instead of divided. I see a country that doesn’t see color. I see a country with no more hate. I see a country that drinks margaritas with dinner. I see a nationwide mandatory 5 o’clock happy hour. I see a White House changing its name to Margaritaville. I see Hawaiian shirts being accepted instead of frowned upon. I see people of all backgrounds and ages living together in perfect harmony. I see the beautiful country we all love grounded on all the right principles. I see a country that would make Dubya, Bill, Reagan, JFK, Teddy, Abe, Jackson, Madison, TJ and even Washington proud.
Jimmy could have anyone as his VP: Kenny Chesney, Dave Matthews, Jack Johnson, Alan Jackson, or my personal pick, Willie Nelson. Imagine a world where every day is a vacation, where work isn’t a drag, where margarita machines replace water fountains, where the Secret Service wears Hawaiian shirts or where the national anthem is “Margaritaville.” Jimmy Buffett already has a strong following of supporters, and even though they are called Parrotheads, they are nothing to mess with. They even have their own special license plates in Virginia. Jimmy is a strong electable candidate that will finally unite our nation together. I even ran a straw poll on Twitter and the people agree.
writing up a column and I need to poll the people
would you vote for Jimmy Buffett for president?
— Delph (@delph_13) March 21, 2016
If you want to truly make America great again, then vote Jimmy Buffett 2016..
Image via YouTube
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I can hop on board with this. A couple years ago my dad and I went to a Jimmy Buffet show, got hammered and made a drunk run to Taco Cabana later that evening. Easily top 5 Father/Son moment.
I’ve attempted to attend his giant tailgate/concert in Dallas three times, never made it into the show on all the tries. Makes SEC tailgating look like daycare
Those “Spin the Wheel” tents get me every time
While Jimmy and I both have similar platforms, my nationwide happy hour reforms would be way more extensive.
Shibby 2016. A #VoteForShibby is a vote for happier hours everywhere.
Half day Fridays is something I can get behind
I was thinking you could be given a position as Cannabis Czar.
I guess we’ll see when the marg party national convention comes around… Until then if the people are tweeting #VoteForShibby It is my civic duty to be the candidate they need.
I still don’t get tweeting, and I don’t think I even know anyone that uses twitter.
I didn’t either man. We’d love to have you though
He’s probably the best suited for POTUS.
Plus, he looks like Joe Biden.
Kenny Chesney is an RC Cola wannabe Jimmy Buffett who makes country music for Pikes in Delaware that wish they were Southern
Aggressive take and I like it. That’s why I endorse this guy
via GIPHY
Listen to anything on Kenny’s first Greatest Hits CD and tell me you still believe that
Oh
Oh yes! Only if!
Buffett concert season is almost upon us. April 23rd couldn’t get here fast enough.