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I can only assume that it’s been a long morning at work for you. You skipped the gym this morning to get an extra hour and fifteen minutes of sleep. In the hazy minutes between jumping out of bed, getting in the shower, and tossing on an outfit that you’ve already worn to work this week, you forgot to go into the kitchen and grab the lunch you made for yourself last night.
12:30 p.m. comes and goes. The forgotten lunch is now the only thing you can focus on and the thought of eating free mints from the office lobby again makes your stomach groan and gurgle in fear. The clock is inching towards 1:15 p.m. now and chicken is on the brain. But not just any chicken. Chick-fil-A. The place that, despite not being open on Sundays, is arguably the best spot to go to for fast food. The oft-maligned chicken chain that serves up the greatest spicy chicken sandwich, dare I say of all time? Not only is the chicken sandwich made from 100 percent all-natural breast meat, with no fillers or additives, it’s also hand breaded from scratch daily inside the kitchen at each and every one of the more than 1,900 Chick-fil-A restaurants nationwide. In short, it’s really fucking good.
It’s also fall, though. And while many will tell you that the summer body you worked so hard to get these past eight months is going to go to shit if you start eating at Chick-fil-A down the street from your office all of the time and conveniently “forgetting” your walnut salad with no dressing at home, I’ll tell you the opposite.
The only fitness goal you should have and that you should try completing by the end of this week is allowing your body to go into complete and utter ruin. Forget about all of those burpees, lunges, bench presses, and long runs you went on to get your body in Instagram-ready form at the beach. The beach is old news and the body you worked so hard to get should be, too.
Just give up on it. Ignore the voices in your head that are pleading for fruits, vegetables, and lean protein. Disregard the little birdie chirping in your ear saying “Go to the gym, you slob. What happened to our goals?”
You’re going to be wearing sweaters, pants, and thick jackets as it is, so what the hell is the point in keeping a tight body when no one is going to see it outside of you in the mirror every morning and that poor girl who you somehow convinced to go home with you?
I can’t speak for my brethren in warm weather states, but I can tell you beyond a shadow of a doubt that life here in the midwest and on the east coast is about to be miserable once the snow starts to fall.
Enjoy that breaded chicken breast in between two toasted buns slathered in Chick-fil-a and Polynesian sauces. Eat cookies and stop drinking that bullshit Almond milk. I know you’d prefer to have a 2% or maybe even a whole milk chilling in your fridge. Have yourself a candy-induced coma this weekend and never leave the friendly confines of your shitty apartment.
Take up drinking light beer again as an activity. I know you gave it up in favor of strictly vodka-sodas but with all due respect to the summer body, you’re a ghost of seasons past.
The one and only fitness related goal you should have is to throw in the proverbial towel, for it is fall and no one gives a shit anymore. .