It’s Cool That I Can’t Throw A Football, Right?

It's Cool That I Can't Throw A Football, Right?

It’s not that big of a deal that I can’t throw a football. Sure, I’m almost 30 years old, but according to some reliable sources, it’s really not that important of a skill to have. Turns out throwing a football isn’t as direct of a correlation to masculinity as you would think. This is 2017 after all – men shouldn’t be pressured to conform to pre-established gender norms that date back hundreds of years. It doesn’t even matter that much to my father, who played in college and has told me on numerous occasions that he’s glad he “at least has three other sons.”

In fact, some have told me that it’s almost cooler that I can’t throw a pigskin. The awkward wobbly side armed lob that I’ve been cursed with actually gives me more character. Just last month at my company’s summer outing, I threw a few passes to my coworker and the next day I overheard people in the lunchroom talking about it and staring at me as I ate by myself. Talk about making a good first impression at my new company!

My youngest brother is a standout high school football player too. I know for a fact that he’d forgo the attention, popularity and teenage girls that come to a 17-year-old who can properly throw footballs in a second to walk a mile in my shoes. I mean just last weekend I went out to dinner and wasn’t too tired to go to a dessert spot afterward. Beat that evening Ben Hickey!

The real reason I can’t throw a football is because my hands are a little undersized. I’ve checked with the Capital F Fiancee and she says she “doesn’t mind” the size of my hands. She says they’re not too big and not too small but that they’re “the perfect size” for her. I just texted her for confirmation but her phone must have died while she’s at her coworker Chad’s apartment – for some reason her battery always dies at his place! She calls him her “work husband,” a fun nickname I don’t really understand.

Trust me, I’ve tried to learn, too. From disappointed older family members to male friends to male cheerleaders, each has tried to teach me to tuck in my elbow, throw past my ear and release the ball at the peak of its release. I’ll usually get a hang of it on the 200th try but by that time everyone’s left and I end up riding my bike home alone.

Needless to say, my life is pretty good even though I can’t throw a football. I figure it’s too late to break old habits and to be honest when will I actually need to? I have the respect and admiration of my friends, family and social circle and that’s all that matters to me.

* * *

This week on Don’t Take It From Us, 30 x reoccurring guest Kyle Bandujo joins Jenna and I to grade Bumble profiles and discuss shooting your shot in the DMs with girls you liked in high school. We also discussed how his relationship started in the DMs and play the Name Game! If you haven’t followed the DTIFU Music Spotify playlist yet you can listen here! Please don’t forget to leave us a 5-Star Review on iTunes! The funniest 5-Star reviews get read on the pod and the winner gets to be a guest on a future episode!

Do you have a dating or relationship question you want answered on the pod? Make sure you send our way! New eps will be released every Wednesday, so check it out on Soundcloud below or on iTunes!

Don’t forget to follow us on Instagram here for a first look at the dating profiles we’re grading and all sorts of content throughout the week!

Image via Shutterstock

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JR Hickey

Stand up comedian and writer from Chicago who now resides on the West Coast. JR can be seen performing at Cobbs Comedy Club in San Francisco and Zanies Comedy Clubs in Chicago. His work has been published in the Chicago Tribune and recently he was a part of SF Sketchfest 2015. JR's also the host of the PGP dating podcast Don't Take It From Us. He loves you very, very much.

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