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I’ve been sitting on this idea, this thought, for a good two years. I remember when it first popped into my head. Grandex’s own, Dan Regester had said, annoyingly and boldly, that “all married couples end up swinging.” This is the same guy who said we should send homeless people to Mars and that if you don’t get tested, you can never have an STD. It’s easy to see why I don’t really take the shit he says that seriously.
At the time, everyone around me cussed him out. The idea of our parents and relatives swinging was bad enough, but it was more than that. The few of us who were in relationships, and the rest who weren’t, sat there in a sort of shock, imagining the loves of our lives getting it on with someone else. WITH our permission. It wasn’t right. It wasn’t normal. It wasn’t what we’d been programmed to go after forever: monogamy.
Oh, yeah. Just in case you’re behind. I’m not talking about swing dancing here, folks. Keep up.
Anywho, after he said this, we all promptly told him to fuck off and that was that. End of discussion. Still, to this day, the thought has stayed in my head. It’s manifested itself there. Planted some roots, and as much as I try to shake it, I just can’t.
What if the secret to a seriously longterm, happy relationship, is to be swingers?
I realize how messed up that sounds, and it’s fine if you want to shit all over this notion. Hell, I shat all over this notion (ugh, sorry for all the shit talk). But the more I think about it, the more it just seems to make sense.
Now, I know that’s strange. I’m a twenty-something female in a serious, monogamous relationship. At this time in my life, I don’t want anyone else. I still get butterflies when he walks through the door and his kisses always make me melt (I know. I’m the worst). I haven’t stepped into a swingers club, and I have yet to create a couple’s Tinder account to find some unicorns. Still, there’s a reason 1/3 of married people cheat and 50% of relationships end in divorce. Because one or both parties aren’t satisfied, whether it be in the bedroom, in the relationship, or in life.
So, I don’t know. What if we could avoid that? What if the secret to a happy life together was to accept the fact that one person can’t necessarily give you everything you need? That people’s wants and desires evolve and change over time? That you can love someone and want to spend your life with them, but admit that you’re attracted to other people? Admit that you’d love to fuck other peoples’ brains out?
I mean, how many times do we pretend we don’t think the attractive stranger is hot, or that we don’t get turned on imagining hooking up with our coworker, or that the idea of just something or someone different feels exciting? We hide our porn. We deny our attractions. And we swear up and down that ~our person~ is the only one in the world we’re attracted to.
Which is, of course, bullshit. We’re in relationships, not dead.
I’m not necessarily saying this idea is the answer. I mean, what the hell do I know? What I am saying is that maybe, just maybe, Dan Regester was onto something. The more I’ve thought about it and the more I’ve researched it, it just kind of makes sense. Sure, it would take a lot of honesty, trust, and communication. But isn’t that the foundation of marriage? The very same foundation that people destroy when they cheat?
I guess what it all comes down to is that I don’t think swinging is the answer for everyone. Hell, maybe it’s not the answer for anyone. But maybe we’re not programmed to be with just one partner for the rest of our lives. Maybe what would be better is having people to love and cuddle and share our lives with, who also understand that you want to go get freaky together with strangers. Being with someone who is open to the idea of finding happiness and pleasure together, even if it’s not always just with each other. Maybe it’s the answer to a truly happily ever after, or maybe I’ve just watched one too many episodes of Real Life Wife Swap on Netflix. My suggestion? Grab some flowers on the way home from work and tell your SO that you’d like to give swinging a try. What could go wrong?.
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Rachel Varina
if it doesn't have snack or seats, i'm not there. hate mail/Sunny references can be sent to itsrachelvarina@gmail.com
@rachelvarina
@rachelvarina
“1/3 of married people cheat and 50% of relationships end in divorce. Because one or both parties aren’t satisfied…” – no, we just live in a world with a bunch of shit people doing shit things
So I could disappoint more than my future wife in bed? Hard pass
These people are prudes. Let your freak flag fly, Rachel.
Dan you seem like one of those guys who would try to convince his girlfriend to get into a one way open relationship.
I’m married and I’m not going to pretend that I haven’t been attracted to other people since marrying my husband and I doubt he would deny it either. That being said, there’s a huge difference between finding someone attractive and actually wanting to cross the line. He’s not the only man I find attractive but he’s the only man I want to be with. That’s the difference.
Basically Nicole Kidman’s monologue in “Eyes Wide Shut”
No thanks.
I’d swing with you and your wife in a heartbeat, Big Dave
Just find you a freaky S/O with a multiple personality disorder. That way you stay on your toes and never come home to the same boring person, and you still don’t have to cheat.
Until she murders you in your sleep.
No, no it is not.
There is a big difference between love and lust.
Agreed Woodrow.
Username checks out
Right. So then what’s the big deal if you and/or your partner fuck someone? That doesn’t change the love you have for each other.
Username checks out.
One of the benefits of being in a monogamous relationship is so that I don’t have to worry about disappointing my girlfriend with my 30 second jackhammer and finish – she’s already used to it by now. Getting another woman on board with that sounds like way too much of a pain in the ass.
And do you really want to risk your girlfriend finding a 31 second-er or God forbid, a minuteman? The answer is no, no you do not.
Yeah the only minuteman explosions I would want to see involve our ICBMs
What about her stepping out to get more than a 30 second pump and dump.
Clearly you did not understand my joke.
You can’t be a swinger until you have cryptic upside down pineapple symbology to let other swingers know how you roll. Go to 55+ neighborhoods, country clubs, and trailer parks and you’ll see that I’m right, as usual lol
So that’s what those pineapple dad hats mean..
50% of marriages don’t end in divorce. Not sure why this myth is still so common but it was disproved a long time ago. Happy fact of the day!
The stat is roughly true but not accurate. It takes into account all marriages. But it ignores the fact of those with multiple marriages which skews the numbers. It’s been awhile but the percentage of divorce in only first marriage couples is something like 30-35%.