Is KFC’s Chizza The Economic Utopia Adam Smith Wrote About?

Is KFC's Chizza The Economic Utopia Adam Smith Wrote About?

I love a free market economy. I wish ours were more free. I think people should be able to buy anything they want at any time. Fireworks that can blow up your block? Go for it. Dangerous animals you want to keep at your house despite having no training on their care? Why the hell not; I’ll come visit your home zoo.

Throw the restrictions out the window and open a tank and weed section at Walmart like our founders intended. But as much as I love all things capitalism, I have to wonder what 18th century Scottish economist and father of modern capitalism Adam Smith would think of the world we created. He once wrote, “It is in the interest of every man to live as much at ease as he can,” so would he be okay with someone like Corinne taking those teachings so literally they have a nanny at 26 years old?

And how would he feel about some of the franken foods a free market economy has given us, like KFC’s latest shameless culinary abomination, the Chizza.

Add one chicken breast, fried of course, slather the top of it with pizza sauce and sprinkle chunks of pineapple and “chicken ham” (whatever the fuck that is) before finishing your stoner’s magnum opus off with mozzarella cheese and KFC cheese sauce and you have the Chizza. Already a staple on most KFC menus in Asia, its expansion to Singapore this week could signal an arrival to western markets before our arteries and insurance providers have time to prepare for the havoc this monstrosity will wreak on the American health system. Do you think Stalin could have thought to sub chicken for crust on his pizza? Maybe, but it would have been out of desperation and not because his country gives him the kind of freedom that sort of creativity requires.

No, the Chizza is destined for the kind of economy the man who beat back Stalin and the rest of the USSR governed for eight glorious years. This is The Gipper’s chicken pizza; a meal fit for Uncle Sam himself. I can’t wait. I know Mr. Smith was probably daydreaming in the style of 3D printers and self driving cars when he wrote The Wealth of Nations, but off the cuff fast food items like the Double Down, the Big Mac, the Doritos Locos and the now the Chizza are that secondary benefit none of us could have imagined. What a time.

[via CBS Boston]

Image via KFC

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