It had been a while since I had sex. Fine, if you want to count the straight British guy I found roaming the gay bars in San Francisco from the previous Monday, you can.
But after his dick pulled a Brexit, the value of his pound decreased. After this failure, I decided that it was time to join some dating apps after taking a sabbatical for a few months.
After a few hours of swiping I had a match and moved on to messaging. We discovered that we live around the corner from each other, and in his words “we really should drink at some point this week, it’s too convenient not to.” This was perfect since I’m a lazy asshole and anytime I don’t have to take an Uber to get food, drinks, or do the deed I’m in.
We met up on the corner between our apartments and walked to a bar. Three drinks, a moderately decent conversation, and a few jokes later we left and started to make our way back to the corner where we met. But on the way there we walked by a drunk college student peeing on a building. My date insisted we cross the street so I wouldn’t see this random dude’s dick – a gentleman in every sense of the word. He kissed me as soon as we got to the other side. I’m not sure if watching other people urinate turns him on or if he realized that we had reached the corner and it was his last chance to get me to come back up to his apartment.
Call me easy, but yeah I went up with him. We made out for a while and he told me to get naked. I said no, you know, which is sort of par for the course on a Tuesday. I went home and we met up the next day to drink champagne and watch “Workaholics.” It was great and much needed. After he left, I walked into my roommate’s room with a smug grin on my face and tossed her the “Sexless Roommate Award” that had been in my possession for the past couple of months.
What’s the point of this story you ask? Yes, it’s a bit about me being able to brag, but more importantly, Cuffing Season is close. It’s time to make the decision. Are you ready to get cuffed? Or are you going to join me for Roster Season? It’s time to take back winter. Fuck staying in and cuddling in front of a TV. It’s time to build up my roster and not get serious with anyone. Watch out San Francisco, I’m coming for you..