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It’s a beautiful thing to watch someone close to you walk down the aisle. Even more moving is when you’re standing up there with them, holding an oversized bouquet, fighting off heat exhaustion as you sweat in a polyester blend maxi dress.
There are lots of requirements for playing a role in a wedding party. For about a year leading up to the big day, you’re drafted onto a team designated to plan a shower, a bachelorette party, coordinate night-before plans, and follow along with the group chat. Once you roll into the maid of honor position, the responsibilities are even more daunting.
I am all too familiar with the process. I have been in nine weddings over the course of my short life. This past month, my dear friend and roommate has asked me to join her bridal party, bringing my number into the double digits. I am overjoyed to be a part of her special occasion, but after the wedding this upcoming May, I am officially announcing my retirement from major league bridesmaiding.
The number one downfall of being a bridesmaid is the money. The costs slowly start to add up as you get closer to game time. Typically, brides seem aware of this and try to accommodate. Unfortunately, there are always the wildcard women who are completely oblivious to their friends that don’t want to take out a personal loan to be a participant in the wedding party. Last summer, I was a bridesmaid in three weddings, and one bride fell into the latter description. Required were a $500 dress, paired with $200 shoes, and she let every bridesmaid know hair and makeup services were not optional (but also not going to be paid by her.) As if all the day of purchases weren’t enough, her bridal shower and bachelorette party were over the top extravagant, and the price tag reflected it. There’s an age-old question of if you need to buy a gift for the new couple if you’re in the wedding party. In this case, there was no way in hell I was spending any amount of extra money on a gift.
Bad experiences like this are more of an anomaly, but I would argue every wedding has at least some drama that leaves you wishing you were just a guest. Girls can be tricky, and it doesn’t take much for two bridesmaids to be at each other’s throats, or bad blood to arise after someone decides to be late to the bridal brunch. As a veteran maid, I’ve learned that keeping your head down and not being the one to make waves always works out in your favor. If you can go 9 months to a year without being a bitch (or calling one out) you will save your friendship with the bride and anyone else in the wedding.
Not quite as big an issue as the expense or the drama, but still important, is the responsibility on the wedding day. If you bring a plus one to the wedding and he/she doesn’t know anyone, you’re essentially setting them up to wander around like a loser during cocktail hour or anytime that you’re busy having pictures taken. You’re forced to be conscientious of how much you drink, and you typically end up having to hang around at the end of the evening to help get things cleaned up or squared away with the venue. While the groomsmen day drink and let loose, you are the helping hands for any problems that could arise. It’s a small annoyance, but a contributor to the overall pain of being a bridesmaid.
The biggest problem for me is the sheer number of weddings I’ve been a part of. I’m jaded to the process now. I can look back fondly on the days when I had only been involved in 2-3 parties and the stars hadn’t yet cleared from my eyes. I’m no less happy for people, but my feet drag a little more with each “I Do Crew” tee shirt I have to Venmo someone for ordering.
I still have a few friends who have yet to reach engagement. With it looming in the near future, I am praying that they overlook me as an option. I’ve told people time and time again I’m hanging up the towel, but I’m not sure if it stuck. If they do ask, there’s really no way I can say no without looking heartless. So, I realistically have another few years of David’s Bridal orders before I’m finally done. However, once everyone’s settled down, I will 100% refuse to play any part in a vow renewal ceremony. That where I draw the line, I respect myself too much to be dragged down that path. .
Respond
Kell
future soccer mom of America (AKA I drive a Volvo.) Miracle is my favorite movie and it should be yours too.
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Humblebrag about having more than 4 friends.
I’m down to one. The one that is in my hometown 5 hours away, so I can’t catch up with them that often.
It’s insane how much more expensive it is to be a bridesmaids than a groomsman. Also I’m never conscientious of how much I drink as a groomsmen…All you really have to do is take pictures and stand on the altar. Either way, it’s a wedding so I’m getting hammered.
The amount of money I have to spend to be a bridesmaid keeps me up at night. I wanted to go to Italy next year, but instead I’m expected to shell out my savings to fund a stupid bridal shower that everyone hates going to anyway. It’s absolutely ridiculous
Saame. I recently was a bridesmaid and it after all was said and done, it was close to $1200. The bridesmaid dress alone cost $300, and it was backyard wedding -_-
There is nothing wrong with backyard weddings, but this was very clearly ‘low budget’ yet the bride expected us to shell out so much for dresses, hair, hotel, etc. We were also tasked with having to set up the day before and clean up the day after. If you are expecting your bridal party to shell out that much cash, at least deliver. This may come off as snooty and lazy, but I am salty about it haha.
She crowdfunded her wedding. Did you get a nice koozie as a thank you gift? Or maybe some sunglasses with the date on the frame?
women are really mean to each other.
Retiring from being a bridesmaid after ten(!) weddings is like me “retiring” from a pizza after I ate the whole thing.
The feeling of not being selected to be groomsman/bridesmaid kind of sucks at first, but then you smile at the end when your bank account is $1,000 larger than it could have been…
“There’s an age-old question of if you need to buy a gift for the new couple if you’re in the wedding party.” – There is? Is this like a tax deduction I’ve been forgetting to claim?
“In this case, there was no way in hell I was spending any amount of extra money on a gift.” – Imagine dropping a thousand bucks and having your friend still think you’re a cheapskate.
I’m just getting started with my bridesmaid duties and it is appalling how expensive it is, even with a low key bride. I’m already out $1000 and all I’ve paid for so far is the dress and lodging for the bach party and the wedding itself.
Damn I haven’t even been to a wedding in like 5 years. Not sure if that says more about me or my friends…..
I was like this after my 9th time being a bridesmaid but its been about a year since I’ve been in a wedding and I’m finally starting to feel excited about being a bridesmaid again when my last few friends get married.