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I work in a fairly uptight office. There are many downsides to its stuffiness – the dress code, the hierarchy, the inability to blast 2000s rap on my computer when my boss is in – but there is one upside: the official office candy dish is positively pathetic, which is a plus if you’re dieting.
Kept at the receptionist’s desk (since it’s “technically” for visitors), the office candy dish at my place of employment is filled with all the wrapped candy you’d expect to find in your grandma’s purse: Starlight mints, Life Savers, those weird flavored Tootsie Rolls. In short, nothing too tempting, and even if I have a wild craving for a peppermint, the ten calories isn’t going to put a dent in my tally for the day.
So all was well in office candyland…until she started. That bitch we’ll call Deb. Actually, Deb is seriously a perfectly lovely person who I like a lot, but she did a horrible thing: she decided to keep a candy dish for everyone at her desk. The desk I walk by at least ten times a day on my way to the printer/copier. It’s filled with snack-sized versions of all the good stuff: Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups, Twix, Kit-Kats. Suddenly, I had a four-pieces-of candy-a day-habit that I just couldn’t break. I was a sugar junkie and Deb was my supplier. Sure, I tracked the calories…kind of. I mean, who can actually remember if they had three snack-sized Snickers or six? Not me.
Given that my boss said Deb is a “good worker” and “a valuable member of the team” when I tried to get her fired so her candy dish would go away, I had to develop other strategies to cope with the temptation. If you have a Deb in your office, here are some tips:
Water It Down. This is actually a good strategy to employ when you are having a craving for anything not-diet-friendly. Whenever I feel the need to stroll by Deb’s desk to pluck a Hershey’s Kiss, I force myself to chug whatever flavored water in my tumbler first. Not only does the chug of water fill me up and diminish the craving, it also helps me reach my 64-ounces of water a day goal, which I admittedly struggle with. Plus, the walk to the bathroom is in the opposite direction of the candy dish.
Take The Long Way. This is so stupidly annoying, but whenever I need to go somewhere that would normally lead me past (candy) temptation, I just take the long route. Does that take time away from my day that I could have spent being productive? Sure. Do I give a shit as long as the scale goes down? Nope. And I’m getting in extra steps so I get that satisfying buzz from my FitBit telling me I reached my step goal for the day.
Give Yourself An Allowance. In order to ween myself from my candy addiction, I decided that I was “allowed” to have two pieces a day: one in the morning and one in the afternoon. Would it be better to not eat it at all? Sure. But let’s be honest, a life not eating candy is not the kind of life I want to live, and as long as I’m tracking it (Pro-Tip: I use MyFitnessPal), two Hershey’s Kisses a day aren’t going to derail this diet train.
Donate Candy You Hate. This is where shit gets devious. Deb thinks I’m being all nice, buying candy for her dish since she uses her own money to replenish the goodies. But in reality, I’m filling it with things I don’t like so I don’t eat them – so bring on the Milk Duds, Charleston Chews, and the White Chocolate Kit Kats.
And if all else fails…start sabotaging Deb. Sure, it’s a shitty thing to get someone fired, but it’s better than sabotaging your diet.
Starting weight to Lose: 30 pounds
Week 1 Results: – 1.1 pounds
Week 2 Results: – 2.1 pounds
Remaining weight to lose: 26.8 pounds
Also, if you want to follow along with me, friend me on MyFitnessPal or FitBit!..
Image via Shutterstock
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Jenna Crowley
Jenna used to be known as 2NOTBrokeGirls, but then one of the girls actually went broke, so she's struck out on her own. Jenna spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to get a doctorate, documenting her love of all things cheese related, and hosting the new PGP podcast Don't Take It From Us. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @JennaLCrowley on Twitter or via email at JennaLCrowley@gmail.com.
@JennaLCrowley
@donttakeitfromus
@Rosie
@Donald You’ve also been looking quite tubby lately
I find this offensive. But I guess everyone else is ok with the reference on an article about a woman losing weight.
Just chill out, man
Let’s just cherrypick what offensive comments we’re cool with. “Sup?” Nope, makes female users uncomfortable. A parody account making fun of women’s weight? Hey Centrum, chill out.
Unbelievable.
Where’s the consistency? Where’s the public outcry for comments like this?
If you’re all going to play Social Justice Warriors and White Knights, while patting yourselves on the back and circling jerking each other for putting an end to “sup” or supporting IWD, but NONE of you (Looking at you Quinn who is the top comment beneath this one and started this with your “bravery” on IWD but hasn’t said anything about Donald here) going to call out comments like this, well then it shows just how FULL OF SHIT you all really are.
Hey Donald, you might as well start making “grab them by the pussy” comments because no one here is going to stand up to you, they don’t have the backbone to commit fully to their cause. But they’ll sure as hell take a day off from work for a march and scold you for “sup.”
I’ve said my piece, I’m done.
Take it up with management.
Take a few plays off, my man.
The Donald account is obviously a parody and meant to be funny. If and when he says anything actually offensive and not within the character he’s portraying he’ll get just as many downvotes as you are.
How is what he says different from the jokes of other users? Where do you draw the line?
All of you offended female users, you marchers who took the day off, you slacktivists, and you pious management, where are you now?
Hypocritical cowards.
I totally get where you are coming from, but at the end of the day it is a fucking website. Gotta let this one go.
Damn, dude. Calm. Down.
*slowly spits out mouthful of almond m&ms that I stole from coworker’s candy jar*
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LOOK YOU GUYS I POSTED A GIF CORRECTLY! 😀 😀 😀
Proud of you~
We never doubted you, Quinn.
The Feel when you just submitted a column today about being the owner of the office candy dish 🙁
Count your blessings that you only have a candy jar to worry about. We have bastards always leaving doughnuts and pizza in our break room.
Same. We always have cakes, cookies, bagels…basically anything delicious and diet sabotaging.
Jenna-taking the long way is definitely worth it!
I’ve eaten 67 ounces of jelly beans since Monday night and I wish that was even a slight exaggeration
Goal: 20
Week 1: -3.5 (from 20)
Week 2: +2 (from the starting 20)
Had flu all week, so haven’t been to the gym since Saturday morning. I’ll be back there with you next week, though!
Gotten inspired by all of y’all…I’m joining in on the fun. My goal is a little bigger (I’ve put on 70 lbs since my freshman year of college, I want to lose at least 50 lbs) but fuck it, it’s time to make moves.
Got a Gold’s membership last week, lost two pounds already…going to ask out the cute af front desk girl at Gold’s when I hit my goal weight.
I’m not a candy guy but all the candies you hate are my favorites. Just stuff ’em all into a flat rate shipping box and send those sweet little bastards my way.
The easiest thing is to do is just eschew sweets entirely, after a week you won’t miss it. Save those calories for booze son
You clearly didn’t read last week’s installment.
Question that’s been nagging me: You said you don’t normally drink casually but that you have several huge nights a year. How does eliminating say, at most 6 nights a year, help your calorie count in the long run?
I can totally relate to this article, except instead of the candy dish, its the Girlscout cookies some coworker guilted everyone into buying.
I do the “send to the troops” option on those – out of sight, out of mind.
As a Marine Officer serving overseas please don’t send us candy. The Marines have too much of it and it makes them fat and then I have to do a shit ton of paperwork.
Thank you for your service!
An officer whining about how much paperwork he does, what else is new? :p
My coworkers missed that memo. So many of them bought cookies and just keep them in a bowl on their desk. One person in particular sits right between me and the shortest way to the bathroom and printer. I am thinking about doing the Jenna method; chug my cup of water before I eat the cookie
I always try to do my part for the people of my office. I eat all the candies and snacks left in the break room to remove that temptation.