======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
There’s truly something special about playing a small role in what will hopefully be one of the best days of a couple’s lives. Every May marks a major turning point in the year, and you can practically feel a buzz in the air. Nuptials are coming. It’s Wedding SZN.
Truthfully, I can enjoy any type of wedding. A massive church ceremony with 300+ guests? Sounds like a great opportunity to try and pull off a fancy hat and rub some elbows. Intimate garden affair coupled with a vegan menu? Bring out the drum circle, ‘cause it’s time to get in touch with my Bohemian side. I don’t care whose wedding it is, I can find the joy. It doesn’t matter if I’m the plus one, I’m bringing one, or if I’m going stag: when “Shout” comes on, you know you can find me on the dance floor. Now that I’ve finally hit these mid-twenties in stride, opportunities to catch the bouquet are in no short supply. These wedding invites are piling up.
One of the best parts of being a wedding guest is the foreplay. The build-up. I’m talking about the six-month countdown that begins the day you receive that calligraphy-emblazoned invite in your mailbox. I throw those babies on the fridge and immediately start planning my outfit and vacation days. These steps are soon followed by the creation of group texts composed of college friends all attempting to lock down rooms at the same Holiday Inn Express. Weddings might as well be postgrad Christmas.
Having attended undergrad out of state, the majority of my friends live elsewhere. Logically, it follows that most of these weddings to which I’m being invited are out of town. Indeed, this is an obstacle, but not a deal-breaker. I suffer from a very serious ailment commonly referred to, as “FOMO,” or “fear of missing out.” If something fun is going down, I want to be there. Need to be there. Have to be there. With friends on each coast and scattered everywhere in-between, these shindigs can pop up just about anywhere.
Despite these weddings being located across the planet, you can almost guarantee that I send back that RSVP with (1) guest marked as attending and a song request for “Africa” by Toto. Minute details such as realistic travel-options and available budget are to be considered at a later date.
One might think that attending the wedding would be the easiest part, but I’m here to tell you that this is simply untrue. As I noted in the aforementioned paragraphs, many weddings require guests to drive or fly across the country. Whether you’re hitting the trail with an 8-hour playlist and a few Red Bulls, or riding that aluminum tube across the sky, the journey rarely comes cheap. Throw in 2 nights at a hotel in some random town in Indiana, and you’ve got a weekend trip worth a month’s rent on your hands. The costs stay stacking up.
Set aside the unavoidable costs of travel, hotel, and wedding gifts: what are you going to wear? Maybe I’m vain, but being that these events are essentially class-reunions, you gotta look damn good. No one wants to show up at a buddy’s wedding and be the person who hasn’t “glo’d up” since graduation. This is your time to shine, baby.
That means you’ll probably drop some dough on a new outfit. A fresh haircut. Some shoes, perhaps. I abide by the age-old phrase, “Look good, play good.” Will there be sand at this beach? By that, I mean, will there be a decent selection of other young, attractive, single people to dance and fall in love with for one night? You want the wedding photographer to have all the opportunities in the world to capture a perfect candid of you in your element. You can’t be having chipped nail polish or rocking old threads you’ve already been Instagrammed in. A fresh mani/pedi and a new dress have to come through.
They say that money is better spent on experiences rather than material belongings. You can always go back and buy those Yeezy’s on eBay for $300 over the retail price, but your fraternity brother’s wedding only happens once. (Maybe. Hopefully.) Imagine the possibilities. Think of the hors d’ouevres. The crab cakes!
Take this opportunity to celebrate and make it happen. Grab that net and catch that beautiful butterfly, pal! What do you like better, Christmas or wedding season? I think we all know the answer to that one. Just throw it on the AmEx and ride the wave – see you at the reception. .
Respond
@taylordoestweet
@itsthestovallshow
sexychocolate
I have heard, don’t know if it’s true or not, but one way to stop the spending (and the complaining) is to just not go. Again, I’ve just heard about this thing called “no” but maybe it’s worth a shot
And miss out on the crab cakes? No can do, soldier.
If you drink and eat enough, you recoup the money spent on the gift
If people would just stop selfishly getting together for financial gain and causing everyone else to spend money to see it happen, we could allocate all that saved money and solve the student debt crisis from a grassroots level lol
I’d settle for burning it for heat.
Or, you know, people could take out only the loans they need. I saw way too many friends driving nice cars and going on expensive vacations courtesy of their student loans.
Yeah, in this New World Order, we just kill those people
Yeah but think of all the fire pics you’ll be able to post on IG.
Money comes and goes but likes are forever.
My lady and I are getting married in Whistler in August. Every day that Trump goes hard on tariffs I get a little more excited as it puts upward pressure on the dollar – USD/CAD is sitting at 1.33. It’s a nice discount for us and our guests to get wild in Canada.
Can confirm. Was in whistler this last weekend, Canadian dollars are barely real
Apparently invites got fucked up in the mail (I feel really bad because the bride is stressing over this) and I just found out I have a wedding out of town in 3 weeks SOS
On a related note, if anyone wants to +1 in Ohio lmk
+1 in Ohio here.
Ohio? Sup
Living that Cleveland life
Cle all day
Gay dude from Cincinnati checking in – best +1/wingman around
Yeah, but you can’t swim…
It’s a username I’ve kept around since college when I was super pissy after a race
Taylor, am I seeing things or is this your third article this week? What have us PGPers done to be worthy of such content?
Africa is a GOAT song, for weddings and life in general.
My S. O. asked me if I wanted it to be our first dance song because I loved it so much. I said hell yes.
I have 5 weddings to go to this season. All solo. This month has been a “treat yourself” to hot dresses and shoes.
I am here for this.
If I get in invited somewhere I’m going. Once missed a free trip to the Derby because I didn’t realize they were serious. Always go.
Gotta wedding this weekend and this HYPED me up
As long as the wedding isn’t in Oktober, we’re good.