I’m A Bad Influence On Older People

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I’m a people person and always have been. From a young age, I always liked to see people happy. Growing up, when my family would have parties, I would often be the beer monkey. It was a mutually benficial relationship; I learned some party tactics and got beer sips, and the uncles and grandfathers got to keep drinking beer. I guess it has carried over to today as I’m always offering people beer whenever they visit, at tailgates or parties.

Fast forward to the present and I seem to have a penchant for getting older people shitfaced. I’m not sure what it is about me, but I always get the blood pumping in people significantly older than me and it’s been like this for as long as I can remember. Maybe I release the inner beasts that lay dormant within people, I make them comfortable or maybe I have a likable demeanor. I still haven’t been able to figure this out, but since it is one of the few qualities about myself that I like, I generally roll with it.

A few summers ago, my good friend and his now-wife were getting married on in an exclusive, destination wedding. No one packed any food or booze, but being the a planner, I did have sandwich supplies and alcohol. I had never met the bride or her family, but we were staying with some of them. That night, I met her dad (really cool guy) but he was obviously sweating bullets. To help, I brought a handle of coconut rum to capture the island essence, which I offered the father of the bride. Ever grateful, he took me up on it.

Little did I know, he would go on to drink over half of it in one night, have a great time playing games with the family and it helped let him loosen up about the next day’s events. We talked a bunch and had a wonderful night, listening to the waves and partying. The following day after they were all married, he pulled me aside and thanked me for helping him get through his first daughter’s wedding. “What a nice gesture,” I thought. At the reception, when he gave his speech he thanked me for being hospitable and giving him the courage to come up and speak (we had also been slamming shots before this). I had known him less than 48 hours and got a shout out during the Father of the Bride speech.

To be honest, it is quite rewarding knowing that older people feel comfortable enough with me to let their hair down and live a little. It’s been a running joke with my grandma and I that she has to do shots with me whenever I come home to visit or I won’t go see her. While she’s done shots with me a few times, at Christmas this year, I kept her wine glass full (at her insistence) and as a result, my five-foot-nothing, raised by nuns, 81-year-old Irish Catholic grandmother got a little saucy. She led toasts with, “Here’s to whatever,” chugged my beer from my hand and did shots of Crown Royal.

Doing shots of Crown with my 82 year old grandmother. She toasts, "here's to whatever"

— MadoffInvestment (@BLMInvestment) December 25, 2016

Going through my Facebook, there’s often pictures of me with my elderly relatives and friends, drink in hand and down to party. Really, no one is too old to party. While I used to do it because I thought it was super entertaining, I now feel like it is my duty to remove the tethers of society and bring a little fun to those that haven’t had any in a while. Like never losing your dinosaur, never losing your party is a fundamental part of fending off becoming a crotchety old person. Besides, age is just a conception, and you’re only too old to rage if you feel too old to rage..

Image via Shutterstock

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Madoff

I specialize in damage control, being the drunkest at any and all functions and social assassination. Always appreciate a strong gif game. Follow me on Twitter. Sometimes I put up cool stuff about golfing at the local dirt tracks.

• @BLMInvestment