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Quick story to lead off things off. I have been approached by many people to buy Girl Scout Cookies (not a big deal that I have friends who have kids). It’s a joyous time of year. #1: I’m all about raising money for the kids. #2: I am all about resolutioners derailing their diets by ordering $40 worth of sugar from their coworker’s kids. #3: I’m the Cookie Man.
The Cookie Man loves cookies, there’s no doubt about it. I normally don’t purchase my food from children, so this is a once a year occasion. I’ll flex on some cookies. Set a good example for today’s youth. So color me shocked when I was unfairly called out for ordering two boxes of delicious Samoas/Caramel deLites.
The original title of this column was going to be “Am I a Trash Person for Liking Samoas?” I’m a grown ass man and don’t need the internet to validate my every life choice. SO…I feel it necessary to vehemently defend myself against what I believe to be a perfectly fine food preference.
Are Samoas my favorite GSC? Maybe. Depends on my mood. Peanut Butter Patties are reserved for times of self-loathing. Bad week at work? That’s cool. I’m just gonna plow through an entire box in less than 24 hours and there’s nothing you can do about it. Feeling like a light dessert after a great meal? That’ll be a nice little handful of Thin Mints thank you very much.
Samoas? I don’t care what you have to say about the merits or lack of merits of dehydrated coconut topping. I think these cookies are great. Are they the best Girl Scout Cookie? No. Not by a long shot. Are they a trash food like I’ve been recently hearing on the web? I am appalled at that prevailing opinion.
You know what are trash foods? Sno Balls. Mounds. Almond Joy. Random boxed chocolates that look like it might be a tasty truffle nougat, but it’s actually straight coconut filling. The white devil. Those are trash foods. Foods that heavily feature coconut as its main ingredient. Not as a delicious, tasteful note of flavor to chase chocolate and caramel.
It’s a delicious, crunchy, sweet, savory, tropical, delectable combination of cookie, chocolate, caramel and a skosh of coconut flavor to set off the delicious flavor of a Samoa Girl Scout Cookie.
Come at me if you want. This is a good cookie. I’m the Cookie Man and you’re all wrong. You just are. The Cookie Man will not have his good name dragged through the mud for liking this cookie. Is it my favorite cookie? No. Do I prefer it to other cookies? Again, no. It’s just a solid, B+ cookie that gets the job done.
My cookie takes are impregnable. I even like oatmeal raisin cookies, not just because of taste, but because of their versatility. It’s the only cookie that can be acceptable for breakfast. That’s an argument for another day.
However, I will continue to fight the good fight for Samoas. A tasty treat that is not trash. .