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Quick story to lead off things off. I have been approached by many people to buy Girl Scout Cookies (not a big deal that I have friends who have kids). It’s a joyous time of year. #1: I’m all about raising money for the kids. #2: I am all about resolutioners derailing their diets by ordering $40 worth of sugar from their coworker’s kids. #3: I’m the Cookie Man.
The Cookie Man loves cookies, there’s no doubt about it. I normally don’t purchase my food from children, so this is a once a year occasion. I’ll flex on some cookies. Set a good example for today’s youth. So color me shocked when I was unfairly called out for ordering two boxes of delicious Samoas/Caramel deLites.
The original title of this column was going to be “Am I a Trash Person for Liking Samoas?” I’m a grown ass man and don’t need the internet to validate my every life choice. SO…I feel it necessary to vehemently defend myself against what I believe to be a perfectly fine food preference.
Are Samoas my favorite GSC? Maybe. Depends on my mood. Peanut Butter Patties are reserved for times of self-loathing. Bad week at work? That’s cool. I’m just gonna plow through an entire box in less than 24 hours and there’s nothing you can do about it. Feeling like a light dessert after a great meal? That’ll be a nice little handful of Thin Mints thank you very much.
Samoas? I don’t care what you have to say about the merits or lack of merits of dehydrated coconut topping. I think these cookies are great. Are they the best Girl Scout Cookie? No. Not by a long shot. Are they a trash food like I’ve been recently hearing on the web? I am appalled at that prevailing opinion.
You know what are trash foods? Sno Balls. Mounds. Almond Joy. Random boxed chocolates that look like it might be a tasty truffle nougat, but it’s actually straight coconut filling. The white devil. Those are trash foods. Foods that heavily feature coconut as its main ingredient. Not as a delicious, tasteful note of flavor to chase chocolate and caramel.
It’s a delicious, crunchy, sweet, savory, tropical, delectable combination of cookie, chocolate, caramel and a skosh of coconut flavor to set off the delicious flavor of a Samoa Girl Scout Cookie.
Come at me if you want. This is a good cookie. I’m the Cookie Man and you’re all wrong. You just are. The Cookie Man will not have his good name dragged through the mud for liking this cookie. Is it my favorite cookie? No. Do I prefer it to other cookies? Again, no. It’s just a solid, B+ cookie that gets the job done.
My cookie takes are impregnable. I even like oatmeal raisin cookies, not just because of taste, but because of their versatility. It’s the only cookie that can be acceptable for breakfast. That’s an argument for another day.
However, I will continue to fight the good fight for Samoas. A tasty treat that is not trash. .
Respond
Brian McGannon
What do I love? I love happy hour, a good golf tan, and getting moderately drunk during dinner.
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THANK YOU. All Girl Scout cookies are great, specially when on the devil’s grass. But Samoas are a way of life.
We call it jazz cabbage now
Thin Mints as a light dessert after a meal? Thin Mints are the meal if you’re doing it right
Yeah, he lost me at “handful of thin mints.” The way I look at it, the sooner I eat them all, the sooner I can go back to eating semi-healthy.
Nothing better than sitting down with a sleeve of frozen thin mints and banging out the whole thing in under five minutes.
I eat 4-5 at a time and take multiple trips to the freezer so the rest of them stay cold.
Part of my childhood went away when they changed the name from Tagalongs to Peanut Butter Patties. Piss-poor move on the Girl Scout’s PR team
Tagalongs are my favorite too. You want something to really blow your mind? Follow me down this rabbit hole: Tagalongs still exist, but you can’t get them depending on where you live. Here is the excerpt from the Girl Scout’s website, “Girl Scout cookies are produced by two bakers. That’s why some of our cookies have two different names! But whether the box says Peanut Butter Patties® or Tagalongs®, these two cookies are similarly delicious.”
What’s even weirder though is that Tagalongs list “contains: wheat | milk | soy | peanuts” as contents, whereas PBPs list “contains: wheat | soy | peanuts”
Clear proof that Tagalongs are superior and Peanut Butter Patties are a ploy by BIG GIRL SCOUT to force you to consume an inferior product based on which bakery serves your area.
Is your tinfoil hat made of stitched together sleeves of thin mints?
Is yours not?
Along with that, in certain parts of the country Samoas are called Caramel Delites
Dear Cookie Man,
Please write a column ranking your top five or ten cookies/cookie brands. I’ve been in search of a new sweet in which to partake post-dinner, and I would very much appreciate your insight regarding this matter.
Regards,
An Interested Party
Quick power ranking:
1. Mrs. Fields original chocolate chip after a long day of trying on 993s at my local shopping mall in 2003
2. Grandma’s Peanut Butter from a vending machine
3. Chips Ahoy Chewies
Matt’s Cookies (Chicago thing?) are the GOAT for grocery store bought cookies.
I consider myself a cookie aficionado. Usually the store brand break aparts produce the best cookies (for a 20-something male who doesn’t know how to bake real cookies.) The key is taking them out of the oven when they’re still pretty light in color and still doughy, as they will cook more on the sheet. Usually about 2 minutes before the package says to take them out. Toll house are decent but Kroger brand break aparts take the cake for me. Also the Betty Crocker “just add an egg and butter” are legit too. A little more cakey than break aparts but still decedent.
Decadent, not decedent
Chips Ahoy S’More cookies in the microwave for 5-7 seconds. Thank me later
Thin Mints kept in the freezer is an absolute game-changer
This is a fantastic take. I’m not crazy about thin mints but when you chill those bad boys they improve dramatically
Samoas all day. Thin mints are good but they are wildly overrated. Don’t tell me a toasted York patty is the best cookie.
Agree 100%. You can buy thin mint dupes from other brands year round, hence why Samoas are more special.
You can buy dupes of thin mints because the original is so good, people want it year round. People are fine with the others being seasonal.
Samoas are hands down the best Girl Scout cookie. No doubt about it. The rest are trash/overrated
I would’ve cancelled my cookie order from them, went to another Girl Scout and ordered double the amount of samosas I’d originally intended.
Give me Samoas or give me death.
Thin mints. FTW.