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One of my favorite movies is ‘Love Actually’ and one of my favorite quotes from that movie is when Sam says, “Let’s do it. Let’s go get the shit kicked out of us by love.” I watch it quite frequently, not just every Christmas, and every time I hear that line, I smile. Maybe I smile because it’s a ten-year-old kid saying it because he’s a naive little ginger, or maybe I smile every time because I know how true that line is. Throughout my own life, I’ve had my fair share of heartbreaks, but I’ve managed to piece that bruised little sucker back together after a lot of time… and money for my therapist.
I’ve gone over questions to ask on a first date. And while these questions were incredibly sarcastic and sardonic in nature, perhaps there was one that I should have kept on the list which I took off – “Do I remind you of anyone else from your life?” followed up with the very crucial question, “And are you still in love with that someone?” If you can’t see where this is going, well, call your ophthalmologist and get your damn eyes checked. For the first time in a very long time, I felt like I had made a pretty good connection with a pretty good guy; someone who was genuinely a kind person at heart. And hot damn, was I smitten. So, as if on cue, a classic little pull back at the began at the start of this past weekend.
Sunday afternoon, after feeling slightly put off for a few days, I (finally) received a text, and as soon as I saw it, I knew. I mean, I think everyone knows that when a four paragrapher comes our way, it usually isn’t a grand gesture… And this was no different. Yep, I got “dumped.” To summarize the main points:
“You’ve probably noticed that I’ve been a little distant lately…”
“I think you are absolutely amazing… you’re awesome and I’ve been having so much with you fun… you are one heck of a kick-ass girl…”
“Something about you reminds me of my ex…”
“You’re an amazing woman… whoever lands you is one lucky guy… I wish you the best down the road.”
Now, what I had going on was pretty fresh and new – it really ended before it began, but I mean, ouch – that text was still a one-two combination to my metaphorical dick. First of all, no shit that I noticed he’d been distant: I’m a woman with a pulse, so to think I couldn’t tell something wasn’t up right away was downright demeaning. And seriously… I was compared to his ex after a laundry list of nothing but positive characteristics. Huh. What a mindfuck. Tell me I’m rude, or mean, or a complete pushover or piece of shit. Call me a dumpy little troll and tell me to go back under the bridge I came from. Those would all be fine, but no, instead I was given phrases like “fun, awesome, and kick ass.” I can’t lie, it was a bit of a long week, spent being butthurt and nursing my bruised ego. The more that I stared at and re-read that message, the more upset, confused, and hurt I felt. Overall, I think the main thing is that I felt pretty fucking dumb.
Well, wouldn’t you know that all of those emotions can really lead to some true inner reflection, which is exactly what I’ve spent the past few days doing. As much as the rejection hurt, it led me to think long and hard. The truth is that I took myself out of the dating game a few years ago for some personal reasons. Shit, in actuality, not only did I take myself out of the game, but I exited the ballpark, left the city, crossed state lines and never looked back for a very long time. This was the first time that I had very seriously put myself out there, and when I stepped up to the plate, I thought that somehow, in my first at-bat, I hit a home run. What a silly little turd I am! But am I? There were no signs to tell me otherwise: plans were being made and mentioned for the future, so how was I to know any differently? Call me crazy, but dates that last for hours talking about the past, present, and future can usually lead to some sort of something, like say, feelings, developing. I am somewhat of a hopeless romantic, I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve, and I’m an eternal optimist, which is something that I learned that can be a deadly combination and can lead to some severe consequences in today’s dating world.
There are a million things that are still running around in my head that I want to and wish that I could say to this guy. Some things I want to say are downright mean, and some are a bit more forgiving. But the number one thing that has come to mind after this whole week is, “Thank you.” Thank you for showing me that not all people suck. Thank you for your honesty, and thanks for ending it before anything went on for too long and got too deep, before weeks or months or maybe even years went by of being consistently compared to the ghost of someone that was long gone. Thank you for helping me to understand that it’s okay to have high hopes, just have those along with low expectations.
I might be down right now, but I’m not out. Because yeah, I’m just going to say it: I am kind of amazing, pretty awesome, very fun, and (if we did still live in the nineties) I would be considered a “kick-ass girl.” Whomever I do end up becoming a partner with is indeed, a lucky guy, as I’m sure I will be a lucky lady. I am literally just getting back into this game. Will there be a few more swing-and-a-miss? Of course. Maybe. Yes. Who knows. And who really does know? It might take some more time and more let downs, but if a ten-year ginger kid is ready to get the shit kicked out of him by love, I know that I can be too. .