Gwyneth Paltrow Doesn’t Know How To Be Poor

Gwyneth Paltrow Doesn't Know How To Be Poor

Looks like everyone’s favorite celebrity to have mixed feelings about is up to being fucking weird again, which shouldn’t come as a surprise at this point. Gwyneth Paltrow decided that it would be a good idea to take on the challenge of feeding her family on a food stamps budget of $29 for an entire week. I know I’m not alone when I say that college (and the years following) set me up to see that number as something that’s totally fucking doable. Sure, there won’t be any fancy ass steaks or anything like that, but I can make sure that I don’t literally starve on $29 for the week.

Any person who’s experienced in food shopping on a SERIOUS budget would likely think of picking up things like ramen, canned shit, and essential foods for survival, like maybe bread. Sure none of that is fresh, and all the sodium in the ramen might dry you up like a raisin, but you won’t die [immediately]. This apparently wasn’t the same thought process that good ol’ Gwyneth had. She uploaded a picture of what $29 bought her, and I was really puzzled.

With $29 for an entire week, did avocado and fresh cilantro seem like things that you seriously couldn’t live without? You really needed the kale? SEVEN FUCKING LIMES?! I literally have a kitchen full of food right now, and the only thing I can think of needing seven limes for would be the huge party I’m having later, where tons of tequila shots will be taken. Also, by huge party, I mean just me, watching Game of Thrones alone. Real adults drink that much tequila on Sunday nights, in case you weren’t aware.

I guess I have to give Gwyneth a few points, since her intentions might have been good when she started the challenge. By having to live on the bare minimum, like millions of other Americans, it would open her eyes to how difficult things can really be for families to do things as simple as eat. She obviously didn’t quiiiiiiite get it though. If the goal is literally just to survive on a small amount of money, you need to buy a bunch of shit that’s on sale, and will make you feel full – not some fucking brown rice, kale and roasted sweet potato sauté with poached eggs. WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK IS THAT?!

Her good intentions were lost with how out of touch she is with how real people live. To top it all off, she ended her blog post about her low budget experience with this little gem: “I know hunger doesn’t always touch us all directly—but it does touch us all indirectly. After this week, I am even more grateful that I am able to provide high-quality food for my kids.”

Nothing like a healthy reminder that she really is better than the rest of us and is far above the experience that she signed up for and failed miserably at.

But I guess we can’t be too shocked that she spent her $29 on organic produce, since she does have a fucking child named Apple.

Kudos, Gwen!

Image via Helga Esteb /

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It's a weird life, but it's where I'm at right now.

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