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New office, new level of transparency.
Introducing the weekly Grandex Office Ping Pong Power Rankings, wherein every week we’ll be releasing updated standings of everyone here at Grandex who plays enough ping pong to qualify for the power ranking system.
It’s worth noting that we are still exploring all power ranking options and may change algorithms as we try to figure out what’s the most fair way of doing this. Always trying to get better over here.
Speaking of always trying to get better, you said you wanted new office content — and we listened. That’s why there is now a 24/7 live stream of the office ping pong table that you can check out at any time.
I recommend stopping by at night when nobody’s here, for that’s when the stakes are at their highest and the bar for entertainment is at its lowest.
The content surrounding each release of the Grandex Office Ping Pong Power Rankings will change every time; one week there may be an in-depth look at a certain breakthrough player’s backstory, another there may be a play-by-play of a particularly contentious final point. As the currently-unranked-on-account-of-his-vacation David C. Ruff would say, nothing is off limits.
Without further ado, here are the week 1 rankings.
Next week’s rankings will be pretty different than this week’s (Will has already lost to Dan, for example #OnBlast), which will pretty much always be the case. The only thing more good-volatile than our content here at Grandex is our comparative ping pong abilities. That’s what people say about us.
For week 1’s accompanying content, I will set the tone with way-too-short analyses of everyone’s game:
1. Will – When he’s hot, he’s hot; when he’s not, HE WAS STAYING IN PARIS
2. Jared – Too humble to say he’ll be #1 next week
3. Barrett – Fast-paced, high-action player
4. Dan – Looks like Donkey Kong when he executes slams
5. Prim – His superb baseball skills translate to the table
6. Connor – King Of The Pushers
7. Jake – Spin Lord
8. Carter – Underseeded
9. Ad – Wild card
10. Phil – Impeccable form
11. Joe – He has caught a dub or two since last week’s poor showing; don’t count him out just yet
?. Dillon – It hard to say
?. Micah – Just beat Dillon, so slightly less hard to say but it still hard to say
?. Dave – Junior Senator of The Ping Pong Table who’s ready to see where he stands
See you next week..
Respond
Jared Borislow
Jared Borislow (@JaredBorislow) is a Senior Editor for Grandex Inc and the supreme leader of the Bone Zone.
@jaredborislow
@jaredborislow
This may have set the record for earliest morning post
I miss Morning Coffee Thoughts.
Speaking of things we miss. Brian Mcgannon and Roger Sterling were excellent. I hope they are doing well
Mcgannon, Sterling, Knox, Bacon. I refuse to hear anything other than them doing great.
I met Bacon (Rob Fox) at a bar on West 6th when I was in Austin. He was hammered, but still a very nice dude.
I miss Knox.
I follow Knox on twitter and dude lost crazy weight, good on him.
After leaving I believe Brian McGannon had his own site but a quick google search showed that it has not been updated in 3 years. An even FURTHER search of the PGP app (I thought I saw his name on a recent article) revealed that a Brian McGannon article was released 2 weeks ago – whether this was new content or a rehash of his old work, I do not know. “21 power moves for a bachelor party” or something of that nature.
Two takeaways from this research:
1) it’s a slow morning at the office
2) I’ve been a PGP member for way too fucking long
He’s been writing regularly on the site for, like, over a year.
Ah must have missed these articles. Research very much appreciated
He’s not pumping out the same quantity, but the content is still there.
If you need a contributor for that…ergo, your boy.
Expecting some electric sabermetrics in the coming weeks
I am so god damn invested in this, it’s embarrassing.
You should invest in toilet paper because my girlfriend made Juevos Rancheros last night and clam chowder chimichangas and my bung hole is like a sewer of hot wet goopy diahhrea that is not breaking off clean.
Thanks for sharing?
Seek help. But not from us.
dude…
You have an obsession with poo…go back to TFM.
Comment of the Year
Ya’ll cant let OfficeBeta will win…
It looks like they are strictly going by wins. Using MLB and other sports’ methods, technically Jared and Will are tied. I would object, Jared.
It’s an algorithm so complex that nobody could ever hope to understand how it works and surely everyone will object to it at some point. We were going for a BCS vibe and succeeded.
How bout that game last night? I’ll probably never eat a hot dog again and I know I won’t be drinking for several days.
I spent most of my time making sure my son wasn’t kicking people, and trying to schmooze the season ticket holders next to me in case they wanted to give me any tickets in the future.
You’re confusing standings with power rankings