Gelato Drama Is Tearing Chicago’s Gold Coast Apart

Gelato Drama Is Tearing Chicago’s Gold Coast Apart

A dispute over the quality of gelato being offered at a downtown Chicago park has irritated local residents, according to an actual report by Chicago’s DNA Info.

Black Dog Gelato opened just over a month ago, but it has already polarized the ritzy Chicago neighborhood over quality and the appearance of the stand, according to some complaints.

Black Dog, which works directly with the popular coffee shop Bow Truss and is known for its eccentric flavors, is apparently not up to the arbitrary gelato standards set by delusional locals.

Now some neighbors are demanding that Black Dog leave the park and be replaced by another popular gelato vendor down the street. The people of Gold Coast deserve better.

From DNA Info:

Their latest salvo: collecting signatures to try and boot Black Dog and bring in a different gelato vendor — specifically Amorino, a few blocks away at 838 N. State St. Some residents met privately on Friday to discuss the issue.

It’s unclear what, if anything, they plan on doing with the signatures (when asked how many signatures there are, Steinreich said via e-mail, “A LOT”) or whether this petition of sorts will make a difference.

It likely won’t.

Below are some of the actual complaints Gold Coast residents shared with DNA Info.

Brian Dryer, a Gold Coast resident for nearly 20 years, called the pink stand an “IKEA shack” with inadequate signage and “no smiles at counter it’s terrible.”

“Watch the gelato there once it was served as Gazpaucho [sic],” wrote Cara Kempton, another neighbor.

The park “needs to be updated end of story. We don’t deserve what is being offered right now as dessert,” said Judi Steinreich, who appears to be one of those leading the charge leveled at Bow Truss owner Phil Tadros.

“Coffee is one thing and it’s good coffee. The dessert and supplemental items need to be updated and added to. We understand the Gelato there now is not [Tadros’] business and can be modified which it needs to be as soon as possible. Sanitation is improper, service improper and temperatures improper,” Steinreich said.

“We want to make the Park great again that is all. It is our backyard we want it great,” she said in an e-mail.

Bow Truss owner Phil Tadros described the situation as “kind of like Best In Show and The Twilight Zone.” He also said he has no plans to replace Black Dog Gelato with something else. He called the whole ordeal “almost sitcom horror” and that “at the end of the day, it’s gelato in a beautiful park. Appreciate it and move on.”

But move on, people won’t. Talks continue and neighbors are planning to convene for another meeting to discuss their future gelato options, which I would venture to guess are fairly limited.

I know we are only eight months in, but I am willing right now to declare this the most 2016 story of 2016. It doesn’t get more absurd than a gelato scandal. Like, I would maybe understand it if the gelato was being poisoned or something, but I can’t think of any other reason to go fucking bananas over a shitty version of ice cream. It’s honestly unreal.

We will update this extremely stupid story as it unfolds.

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