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On the most recent episode of The DadGum Podcast, we discussed which R-Rated movies we’d like to show our kids as soon as they get to an appropriate age (I’m thinking like, 6-7ish will do).
We rattled off some classics, like My Cousin Vinny and Animal House, but there are a few more winners I’d like to expose my son to at an early age.
Point Break – This should be a given, but obviously the original version with Swazye and Reeves battling it out in the waves and in the air. Showing your child the remake of Point Break should be considered child abuse and is worthy of a visit from Child Protective Services.
This one is a must early-on for two reasons. One, the movie kicks ass and I really can’t think of much in it that’s too worthy of that R rating. Couple f-bombs and gunshot wounds; I can live with that. Two, from an early age I really need my offspring to be looking to late-80s/early-90s Patrick Swayze as a swagger icon. He needs to emulate that man in every way he can. The only person who can raise my child better than me is on-screen Patrick Swayze.
Bull Durham – The GOAT baseball movie and my kid needs it in his life as soon as possible. I’m thinking by age 7 he’s going to be ready as hell to hear about Crash Davis and Nuke LaLoosh.
Bull Durham teaches the viewer so many of those essential things about baseball that don’t jump out at you. Using superstition to escape a slump, road trip hi-jinks, etc. The only speed bump of showing a young child this would be explaining that he can’t go around saying, “Well, I believe in the soul, the cock, the pussy, the small of a woman’s back.”
That being said, nothing would make me happier than him telling his Little League opponents to throw that shit again, meat.
Inglorious Basterds – It is absolutely imperative to foster a distaste for Nazis at a very early age, and this flick is the best way to do it. Just good old fashioned Nazi-killing family fun. A great flick to kick back and watch with your potentially mortified 7-year-old.
Plus, I think it’d be nice to watch a Tarantino movie with him where the only N-word I have to worry about him hearing is Nazi.
Zodiac – If you haven’t seen Zodiac, the greatest true crime movie of the last twenty years, close this article (after you go subscribe to Grandex Labs) and go watch it. Absolutely phenomenal movie; perfect in my opinion.
This may give my kid a shit ton of nightmares, especially the scene down by the lake or when Gyllenhaal is down in that basement, but so be it. It’s completely worth it to start him early on a love of true crime and fine filmmaking. Not to mention it’d allow him to know Downey Jr. as something other than Iron Man.
Bonus – Chappelle’s Show – Well aware that Chappelle’s Show is not rated R, but actually rated TV-MA. Regardless, it’s the greatest comedic TV show to ever hit the airwaves and I’d be committing child abuse if I didn’t get my child in front of skits like “The Playa Haters’ Ball” or “Charlie Murphy’s True Hollywood Stories.”
Realistically, a ton of the humor would fly over his young head, but it’s all about laying the groundwork for him understanding what quality humor is. I’d even shed a tear when I got a call from his third-grade teacher saying that he told her he didn’t want to do his math homework because “I’m Rick James, bitch.” .
If you want to hear us discuss more R-Rated movies we’d show our kids, as well as other #DadLife stuff, check out the latest episode of The DadGum Podcast on Grandex Labs.