Five People That Had A Worse Weekend Than You: Close Calls And A Free Meal Dating App Bandit

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I won’t lie: the most exciting thing that happened in my weekend was my new mattress arriving. That may seem lame, but I’m floating on a half memory foam/half innerspring cloud of bliss. Which is more than I can say for some people.

Shawn Williams

Any time something new is introduced, someone always has to be first and in the case of the NFL’s new helmet rule, the unfortunate title holder is the Bengals’ safety.

Williams broke the rule, which bans players from lowering their heads and using their helmets to hit opposing players, in the first quarter of Sunday’s game against the Colts with this hit on Andrew Luck:

First ejection of the new helmet rule comes in the first quarter of the very first Sunday. pic.twitter.com/XFgEsXRZ2L

— Warren Sharp (@SharpFootball) September 9, 2018

And with that, Williams was ejected. My question: did Williams not see Concussion? [via Bengals Wire]

Naomi Osaka

Following Saturday’s U.S. Open final, all people were talking about was Serena Williams…who didn’t actually win the match. So, therefore, the actual winner Naomi Osaka takes a spot in this week’s column.

Osaka beat Williams in straight sets and became the first Japanese player to win a Grand Slam. However, all of that was overshadowed by the focus was on Williams and her disagreements with chair umpire Carlos Ramos.

I don’t know shit about tennis, so I don’t know if what happened to Williams was fair or not, but I sure as hell know that none of it was Osaka’s fault and it sucks that her moment was totally overshadowed. In fact, according to Deadspin,

Worst of all is that the narrative surrounding this game—which admittedly is being perpetuated with this blog—is about this controversy and not about Naomi Osaka being the first Japanese tennis player to ever win a Grand Slam. The loud booing directed at the match officials during the trophy ceremony pushed her to tears and forced her to essentially apologize for winning.

I’m sorry we all suck, Naomi. Props to you. [via Deadspin]

This Lady in Connecticut

When we were kids, one of my cousins was a little bit of a pyromaniac. He would randomly light anything he could on fire – napkins, sticks, patio furniture. It’s likely that we all would have met an untimely death if we lived in this house in Bridgeport, CT.

After a thunderstorm knocked out power to her home on Thursday, the unnamed woman went into the basement to retrieve what she thought was a candle from a box left by her home’s previous owners. Unfortunately for her, the “candle” was actually a quarter-stick of dynamite and she wound up blowing multiple fingers off her hands and suffering serious injuries to her face.

The Bridgeport Fire Department and Connecticut State Police removed the rest of the dynamite from the home, and while it’s illegal to possess explosives in Connecticut, charges won’t be filed since the family had no idea the dynamite was in the basement. Which is pretty fair – I think this lady has suffered enough. [via ABCNews]

Paul Guadalupe Gonzales

I’ve been on my fair share of bad dates, but I’ve never had a dude just up and leave mid date. And I’ve certainly never had a guy ditch me and leave me with the check, which is apparently Gonzales’ M.O.

According to CNN, “Gonzales, 45, is accused of 11 counts of extortion and two counts of attempted extortion for allegedly luring women to nice restaurants, ordering food and vanishing — sticking his victims with the bill.”

One of Gonzales’ alleged victims recounted her story to CNN, saying that after meeting on Bumble, the two went on a dinner at Houston’s restaurant and Gonzales stepped out to make a call to check on his aunt, who was hospitalized and just never came back. She wound up having to pay the $218.00 check.

Other women have told similar stories of dates with Gonzales; he’s also accused of “dyeing and dashing” – skipping out on salons after getting his hair colored.

That seems like a lot of effort for a free meal and some hair dye. [via CNN]

Post Malone

Seriously, is this dude cursed or something?

Just a few weeks after cheating death in a scary plane situation, Malone’s Rolls Royce was T-boned on the driver’s side by Kia in West Hollywood early Friday morning. Luckily for everyone, no one was injured in the crash. Afterward, Malone tweeted:

god must hate me lol

— Beerbongs & Bentleys (@PostMalone) September 7, 2018

Actually, I’d say it seems like the opposite..
[via TMZ]

Image via Ben Houdijk / Shutterstock.com

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Jenna Crowley

Jenna used to be known as 2NOTBrokeGirls, but then one of the girls actually went broke, so she's struck out on her own. Jenna spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to get a doctorate, documenting her love of all things cheese related, and hosting the new PGP podcast Don't Take It From Us. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @JennaLCrowley on Twitter or via email at JennaLCrowley@gmail.com.

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