Five People That Had A Worse Weekend Than You: Butts, Bullfighting, And Basketball

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If you follow me on Twitter, you know that I popped into the Grandex office on Friday, kicking off a weekend of tooling around Texas, hanging out with some other writers, and doing the small amount of work that brought me to the Lonestar state to begin with. I had a fantastic weekend, although I have a feeling my weigh-in on Thursday may reflect exactly how much fun I had. But that’s okay – even if I gain a little weight, I did it having a way better weekend than some people.

Anal Sex Lovers (Or Dudes Trying To Convince Girls For Anal)

For reasons I still don’t understand, Gwyneth Paltrow has a lifestyle website, Goop, that people apparently read. Also, for reasons I don’t understand, the site recently came out with a guide to anal sex, and the news in it isn’t great, according to expert Paul Joannides, PsyD, the author of the textbook “The Guide to Getting it On!” Let’s break down a few of the facts that Joannides drops in the guide:

A woman has a 17-times-greater risk of getting HIV and AIDS from receiving anal intercourse than from having vaginal intercourse.

I think we all knew that anal sex carried a higher risk, but 17 times? WTF? Good luck convincing any girl to let you in the backdoor with those stats. The doctor continues:

Because of the amount of trauma the anus and rectum receive during anal intercourse, the likelihood of getting a sexually transmitted infection is higher than with vaginal intercourse. Unprotected anal sex, regardless of whether it is practiced by straight or gay couples, is considered the riskiest activity for sexually transmitted diseases because of the physical design of the anus: It is narrow, it does not self-lubricate, and the skin is more fragile and likely to tear, allowing STDs such as HIV and hepatitis easy passage into the bloodstream.

Okay, so long as a condom is used, we’re all good? Not quite, according to EliteDaily:

Dr. Joannides explained that, yes, condoms and lube can reduce the risk of HIV/AIDS from anal sex if they’re used correctly, however, “you won’t find too many condoms that say ‘safe for anal sex’ because the FDA has not cleared condoms for use in anal sex.

Um, yeah, I’m going to take a hard pass on anal (pun intended). [via Elite Daily]

Antonio Romero

Speaking of anal…how about this: Mexican bullfighter Romero suffered a foot-long laceration of his rectum and anus after being gored by a 1,160-pound bull named Caporal. Yes, you read that correctly – a foot-long.

After Romero tripped and fell, the bull shoved his 11-inch horn into Romero’s exposed backside…of course, someone caught it on film.

According to The New York Daily News, Dr. Rafael Vázquez said the horn left “very, very serious damage to his anorectal region” and “completely destroyed the anal sphincter and very seriously damaged the rectum. Romero had surgery to repair his backside, and despite the damage, seemed to be in good spirits.

Makes your problems seem pretty minimal, doesn’t it? [via New York Daily News]

Thomas

I don’t know who Thomas is, but his dad decided to tell him his grades need improvement in the most public ways, at the Cavs game on Friday night.

The Cavs wound up beating the Charlotte Hornets 112-105, but I think we can all agree the real winner of the evening is Thomas’ dad. [via Mashable]

Lorne Grabher

If your last name is Grabher, you have to have a sense of humor about it, as Lorne, a 68-year-old from Nova Scotia does. In fact, he finds his last name so amusing that he has been driving around with the license plate “GRABHER” nearly 30 years. But those days are about the come to end.

While they claim it doesn’t have to do anything with the infamous “grab her by the p” comments made by their new President of their neighbors to the South, Department Of Transportation in Nova Scotia has decided that Lorne’s German last name is no longer appropriate for a license plate.

Grabher’s plates were actually a gift to his father back in 1991, and he hasn’t found that anyone has been particularly offended by them. He told CBC News:

I’ve never once had anybody come up to me and say they were offended. They would look at it and say, ‘Am I reading this right?’ And I would go, ‘Yes.’ And they would go, ‘Is this your last name?’ And I would go, ‘Yes.’ And they would always just give a little chuckle.

Too bad that the Department of Transportation peeps in Nova Scotia don’t see the humor in it. [via Daily Mail UK]

Xavier, Kentucky, Florida, Kansas

Sorry not sorry, Elite Eight losers. My beloved Gonzaga is in the Final Four for the first time ever and my boss’s beloved Oregon is in for the first time since the first Final Four (it’s good when the man who signs the checks is happy), and that’s all that matters to me. Better luck next year. .

Image via Shutterstock

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Jenna Crowley

Jenna used to be known as 2NOTBrokeGirls, but then one of the girls actually went broke, so she's struck out on her own. Jenna spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to get a doctorate, documenting her love of all things cheese related, and hosting the new PGP podcast Don't Take It From Us. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @JennaLCrowley on Twitter or via email at JennaLCrowley@gmail.com.

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