Five People That Had A Worse Weekend Than You

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Happy Monday, friends. This morning is still a struggle, but I must admit that the Sunday Scaries were made easier by a day full of football and the Monday Blahs are slightly lessened knowing that there are not one, but two Monday Night Football games to look forward to this evening. So while I’m still wishing someone had invented a coffee IV to ward off the sleepies that came from staying up to watch the end of the Cowboys-Giants game, I still had a better weekend than some people.

Julia Cramer

We’ve all made the mistake that Julia, a 13-year-old from Hanover, Virginia made: an accidental overage in data on a cell phone lead to a $541.36 wireless bill. Unfortunately for us, we are adults so we (usually) have to pay those bills ourselves. But in Julia’s case, the bill went to her dad, Jared. Julia was expecting a “don’t let it happen again” lecture from Dad, but what she got was the kind of punishment I can only hope I’m creative enough to come up with if I ever procreate.

Daddy Cramer skipped the lecture, and instead, did the following, according to NBC12:

1. Took his daughter’s phone away.
2. Put all her makeup, designer clothes and fine jewelry in one closet with a lock. Did this a week before school starts.
3. Labeled each item with a certain number of chores she will have to complete in order to earn them back.
4. Gave her the basic necessities to survive, like a bar soap, deodorant and toothbrush. Also, gave her three outfits from Walmart of dad’s choice.
5. Put a huge lock on her closet to send the message.

This guy is my parenting hero. Pretty sure young Julia will think the next time she goes on an Instagram-spree. [via NBC 12]

An Unnamed Chinese Woman In Bangkok

We all know the old saying, “If you do the crime, you have to do the time.” Well, a Chinese national visiting Bangkok definitely committed a crime, and she’s definitely getting punished, in a number of ways.

On Thursday, the woman and her traveling companion were at a fair outside of Bangkok when they allegedly switched a six carat diamond with a fake stone and took off with the real gem. The duo was arrested Thursday night at Bangkok’s Suvarnabhumi Airport while trying to leave Thailand after surveillance video from the fair and the vendor selling the jewel identified them.

Problem was, the stone was nowhere to be found – until doctors found the jewel in the woman’s large intestine. After the normal course of nature and laxatives didn’t help, the woman finally confessed to the crime on Sunday and consented to allow a surgeon to remove the $278,000 diamond before it did damage to her digestive track.

Well, at least she’ll be able to poop properly in prison. [via New York Post]

Taylor Swift

Sure, she’s the most followed person on Instagram, she just won an Emmy for her “AMEX Unstaged: Taylor Swift Experience,” and well, she’s Taylor Swift, so her weekend couldn’t have been that bad.

But still, she did get sued. David Mueller was an on-air personality at KYGO in Denver in 2013 when Taylor Swift was in town, performing at the Pepsi Center. A member of Swift’s security team accused Mueller of grabbing Swift’s ass backstage, and two days later, he was let go from the station. Mueller says the allegations of him smacking Swift’s backside are false and is now suing the singer over the incident.

Hands off the merchandise.

[via Hollywood Reporter]

Neighbors of West Linn, OR Police Sgt. Dave Kempas

Sargent Dave Kempas has plenty of expertise with burglars. But what he didn’t know was that his own cat, Tigger, was among them.

Tigger, who has been nicknamed Kleptokitty by Kempas, has taken to stealing items such as children’s toys and underwear, bringing them home to his owner. Kempas was so curious about where Tigger was getting the items, he set up surveillance cameras to track the cat burglar, and of course, it now has its own Facebook page.

While most of the loot Tigger has pilfered from his neighbors has been harmless, there was that one time that he brought Kempas a baggie full of pot. Kempas cleans up and donates any item that Tigger brings home that is worthwhile, but no word on what he did with the weed… [via Daily Mail]

Nick Young

You’re a 30-year-old star for the Lakers. You’re engaged to Iggy Azalea. Your cousin is rapper Kendrick Lamar. Your nickname is Swaggy P. So obviously, you spend your Saturday nights not at any of the hot LA clubs – you go to Dave and Buster’s, which is what Nick Young did this weekend.

But just in case that wasn’t weird enough, Young’s entourage was apparently involved in an altercation inside the game bar that moved outside, where Young had a complete meltdown. TMZ obtained a video of the incident, during which Young can be heard yelling at a buddy “Everywhere we go, bruh, everywhere we go.” Young is then seen tossing a water bottle at the same member of his crew. The incident seemed pretty minor, but apparently the LAPD disagreed – not only did they have additional officers come to scene, the department also dispatched a helicopter. Luckily for Young, no one was arrested, so the only damage to his rep is that people now know he spends his Saturday evenings playing skeeball instead of getting turnt. [via TMZ] .

Image via a katz / Shutterstock.com

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Jenna Crowley

Jenna used to be known as 2NOTBrokeGirls, but then one of the girls actually went broke, so she's struck out on her own. Jenna spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to get a doctorate, documenting her love of all things cheese related, and hosting the new PGP podcast Don't Take It From Us. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @JennaLCrowley on Twitter or via email at JennaLCrowley@gmail.com.

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