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On Monday night, I took part in the time-honored tradition of being the third wheel on a date night. The original plan was to go to the Cubs game, but since it was pouring rain and 45 degrees outside, we decided to take shelter in Cubby Bear across the street. Delay after delay and drink after drink, Jack and Alex got more and more affectionate.
Now normally, when couples get affectionate, they’re touching each other, making eyes, generally ignoring the person they’re with. You sit across from one of them at the table staring at your sad lunch that you ordered with the hope that you would playfully argue with someone about whether or not they could steal a bite, only to be completely isolated while your best friend probably gets jerked off by a foot under the table.
But every once in awhile, you’ll find a couple that’s special. You go out for drinks with your best work buddy and jokingly groan when you hear he invited his girlfriend that you haven’t met yet, only to be blown away by not only her, but by the entire dynamic of their relationship. They’ll take turns buying you drinks. They include you in their jokes. Shit, maybe they’ll even call you later to see if you want to join them for a cup of coffee later that week.
That’s what Jack and Alex have. They love each other, sure, but more importantly, they give me attention. They give me recommendations on where to go for dates. I can talk to them about career advice. They enthusiastically encourage my drunken shenanigans and get me shitfaced every time we go to Emo Night. Jack actually asked me to be his date to Emo Prom, and I was thrilled to say yes. If we’re being honest, I would probably have a threesome of emotions with them.
What’s a threesome of emotions? Glad you asked. In my almost-quarter century on the planet, I’ve come to find that when a couple finds a third, single person that they feel comfortable enough with, one of two things happens: either they start treating that third person as their child, or they let them into their most intimate moments. I’m not talking about getting involved in the bedroom. Well, not physically at least. I’m talking about sharing secrets. Giving you a glimpse into their world. You see what makes them happy, you know what makes them sad. They feel comfortable coming to you for advice on things that they couldn’t ask anyone else for, and you can bear your soul to them and they won’t think twice about it. All three people’s hearts moving as one, a threesome of emotions.
Before we go any further, it’s really important not to mix up a threesome of emotions and an emotional threesome. Threesomes of emotion are purely emotional, whereas an emotional threesome is when three people really get after it and have a sexual connection unlike any other. You may have seen one on the internet once or twice. Sure, an emotional threesome can be the result of a threesome of emotions, but in my experience, that hasn’t happened yet.
I’ll never forget my first ever threesome of emotions. It was a rainy day in southern California. My best friend, his girlfriend, and I all were sitting on a patio underneath a canopy watching the clouds roll by as the water sprinkled on the concrete. They sat together on an Adirondack chair, and I sat next to them on a lawn chair. A half full case of Coronas laid between us with empty bottles scattered throughout. A slow indie song played through the speakers as I looked over at them and told them how purely content I was at that moment. They reciprocated, and we went on to share secrets and talk about things I would rarely ever feel like discussing. When it was over, I leaned back and lit a cigarette, feeling a sweet release of any tension I had felt up until that point.
If you haven’t done something like this, I highly recommend you to. It may feel wrong at first. You might not know how to get started, and that’s okay. The key is to ease your way into it. Have a few drinks. Light some candles. Put on a movie that you all know you aren’t really going to watch. When it’s all done, I can almost guarantee that you’ll feel more connected to those people than anyone else you know. .
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Charlie
Using sarcasm as a defense mechanism since 1993. At any given moment I'm either tired, drunk, or stressed out. Get at me at charliepgp@gmail.com or whatever.
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The joy I felt when my buddy and his girlfriend were so proud of me for hooking up with her friend out of my league, felt much better than any time my parents have praised me my entire life.
As the number ranked 3rd wheel in the world, I endorse this.
*number 1 ranked. Damnit.
No 3rd sounds way more legit. Nicely done.
I might be a close second. Going to the movies as a third wheel takes a special kind of self awareness
I’m a big 3rd wheel guy. Heck, sometimes I’m the 4th or 5th
I’m a very very very close second. When you’re the only one in your friend group that is hopelessly single, you get tossed around from one couple to another like divorced parents. Holidays and weekends you’re with one couple, Tuesdays and Thursdays with another, etc.
If you’re ever in Nashville, drinks are on me and Mrs. Ruxin.
I’ll be in Nashville June 9-11 for Country Music Week. Gonna hook The Drunk Uncle up with a little bourbon?
Always assumed you were more of a busch heavy kind of guy. Hit me up when you’re in town!
Haha I have this. The title threw me off at first, but my best friend and her fiancé are a few years older than me and took me in a long time ago and they usually always pay for my drinks and threw me a huge party when I graduated from nursing school. The only downside is that they constantly try to set me up with their friends but I love ’em regardless. I don’t usually admit it, but a huge part of why I’m single is because I am waiting for an honest and carefree love like theirs. Everyone needs this in their life.
Didn’t know there was a phrase for this. Moving to a a new city 1000 miles away for a job with zero friends is rough. However, my saving grace was an associate at my office who lives in the same apartment complex. Her and her husband are awesome people, and we all had an instant connection. I’ve spent more evenings hanging out with them than I have at my own place. I am selfishly crushed to be losing my threesome of emotion, as he got a job after graduate school and they will be moving at the end of the month, but can’t be upset to see people you care about chasing dreams.
I met my two best friends 2 months into their relationship. They are like brothers to me, and I can’t imagine not having them in my life. I come and go so often at their place we’ve confused the neighbors enough for some of them to ask if I’m dating one of them. Love this article, thanks Charlie.
This. My best friend and his wife live a block away from us. When the fiancé works I usually walk over for dinner. And by dinner I mean getting high while she cooks us dinner and we talk about deep shit like plays for their son’s future little league teams or how the XFL 30 for 30 changed the world.
Not going to lie, Emo Prom sounds amazing.
My roommate/best friend’s fiance is military and needed to live with us for like 2 weeks between trainings. It was an awesome 2 weeks. We would have dinners together, we sat around the living room and played The Book of Questions, and I got to watch them interact and be so happy together while I still got to enjoy their company. It was a perfect situation and I love this article, Charlie!
Yep. Never thought of it this way but was the maid of honor in the wedding of my threesome of emotions couple. It’s rare and cool when you can hang out with your best friend’s husband just as much as with her.