Fictional Friendships I Want To Be A Part Of

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The older I get the more I appreciate close friends. People who genuinely care about one another but can still roast the fuck out of each other because they have years’ worth of highly sensitive information. These are the friends who you hit up first when figuring out weekend plans. You communicate with each other through every single platform possible – texting, Snapchat groups, Instagram DMs, and email chains once you’re old enough to realize the real world has beaten you senseless.

But no matter how close you and your friends are, you will never be as close or as cool as best friends in movies and TV shows. You think you and your BFF are as good as friends as Shawn Hunter and Corey Matthews? Shawn stood literally arm in arm with Corey as the minister conducted Corey’s wedding ceremony to the smoke show that was Topanga Lawrence. You and your best friends have always kept in touch even when living far apart? That’s cute. Every single member of the gang in That 70’s Show blew off college for years to get baked together in Eric Foreman’s basement. Friendships in movies and TV shows are simply on another level. Obviously, it is because they are fictitious. That doesn’t mean we can’t wish to be a part of them. So here is my breakdown of the top 5 friendships I want to be a part of.

5. That ’70s Show – Eric Foreman, Donna Pinciotti, Michael Kelso, Steven Hyde, Jackie Burkhart, and Fez

The gang from That ’70s Show is one of the ultimate TV friend groups. They have their iconic hangout spot in Eric’s basement where they come and go as they please even if Eric is absent or Red Foreman threatens them with a foot in their ass. Most of them have grown up together and they always have fun together doing pointless and stupid shit. Who wouldn’t love to join them in “The Circle” to smoke a j? This group of friends always particularly resonated with me growing up because my high school friends and I always kicked it in my friend Nick’s basement even if he wasn’t home. It was an added bonus that Nick’s mom was a sweet little lady like Kitty Foreman.

So why aren’t they ranked higher? Call me a sap, but the gang shows almost zero emotional support to one another. I understand it is a comedy, but even comedies have their heartfelt and supportive moments. Hyde hooks up with Jackie immediately after her breakup with Kelso. Jackie eventually makes her way through the friend group to date Fez. As mentioned above, they all blow off college for years to get high in the basement. At some point, shouldn’t these friends try to help each other grow in life? That’s what real friends do for each other. That being said, I would still kill to join the “The Circle” on a Friday night while a Zeppelin record played in the back. And obviously, for the chance to date Mila Kunis.

4. 8 Mile – Jimmy “B-Rabbit” Smith, David “Future” Porter, Cheddar “MC” Bob, Sol George, and DJ Iz.

This might be surprising to some of you, but that’s probably because you’re a “Free World” bitch. The boys from 313 always had each other’s back. B-Rabbit feels like brawling with Free World in public at 2 p.m.? They’re right there to throw haymakers. B-Rabbit is too afraid to show the world his talent? Future is there to force him on stage and gas him up. B-Rabbit needs a ride to his job at the plant at 7:00 a.m.? Sol’s ya boy. How many responses would you get in your group text right now if you said “Hey fellas, I need a ride to work tomorrow at 7:00 a.m. Who’s down?” I would likely get one reply, and it would be instructions on how to order an uber or take a bus. This message would then be “emphasized” by the remainder of the group.

Why aren’t they ranked higher? They are basically just doing shit for B-Rabbit the whole time. Sol and DJ Iz, whose names I had to Google, are nearly non-existent save for one or two scenes. When Cheddar Bob shoots himself, B-Rabbit goes off on the others for only worrying and fighting about how to get B-Rabbit studio time. Not to mention they almost trapped B-Rabbit in a burning house and didn’t show any remorse after he escaped by jumping from a top story window. They are a strong, loyal group of friends, but they do have their flaws.

3. Entourage – Vincent Chase, Eric Murphy, Johnny “Drama” Chase, and Turtle

For nearly ten years, every group of bros wanted to be the boys from Queens. They all grew up together in a poor New York neighborhood but worked together to live large and fuck anything that moved in Hollywood. Sure Vince contributed the most, but Drama was the first to take them out there thanks to the legendary Viking Quest and even Turtle reveals it was his $5K that helped set them up in LA. They brawl in Vegas together when Seth Green slanders the goddess that is Sloan. They all fit perfectly into their roles in the friend group – Drama the chef, Turtle the driver, Eric the manager, and Vince the star. The fact that they are based on Mark Wahlberg and his real life group of best friends gives you the sense that this type of friendship is possible for you and your boys. Unfortunately, none of us have a Vince in our friend group and are stuck with a bunch of pre-Avion Turtles.

Why aren’t they ranked higher? Idly standing by as their best friend and golden ticket, Vince, dates a pornstar and spirals into a coke addiction loses you some friendship points. They get a slight pass because, hey, it’s Hollywood baby.

2. Parks and Rec – Leslie Knope, Ron Swanson, Ann Perkins, Ben Wyatt, April Ludgate, Tom Haverford, Chris Traeger, Andy Dwyer, Donna Meagle…..and Jerry Gergich.

I absolutely love this group. It’s a big group but they all treat each other like family with the exception of shitting on Jerry all the time. But he has a hot wife and huge penis, so he’ll be okay. Whenever I can’t deal with the awkwardness of The Office and how often the characters fight with each other, I turn on Parks and Rec and admire how these co-workers turned into friends and family. These friends genuinely care for each other. From teaming up to run Leslie’s campaign to the dream bachelor parties all the guys throw for each other, these friends are invested in each other’s happiness. When you see in the finale that they all have remained so close despite life taking them in different directions, I almost burst into tears like I did when Lil Sebastian went to horsey heaven.

Why aren’t they ranked higher on the list? Simply because number 1 is so great. If I had to pick a reason, it’s because most of them would not be friends outside of work. I know that seems harsh for our beloved P&R group, but it’s the truth. Tom and Ben are polar opposites and the rest of them have significantly different interests and hobbies except for Leslie and the beautiful Ann Perkins. I just can’t see this group coming together had they all met outside of the parks department.

Side note: I don’t care if I go bankrupt. Sign me the fuck up for running Entertainment 720 with Tom Haverford and Jean-Ralphio Saperstein.

1. Good Will Hunting – Will Hunting, Chuckie Sullivan, Morgan O’Mally, and Billy McBride

Sean McGuire (Robin Williams) to Professor Lambeau: “Why do you think Will hangs out with those retarded gorillas, as you called them? Because any one of them, if he asked them, would take a fucking bat to your head. That’s loyalty.”

The genius Will Hunting and his boys from Southie may not be the ideal friends you think about wanting to hang with, but they are the true definition of friendship. Like other friends on this list, they back up Will when he jumps out the car to beat the shit out of his childhood bully. But there are other factors that set them apart. As young, poor guys living in a rough part of Boston, they pool together their money to buy Will a car to get to his new job. Will letting Chuckie pretend to be him for a huge interview and trick the interviewers into giving him cash? All-time best friend story. They constantly roast each other but as the GOAT, Robin Williams, mentioned, they are loyal beyond anything else. They enjoy riding in the car together every day to work and then grabbing beers immediately after, but Ben Affleck’s Chuckie, knows this isn’t the life for Will. The moment he says, “In 20 years, if you’re still living here, I’ll fuckin kill ya,” their friendship transcends all others. He knows his boy is “wicked smaht” and is like a brother to him, but as any true friend does, he pushes his best friend to be the best that he can be.

Friendship is a beautiful thing. Send this to your best friends and who knows, maybe you’ll all get together for a memorable time this weekend. Your move, chief..

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Don Billingsley

Using wit and humor to hide the fact that I don't know what I'm doing at work or in life. Strongest Insta captions in the game.