Feds Approve Powdered Alcohol, This Won’t End Well

This really can’t end well, can it?

The United States’ Alcohol and Tobacco Tax and Trade Bureau recently approved a product called Palcohol. It’s a powdered alcohol brand that features mixed drink flavors, such as Lemon Drops, Cosmopolitans, and Kamikazes. Palcohol also offers straight up alcohol options, such as vodka, for folks with simpler tastes.


The possibilities for this product are pretty endless. You can bring these little packets into sporting events, concerts, or pack them in your airport luggage. Their website boasts, “Take your Pal wherever you go!”

I’m sure that will include many an economics lecture on Thursdays at 3:30 on college campuses across the country. (“No, Professor Pollack, that’s just Crystal Light! Don’t try to taste it, though. I have the flu.”)

For those of you wondering about alcohol content, the website says, “Palcohol, when used as directed, by adding five ounces of liquid to it, is equal to a standard mixed drink.” Yes. And those notches on red Solo cups are measurements for how much you should consume per cup. Suggested and ignored.

The Palcohol website’s FAQ also answers the million dollar question when it comes to anything powdered: “Can I snort it?”

Initially, when he product was released, the company’s answer was a bit edgier: “Let’s talk about the elephant in the room…snorting Palcohol. Yes, you can snort it. And you’ll get drunk almost instantly…Good idea? No. It will mess you up.”

Now, surely at the behest of Palcohol’s legal council, the website says something different: “Can I snort it? We have seen comments about goofballs wanting to snort it. Don’t do it! To take precautions against this action, we’ve added volume to the powder so it would take more than a half of a cup of powder to get the equivalent of one drink up your nose. You would feel a lot of pain for very little gain. Just use it the right way.”

Will this detract idiots trying to put booze up their noses? Probably not. I’m sure doing such an action will land many people in future Fail Friday columns over at TFM. We’ll see what happens when Palcohol hits shelves, which will likely happen this fall.

[via USA Today]

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