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Sunday night, as I watched the Giants fail to cover the spread, I attempted to take my L in silent, miserable fashion. That desire was interrupted around midway through the second quarter. As much as I just wanted to watch the game in peace, I couldn’t just ignore the GroupMe blowing up.
“What are these idiots going on about?” I wondered to myself. Intending to just read a couple messages then go back to my miserable focus on the game, I instead subjected myself to something no man enjoys dealing with.
Every group of sports fans has their own personal Skip Bayless; the guy throwing out hot take after hot take that gets worse and worse. Our GroupMe’s Skip is named Mike, and when I checked my phone I saw fucking Mike spitting fire about “Aaron Rogers” being overrated.
I wish I could say that I was surprised that he was arguing that a top-three QB in football was overrated, or that it was the hottest erroneous take he had that night. But considering the guy spouted out “Cris Carter made Randy Moss look good” and “Zach Britton was the best player in MLB,” it’s obvious that nothing is shocking or sacred when it comes to Mike’s takes.
His heart is in the right place; the guy loves sports. And maybe he’s just shitting out these flaming garbage takes on a daily basis to get us riled up, but regardless of the motivation, they’re out there and they’re awful. What’s redeeming about this is that every group needs that guy who’s going to shake up the takes a little bit.
Close your eyes and think about who the Skip Bayless of your group is and undoubtedly one dude will come to mind. For me, it’s a 6’5″ guy with a low handicap and an unhealthy appetite for gin. To tell you the truth, our group needs him just like your group needs your Skip. These guys aren’t earning undeserved millions for vocally vomiting opinions that should be taken out behind the shed like Skip Bayless does. They’re just inspiring healthy banter in an otherwise bland group.
How much “Brady is great” or “LeBron is great” can you all agree on before things get stale? No, you need a guy to come out swinging with an all caps “THE CAVS DON’T COME BACK FROM 3-1 WITHOUT DELLAVEDOVA!” Maybe they don’t have “statistics” or “logic” backing up their points, but dammit they’ve got passion, and these days doesn’t that count for something?
I don’t always pop into the group chat. In fact, in this group I’m known for my rare appearances. This chat is the prime source of communication for a fantasy football league, but it’s rare that the whole band gets back together for one conversation. But Mike, bless him, provides that conversation. I may not hop in to roast someone when they make a bad lineup decision, or to comment on the hangover someone is bitching about. But when the group rallies together like an 1880’s posse to shoot Mike in the street for saying Aaron Rodgers is anything less than an elite QB, it’s a special moment.
No one wants to be the shitty hot-take guy, but we all need that guy just the same. As long as they aren’t handed millions of dollars and a travesty of a show on FS1, we’ll still continue to appreciate when they make the case that Derek Anderson could QB a team to a Super Bowl victory..
[via FS1 / YouTube]
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Kyle Bandujo
The artist formerly known as Crash Davis. My kid doesn't think I'm funny.
@kylebandujo
@bandujokyle
kyle.bandit
Just tried to imagine my group’s bad take guy before having the frightening realization that it could possibly be me.
It’s not you. “Bad take guy” isn’t beta.
Holding to your New Year’s resolution. Proud of you.
Low hanging fruit. I seize my opportunities.
Bad take guy doesn’t roll over when cornered to expose his soft underbelly to the savages hounding him, he bares his teeth and goes down swinging. I don’t think that’s you, sorry Will.
At least ‘Bad Take Guy’ stands by his takes
Doubt we’ll ever see a re-release of the column Will posted and then disappeared because of some Jezebel heat.
Jared is PGP’s bad take guy.
Nah that’s 5oclockShadow
Honestly I think it’s Dillon. He says lots of wrong things on BDC, and sometimes it’s not even a take- it’s just a fact.
It took some scrolling, but my suspicions on my group’s Skip were confirmed in this one comment by arguably our most educated member.
“It’s really hard to believe UVa football hasn’t been ranked since 2004.”
Got him…
We don’t have necessarily a hot-take guy but we get a ton of really stupid hypothetical questions
Is any group of guys complete without really stupid hypotheticals?
Kyle I’m actually mildly offended you didn’t use me and our group chat as the topic of this. I’m hurt buddy.
Dropped a link to this in our group text just to see what happens. Will update as necessary, but bad take guy tends to not be very self aware.
Yeah, just scrolled back in my GroupMe to find that guy, and its definitely the dude who said “Gary Barnidge is a top 5 tight end”…
I have a dream that my four little dolphins will one day live in an ocean where they will not be judged by the quality of their takes, but by the content of their character.
-Dolphin Luther King Jr.
Shouts to Will or Dave for making the picture of ‘Bad Take Guy’ Skip.
Every group text also always has that random pop-in-and-out person. It’s straight fire to get their opinion because we aren’t graced with it often enough.