Even If You’re Single And Bitter, You Should Enjoy Valentine’s Day Capitalism

Even If You're Single And Bitter, You Should Enjoy Valentine's Day Capitalism

It’s that time of year again. All over social media you’re going to see moaning and groaning about how much it sucks to be single on Valentine’s Day or how Valentine’s Day is a dumb holiday. You’ll also have, on the other side of the spectrum, the guys who think that Valentine’s Day is an easy time to pick up women who want a Valentine’s date. I say they are all missing the point. Give me a break, people. Worrying about a Valentine’s Day crush should have ended in elementary school and you definitely don’t want to hook up on Valentine’s Day, unless of course you have a significant other. Valentine’s Day is actually a great holiday if you know how to properly celebrate it. Let me help you pick up what I’m putting down.

To be honest, I’ve never actually tested the theory of whether it’s easier to get a date or hook up on Valentine’s Day because I was either already dating someone or wasn’t interested in exerting the effort when it was under 40 degrees outside. Move Valentine’s Day to April or May and then maybe we’ll talk. Not to say I’d ignore some woman who, figuratively or literally, dropped into my lap, but you know what I mean.That said, the best things about Valentine’s Day have nothing to do with romance or finding a quiver in which to store Cupid’s arrow for the night. The best things about Valentine’s Day have everything to do with its over-commercialization.

That’s right. The proper way to celebrate Valentine’s Day, single or not, is to focus on the sales. So many companies are trying to capitalize on couples leading up to and on Valentine’s Day. If you look in the right places you will find sales on select items which you could gift to yourself or others and some restaurants and bars will have great dinner or drink specials. When they’re competing for your date night, you win. Thank God for capitalism. In fact, even my favorite shooting range is offering a Valentine’s Day special because nothing says romance like renting a P90 and peppering a paper target with 5.7×28 mm ammo.

Valentine’s Day sales don’t end on the night of February 14th. The most important Valentine’s Day sales are the candy, cookie, and cupcake sales that start on February 15th. Stores stock up on thousands and thousands of different chocolates, M&Ms, peanut butter cups, candy hearts, cookies, cupcakes, and other diabetes-inducing treats in preparation for all the people who are going to buy them for his or her significant other, a loved one, or even just a friend. Of course, if you aren’t actually celebrating Valentine’s Day ON Valentine’s Day you can wait until February 15th and get all the sweets you want for 25% off. Considering that by February 15th most people are a month and a half into their “get fit” New Years Resolution, this is an excellent opportunity to fall off the wagon for a day or a week or whatever and binge on candy until you guilt yourself back onto your diet. Sustainability. Diets are all about sustainability.

So there you go. Valentine’s Day isn’t always good to your heart or your libido, but it is almost always good for your wallet. I don’t know how anyone can be bitter about being single when they are eating enough caramel-filled chocolate to hallucinate from the sugar high. I, for one, cannot wait to take advantage of the sales and drink specials, even if I have to bring a friend or find another single person to pose as my date to get it. Saving money has no shame, and neither do I. And who knows? Maybe you will get lucky. Drink specials bring with them plenty of randoms with interesting propositions.

Image via Shutterstock

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"Technically, Pablo Escobar was in sales."

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