Elite Daily Got Everything Wrong About How To Cure The Sunday Scaries

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In life, you have your niche. For numbers people, they often turn to accounting or engineering. For nurturers, they may become guidance counselors or therapists. But for me? It’s the Sunday Scaries.

I didn’t choose that life; it chose me. Believe me, if I didn’t have to crawl up in my bed every Sunday night watching romantic comedies while sipping ice cold lemon waters, I wouldn’t. I’d go to sleep early and wake up refreshed for the week ahead of me in place of falling asleep half past midnight, only to wake up an hour and a half later covered in my own sweat. I live them. I breathe them. I even wear them on my oversized pocket tees. I’m the world’s foremost authority on Sunday Scaries. The Scaries Whisperer. The Godfather of The Scaries.

Which is why I become furious when people don’t stay in their lane and leave the Sunday Scaries to me. I’m not going to say that no one can use the word – I’d actually prefer if everyone used the word. But I will say that there are certain people and publications that need to contact me before they go off running their mouths.

Case in point? Elite Daily. Nevermind the fact that they stole my graphic and used it for an Instagram. I’ve put that behind me. But today they’ve done something I can’t forgive them for, and that something is giving terrible advice regarding how to cure your Sunday Scaries. Let’s begin by simply watching the video.

On the surface, sure, it seems okay. But let’s really peel back some layers here and get down to the nitty-gritty by taking a long, hard look at each of their tips.

1. Don’t procrastinate. Get chores, work and other dreadful activities out of the way first thing in the morning so you can focus on relaxation the rest of the day.

Yeah, Elite Daily. It’s totally reasonable that I’m going to mop my kitchen floor and clean out my refrigerator when I’m rocking a stage-five hangover with a lost debit card and a receipt that signals I drank between eight and ten vodka-sodas the night before.

In theory, this makes sense. Your mind can only be as clear as the coffee table in front of you while you watch Sherlock for five straight hours. But in practice, it makes zero sense. The moment you drag your hungover mess of a body to do one single chore, you’ll start forming beads of sweat on your brow and get out of breath from trying to load your washer with your dirty sheets. Before you know it, your thoughts are going to amplify and you’ll start convincing yourself you need to work out more because you’re an out-of-shape piece of shit (you are) who needs to get back to peak physical condition (you do).

2. Get out of the house. Active leisure like taking a walk or doing yoga will make you happier than choosing something passive like a Netflix binge.

Totally, guys. So much truth to this. Oh, hold on, just kidding – terrible fucking idea. Sure, you might think it’s a good idea to go for a run, but once you get five blocks from the park and you can start smelling your Miller Lite-scented sweat come from your pores, you’re going to wonder if anyone will see you slowly walking back to your house so you can ball up on your couch for the long haul. I won’t even confront the fact that they’re showing a girl doing solo yoga in the park.

Oh, wait, I have to.

3. Unplug. Disconnecting on the weekends can allow you the time you need to recharge your batteries after a stressful week.

You’re out of your damn mind if you think it’s a good idea to unplug on a Sunday when you’re hungover to the nines. What you need instead? All the friends you can scrounge up – and I’m not talking to hang out in person with, I’m talking to group text about the weekend prior with. You need to be talking each other off the edge and ensuring everyone that what they did is totally normal (even though it’s probably not).

Being on airplane mode like a psycho? Nah, fam. Not the move. The second you go off the grid, you’ll start wondering if there’s an emergency you need to confront. You’ll imagine how low your bank account might be and have a desire to check it. You’ll be alone with your own thoughts which is the worst possible thing you can have happen when you’re already scared out of your skull.

4. Plan something fun.Strategically setting up little things to look forward to throughout the upcoming week can help soothe some of your Sunday evening dread.

Easier said than done, Elite Daily. Just be honest with yourself – you’re not planning shit. Instead, you’re probably telling yourself, “I’m never drinking or going out again.”

The best advice I can give you in regards to planning something? Don’t get ahead of yourself. Find your least hungover/most responsible friend and convince them that you need to have a group-inclusive “family dinner” on Sunday night where you all shampoo in a little red wine while eating a hefty serving of pasta or casserole while watching an awards show. Sure, you may not want to drink again but the best detox is retox so you really don’t have a choice in the matter.

5. Make your space relaxing. Clear your bedroom of laptops and work papers. Try meditating, lighting candles, or reading a good book to clear your head before you hit the sack.

On the surface, yeah, this is perfect. We all know what The Panic Room is by this point, and if you haven’t instituted one yourself, you’re begging to get the Sunday Blues even worse than you already have them.

Meditating, though? Just no. Again, being alone with your thoughts is not going to do you any favors. Lighting candles? Essential for any Scaries situation. Elite Daily got that right, at least. Reading a good book? Yes, it sounds relaxing, but when’s the last time you read a book with a clear mind let alone a monstrous hangover? You’ll get to page one, chapter one and set it on your bedside table where it’ll rest until next week when you try the exact same thing. It’s an endless cycle.

But when worst comes to worst, just follow Sunday Scaries on Twitter to find your guiding light. .

[via Elite Daily]

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Will

Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.

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