Don’t Waste Your Life Drinking White Wine When Red Is Far Superior

Don't Waste Your Life Drinking White Wine When Red Is Far Superior

As wine gains on beer as the most popular libation in America, it’s important that we focus on what type of wine you should be drinking. Keep in mind as you read this that I am not talking in terms of food pairings (here is a great chart for that, by the way). Obviously you don’t want to get dirty looks from the bourgeoisie because you’re throwing back a Pinot Noir while eating linguine with white clam sauce. If there’s anything I’ve learned over the years it’s that if you truly want to enjoy clams you have to find the right fit. Wine-wise, of course.

However, when it comes to the casual and social consumption of wine, just like black bears versus brown bears, there are two schools of thought. Some people prefer red wine while others, unfortunately, prefer white. People who prefer white wine are just wrong. I would know. Freshman year of college when we would sneak alcohol into the dorms, I’d have the guys sneak in a bottle of white wine, usually Chardonnay, for me for several reasons. First, it was more cost effective than beer. Five bucks for a bottle that I could chug and get a solid buzz. Second, it was easier to hide before and after consumption. It’s a wine bottle versus a six pack of beer, let alone a case. Finally, after one and two led to wine as a solution, white wine just went down more easily than red wine, which is obviously preferable.

White wine, to me, seems designed for voluminous consumption. The flavor and consistency are light and easy for chugging. For the exact same reason, however, it is inferior to red wine. There isn’t really a noticeable variety among whites. If you focus intently enough, you might be able to taste the variation in flavor over a range of white wine, but overall it’s a low risk, lightly flavored throat-dryer. Sure, it’s okay if you’re a college kid trying to get drunk or, as stated earlier, pairing with a certain meal, but it’s just not the kind of wine you want to ingest if you are trying to enjoy life. It’s boring and bland.

Red wines are far superior to white wines. They have the richness and depth of flavor worth savoring. They also have a much wider, much more noticeable variety of flavor. And they’re healthier. That’s right, the health benefits of wine you have read about are mostly in red wines because they have more antioxidants and minerals and less sugar than white wines. You can sip it slowly and you can chug it. Red wine is more versatile, more delicious, overall more enjoyable. And it goes better with pizza than white wine, which really should drive the point home.

Nowadays, with Trader Joe’s popping up everywhere and downward pricing pressure on wine, you can find some excellent wines, even imports, for very cheap. I prefer French and Italian reds compared to that pricy liberal swill out in California. I have some solid recommendations if you’re an emerging wino, and I don’t care how douchey that sounds. Get yourself an aerator (you’ll thank me later) and snag yourself some quality reds and enjoy life more than those boring Riesling-guzzlers.

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