======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ==== ======= ======= ====== ====== ====== ===== ==== ====== ====== ===== ====
I like to consider myself a modern, independent woman. But when it comes to dating, I’ve always been old-fashioned. If we’re making eye contact with each other from across the bar or in a coffee shop, I’d like you to be the one to approach me. Unfortunately for me, chivalry is, in fact, very much dead. So I’d like to raise the question: as we’re discovering the world of dating in the 21st century, do girls have to be the ones to approach guys to get a date?
Two of my very closest female friends have both gotten hammered at bars, used their lack of inhibition to hit on hot guys, and taken it from there. One of those girls is now engaged to the guy she hit on, while my other friend has been dating her boy toy for over two and a half years. I’ve yet to try this tactic, but apparently it’s a successful one.
Which brings me to this point: I’ve been noticing this trend for years now—more and more women have been the ones to initiate their relationships while more and more men seem to be slowly backing away into the mentality that “the girl should be the one to hit on them.” And as more women make the first move, men are even more comfortable shying away because they don’t have to be the ones to initiate things anymore.
Now, I’m not saying that I think guys should ALWAYS be the ones to hit on girls, because I see nothing wrong with girls taking some initiative now and then. Hell, I wish I could be one of those girls. However, I am the least assertive person I know, and I can make things awkward really quickly, so it’s not a realistic option for me.
But where does that leave all the girls like me—the ones who aren’t forward enough to approach guys on their own, but who aren’t being approached by guys anymore?
As we know all too well, postgrad dating is already the worst. Having to wade through the bullshit is even harder when you tack on texting etiquette, Facebook creeping, meeting people online, meeting people through apps like Tinder—you get the idea. Things are hard enough without adding evolving gender roles to the mix.
Has anyone else noticed this trend, or am I just taking crazy pills? Let me know. Meanwhile, I’m gonna go chug eight vodka sodas in the corner of the bar so I can get drunk enough to hit on that guy. Wish me luck!
Respond
@dishchelsea
@chelseadish
chelseadish
From my personal experiences of hitting on girls and taking initiative, I’ve had my fair share of successes and failures. But a lot of these failures aren’t just some girl saying “no thank you” or “I have a boyfriend, sorry.” They instead have to be complete and total bitches about it and make you feel like the biggest loser in the world, because they’re snobs or they think they’re too good for anyone who isn’t named Channing Tatum. So this feeling of rejection is taken to a whole other level, and could be making guys want to avoid this feeling of extreme rejection and avoiding these types of girls who dish out the attitude when rejecting their guys. Which could be leading to guys holding back a little bit leading to the increasing trend of girls taking the initiative and hitting on the guys. Just my view of it.
TL;DR version: Guy hits on girl, girl is a total bitch. Guys don’t want to deal with it, girls start hitting on guys.
Please do get hammered drunk and talk to us. If you’re attractive we’ll always give you a chance. Plus, girls inevitably roll with their posse. Like hell any guy wants to wade into that mess and interrupt the annoying girl trying to tell her boring ass story.
I crashed a bachelorette party two weekends ago. It can be done.
A buddy of mine ended up dating a girl for a while after she approached him at the bar:
He was waiting to order a drink and she was sitting there with her friend and says “We want you to talk to us.” and he took it from there, the rest is history. Nothing too crazy
I think what HappyandHomeless is trying to say is girls fear being “creeped” on a and hit on as much as guys fear talking to women. Don’t go out with more than 2 girl friends and make sure they are not the bitchy defensive type you might have a better shot at getting hit on. Don’t cross your arms in public and look like you are having a good time. Face out into a bar instead of hugging the rail. Just a few thoughts. Also there is the fear of someone calling rape.
I feel the same way at times. It’s especially frustrating when you make eye contact for an extremely long time but neither one of you wants to make the first move.
If eye contact doesn’t work, then give them a big smile. I’ll sometimes do a smile and that upward-chin-head-nod hello gesture. It’s never failed. Guys will approach you, they just want a hint that you won’t deny them.
Sounds more like a personal problem.
Haha! That’s kind of why I wrote the column…to see if other people have been thinking the same thing too or if “I’m taking crazy pills.” Thanks for that informative input, though.
If you’re sitting with a group of a bunch of your friends, yes, you should come to us. It’s completely OK for us to ditch our guy friends to talk to a girl. One of us coming over to you in that situation usually leads to instant evisceration by the mildly attractive to unattractive mom of your group that for some reason wants to protect whatever dignity you have left after freshman year.
^This. Every Friday night
Second.
You could always grab a guy by the balls and tell him what to do. However, you must obey the Vicky Mendoza Diagonal in order for that to work efficiently.
I only know how to schmooze the ladies when I’m boozin
“But where does that leave all the girls like me—the ones who aren’t forward enough to approach guys on their own, but who aren’t being approached by guys anymore?”
‘But where does that leave all the guys like me — the ones who aren’t forward enough to approach girls on their own, but who haven’t been approached by girls, ever?’
Most of the girls I’ve ever dated have asked me out initially. And it’s not because I’m necessarily hesitant to approach them; it’s because when a man approaches a girl they’re instantly thrown into a vast category of douchebags.