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One of the biggest struggles that I’ve experienced thus far during my time in Seattle is that I don’t know what “normal” is for my own generation. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m hilariously out of touch with almost everything other people in their late 20s does or thinks. I married early, had kids early and bought both my first ever pair of Sperrys and my first Yeti within the past year. And unless you count the PGP event down in Austin from back in March, I’ve still never been to a restaurant and actually had brunch.
Shit, I wrote an article about Birkenstocks and during the submission of said article I called them “Birkensocks” because I legit thought that’s what they were called. Hat tip to Chill D’Breeze for having my back and fixing that so I didn’t look even more like a jackass than I do in my normal life up here in Seattle.
One of the numerous challenges that I am facing up in Seattle might be some form of identity crisis, if I’m being completely honest here. Other people my age are just now considering getting married and most certainly don’t have a son with two more boys due in the next 6 weeks or so. Given that the people I can actually tolerate in Seattle is less than 5% of the overall population, I’m working with an incredibly small sample size of people to connect with. Throw on top of that cultural clash, that I’m already “different” than the 95% of people in this country who aren’t Veterans, and the fact that I’ve hit the major familial life milestones incredibly early, and you get a dude and his wife who are fairly lonely up here. Add in the fact that my wife is measuring at around 10 months pregnant (you read that right, #thxtwins) and we can’t exactly get out-and-about during the summer.
If I had to determine who my best friend up here is after spending four months in Seattle, I’d be hard-pressed to tell you. The person I associate and resonate the most with is actually 20 years older than me. Mix in the fact that I work in HR, which is an overwhelmingly female organization, and even my options for “work friends” become fairly limited. Sure, maybe this is a combination of my lack of general apathy towards the majority of this population up here and my inherent differentness from them. Veteran integration back into the “normal” world is something that almost all of us struggle with. I had a fellow PGP Veteran shoot me an email after an article I wrote saying please don’t tell me “Happy Memorial Day” where we talked about some of our life experiences that we don’t exactly disclose to others.
It felt good to have that conversation because that stuff is inside of us and impacts how we interact with others whether we know it or not. Those experiences are things that have had monumental impacts on our life but are also things we don’t regularly talk about. Because I sometimes don’t even acknowledge those things about myself nearly as much as I should, there is a certain apprehension in just suddenly making new friends in a new place with new types of people.
The struggles around this stuff is one of the reasons that I work in the ‘Veteran Space’ for my current job, and the chance to impact that is literally the only reason I moved to Seattle. I know that I’m not the only former service member having this internal conflict, as evidenced by the 22 suicides a day within the Veteran community, and my goal in life is to drive that number all the way down to zero. With that being said, the answer to that is not simply pretending these differences between us and the rest of the country do not exist.
With all of this being said, one can notice that there is obviously a nice big melting pot of “differentness” between myself and the PNW. The main challenge with this, though, is what while Central Texas is absolutely flush with former military, the City of Seattle is just a little short in that department.
If you take anything from this, let it be this: if there’s a Veteran friend or coworker that you know, take them out for a beer. Don’t make it seem charitable, but make it known to them that they aren’t alone. 65% of us will leave our first job post-military within the first two years, and one of the main reasons for that? A lost sense of comradery that we experienced while we were in the military. Back in those days, we all joined the same organization, for the same reasons, with the same goals and for the same(ish) paychecks. Those days are gone for us now. What was once a very structured life that didn’t require a whole lot of existential thoughts has been turned completely upside down.
I didn’t write this as some form of sympathy tour for poor Kiawah; I’ll figure things out here sooner rather than later. Maybe it’s a vent, maybe I should check out therapy, or maybe I’m finally sitting down and recognizing what the problem is..
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Kiawah Island Strip Club
I'd rather be golfing. Seattle sucks so I write about that. Also work...ish in recruiting. Shoot your resume to kiawahislandstripclub@gmail.com for any and all job hunt questions.
I still haven’t made a really good male friend since graduating college 3yrs ago. Its not to the extent you deal with, but anytime I meet a new person I inherently compare them to my best friends. And when they inevitably fall short, I seem to lose interest. I know its a problem, but I haven’t found a solution for you. Just wanted to let you know this isn’t just relevant to Vets, it speaks to most of this site I’m sure.
“Perhaps I…could be of some assistance.”
No. But really. Same boat.
Your articles are always incredibly refreshing to read, I appreciate the honesty and hope you and your family find more people to connect with in Seattle.
Symbolic tip of the hat to you, sir. I’ve been lucky enough to live in Houston my entire life except my four years at school. I’ve heard how hard it is to move to another city/state (my own fiancé is a transplant if 5 years that still struggles). Your openness and honesty and ability to admit a struggle makes you a man amongst boys in the PNW. I try not to be serious on here too often but you seem like a solid dude so in all seriousness, I hope you don’t let this identity crisis turn into you blowing thousands on low end strippers and even lower end old corvettes. Texas Forever.
At least you have a population to try and find friends at. Try moving to the middle of nowhere Kansas/Nebraska where you are the only college educated person under the age of 50 in the town.
I’m in the exact situation except I live on the Kansas side not far from the border. It’s got its downfalls but after a year of traveling and working in big cities I could never move away again.
The one upside of living there is beer is always two bucks or less so it’s pretty cheap to find drinking buddies. The downside of that is you’re definitely going to get a DUI in the next ten years because there’s no public transit or Uber.
I can get a two dollar beer in KC
IceHouse in Denver has $2.50 Coors Lights all-day everyday, but my ladyfriend is always trying to make us go to places with lighting and cloth napkins…
That’s why you stay perpetually single my friend. Don’t worry you get use to having your hand as your only source of comfort.
I feel like I could do it again in the future if I was married and had kids. But even then I would worry about us not having other people to hangout with. I guess the brain drain has effected all towns differently so maybe I just have to find the right small town.
My husband and I just did this in Nebraska and it’s the shits. His family has been great and we can ranch, but the quality of most people here is pretty awful.
I would love to buy you a beer, but given that I’m 800 miles south of Seattle in that other hipster haven on the west coast, I can’t. But I would definitely be down to contribute to a beer fund via Gofundme or something similar.
And thank you for your service.
No way there’s only two hipster havens on west coast.
That’s true, come to think of it there’s at least 4.
I was coming here to say the same thing.
I always feel weird talking to veterans because it either seems like your kissing their ass cause they were in the military, or an insensitive jerk because you asked how a major part of their life was (deployment/war/combat). It’s hard to be friends with somebody when you know any connection you share will never be like the one they have with their Army buddies. I think being in the military changes people. Not always for the worse, but definitely changes them
Coming from a civilian that’s had several friends and family members in the military, the best thing you can do is just to educate yourself on the military. Try to understand (you’ll never fully understand unless you enlist, but enough to empathize and grasp what they’ve been through) and just talk to them. They’re normal people that have just seen some shit.
Not to plug other media companies/podcasts on here, but I really think you’d enjoy the Podfathers and Zero Blog Thirty podcasts on iTunes.
I know, I know. But they’re solid and might help you not feel so lonely out there in Seattle. They talk about a lot of topics that definitely apply to your life.
Anyways, keep up the good work, Kiawah. Hang in there man. And congrats/best wishes on the twin boys on the way. Texas forever.
As a lifer from the burbs of Seattle (about 30 minutes south) I’ve thoroughly enjoyed these. The Seattle Freeze is real, and 12’s/Sounders fans erk me, and even though I’m a lifer here, downtown Seattle can still be a culture shock.
Anyway, just want to say hello, and if you need an outlet to get away (hard sometimes with a family) but Tacoma offers some pretty good places with some unhipsterish people and it’s near Fort Lewis. Another good spot to get away from it all is to head out to the Yellabeak in Buckley, and make a pit stop at the muckleshoots for a little gambling if you’d like. The Muckleshoots are a sh*t show during this weekend with fireworks. If I see a guy in boots, I’ll say hi and assume it’s Kiawah!