Denver Broncos Wage Unjust War On Farts

Denver Broncos Wage Unjust War On Farts

All of us out there in the corporate world know that meetings are the absolute worst. They are a complete time-suck, and all that ever comes out of them is the need to have follow-up meetings. So instead of actually paying attention, we sit there scrolling through our Twitter feeds on our phone or doodling pictures of the many, many margaritas we plan to have at the end of the work day.

Due to the lack of efficiency in meetings, lots of companies have tried to implement policies to make them more productive. I once had a boss that wouldn’t let you bring your phone into a meeting; I had another one that made everyone stand around the table in our weekly team meeting of sitting down because “you think quicker on your feet.” But if you are the Denver Broncos, the way to you seek to improve your meetings is to institute a “fart tax,” something linebacker Von Miller is paying the price for.

Earlier this off-season, Broncos linebacker Miller changed his diet in an effort to slim down. He told The Denver Post  back in April that the diet was starting to pay off, saying, “I definitely feel like I’m in better shape than I was coming in to OTAs (organized team activities), and I feel like I’ll be in better shape going into training camp.” But there’s one way it’s not paying off, literally: Miller told Nicki Jhabvala, a Broncos writer for the Post, that the team has a “fart tax” during team meetings and that he thinks he’s been fined the most.

Miller does have a system for avoiding the fine, though: he simply crop dusts his teammates.

Can you imagine if we all got fined for cutting ass in meetings? Or in restaurants? Movie theaters? In the privacy of our own home? What is this world coming to? This is America, damn it. And it’s American to let one rip whenever we feel the need – as American as football. #FreeVonMiller

[via CBS Sports]

Image via Joseph Sohm /

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Jenna Crowley

Jenna used to be known as 2NOTBrokeGirls, but then one of the girls actually went broke, so she's struck out on her own. Jenna spends her free time saving the world, one sorority girl at a time (usually while wearing yoga pants), questioning why she decided to get a doctorate, documenting her love of all things cheese related, and hosting the new PGP podcast Don't Take It From Us. You can ask her anything you want about football, using your boobs to get what you want, and pizza at @JennaLCrowley on Twitter or via email at

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