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Sword For sale WARNING might be haunted – $150
This sword is from the 1700s. I got it at an antique store in my memaw’s home town back in 1984. The person who sold it to me told me to be careful because there is a 90+% chance that it is cursed. Since it’s been in my house my life has descended into pure chaos. My knitting group came over and they all said they could feel a strange energy in my sword room (I have a collection of over 100 swords. This is my only haunted sword). Since i got this sword, about 3 times a week a crucifix will fall off of my wall for no reason. I am 76 years old. I cannot have this cursed item in my house anymore. Please take it off my hands!!
What the hell is wrong with this granny? First off, if you’re in possession of a haunted sword, you don’t worry about selling that shit on Craigslist. You take that cursed piece of steel out into the woods and bury it like a responsible member of society, or, better yet, make the trip to Mordor and toss that shit back into the fires of Mount Doom from whence it came. Who in their right mind would pay any amount of American currency for a sword that has a 90+ percent chance of being haunted and actively knocks crucifixes off of walls?
Second, she has a collection of more than 100 swords in her sword room AND she hosts a knitting group in said sword room? What is this life she’s living?! Surely she has children, grandchildren, or, at the very least, siblings who could come over to her house and say, “Elouise, you’re pushing 80, I think it’s time to let the sword room go. Just doesn’t seem safe for a woman of your age to be in possession of that many swords, at least one of which is the length of your decrepit body and almost definitely haunted by the spirit of Sauron.”
I mean, just LOOK at that photo! She’s BEGGING someone, anyone, to come and take this haunted sword from the grasp of her frail fingers! I can almost hear her. “Please, the sword, it’s…it’s a burden. It’s hurting me. Chaos…pure…pure chaos. Take it! Take it!” Fuck that noise. She couldn’t pay me to take that thing.
Can’t wait to wake up in the middle of the night screaming because I had a nightmare about this fucking sword coupled with this poor old woman’s terrifying face..
Click to check out the original Craigslist post
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Ross Bolen
Ross Bolen is a New York Times Bestselling author, co-host of the Oysters, Clams & Cockles: Game of Thrones podcast, co-host of the Back Door Cover sports podcast, 2017 Masters attendee, bigger and more loyal Rockets, Astros and Texans fan than you, cheese enchilada aficionado, and nap god.
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I’ve been trying to sell my sword on Craigslist forever and still don’t have any offers.
This is going to make a great Secret Santa gift at the office.
Don’t you put that evil on an innocent coworker!
Give it to jaytas
She does look like Golem
I’d buy that sword… bitches love swords…
A haunted sword? Psssh
Also, who are you to tell someone what they should or shouldn’t have in their house? If it’s not hurting anyone I say let it be.
You’re really bad at this whole “adding to the conversation” thing.
The fuck is your problem, Cap?
I guess I caught some of the discontent that’s ravaging your sister site. To be fair though, your articles are usually on point.