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There was a time in my life when lying really was the most fun I could have without taking my clothes off. I lived to lie. I lied to my friends, coworkers, and girls I was hooking up with on a daily basis just for the hell of it. I would catch myself in a lie sometimes and think back on it a few minutes later and ask myself why I did it. I’d then shrug it off and forget that it ever happened. Concerning? Maybe a little bit, but I just didn’t care at the ripe old age of 24.
I’d lie about what I did on the weekends to coworkers (which everyone does, but still). I’d lie to the receptionist about what I had for dinner the night before. I’d tell girls who I was actively sleeping with or trying to sleep with that I had a cooler job title than I actually did. None of those things made me feel bad. The only lies I ever felt truly bad about were the ones that I sometimes told my friends.
I’d get an invite to hit a bar after work on a Tuesday or Wednesday and I’d say that I would have to get back to them later on in the evening because I had some errands to run. I’d get a text message about a party happening somewhere on Friday night, and I’d then get into this hour long song and dance about how I would definitely try and meet them there later – all while laying in bed munching on popcorn, watching some shitty Netflix original television series, and having absolutely no intention of going anywhere.
Somewhere between turning 26 and getting into a relationship, I finally began to feel bad about this. Maybe it was because I saw my friend circle shrink a bit. Perhaps somebody flipped a maturity switch in my head while I was sleeping. These borderline sociopathic tendencies towards throw away hook ups and to coworkers who are in most cases twenty or thirty years older than I am are not a big deal. I began to feel bad about doing it when it came to my friends.
I mean let’s face it everyone lies. William Costigan, Jr. asked his therapist if she lies. She lied to do some good, to get somewhere personally, and just for the fuck of it. We lie to keep things on an even keel, and if we have to tell a little white lie to keep it even then so be it.
I’ve gotten into the middle of my 26th year and really started to look back at all of the times I’ve just outright lied to my friends faces about where I was and what I was doing. I know now what has to be done.
Instead of coming up with elaborate excuses for why I can’t come to the bar or a reason for not showing up to some concert that I was ranting and raving about just a few months prior, I’m simply going to tell the truth.
“No, I don’t feel like going.”
It doesn’t sound that easy but I promise you it is. Just give it a shot next time you’re looking for a reason to stay in even though text message after text message is showing up on your phone about how popping the bar is right now.
“No, I don’t feel like going.”
The first few times you do this it’s going to sting a little bit. You’re going to get called some names that you probably would not like to be called. But sooner rather than later, you’ll thank me. Keeping multiple lies straight is tough business. You can get lies confused very easily, and when you’re lying as much as I used to, it becomes a problem on occasion.
I’d get caught by a friend in some miniscule lie and I’d have to either backtrack it completely or feign ignorance. Do you want to know what is more fun than lying? Telling the truth. Telling the truth is better than some sorry ass excuse about how you’re on the other side of town and you’re trying to get an Uber but it’s a 4x surge right now in your area. Telling the truth doesn’t come with any baggage or unnecessary story that you need to keep straight.
“No, I don’t feel like going.”
That’s all you need. Your friends won’t actually care that much if you don’t come out to the bar, anyway. They’re drunk. However, if you want to keep lying about what you did this past weekend to your coworkers that is totally, one hundred percent fine..
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Respond
jduda@grandex.co
If you can’t tell your friends/acquaintances “No, I don’t feel like going”, then you need to grow up.
Fake excuses are pathetic….(unless they’re vv funny)
In my friends group, that would go something like this:
“Hey we’re going to the bars tonight, you coming?”
“No, I don’t feel like going.”
“Stop being a fucking pussy and come out.”
Exactly
I’d rather be told I don’t want to go than get the runaround text that we all know is garbage. I once had a friend go dark on text for two weeks to avoid actually telling us he didn’t want to do something – That is not the move.
Our lives are one giant lie anyway so telling the truth within such a tightly knit and vast web of lies is a good start toward freedom
1. Say I’m staying in tonight or 2. I have other plans, maybe, we can meet up later. It’s not rocket science.
“No I don’t feel like going.” This is what I tell my boss every Monday.
“No, I don’t feel like going.” Works well when said to somebody’s face, but you sound like a real grundle-sniffer if you text somebody that.
Grundle-sniffer. Might steal that one.
*Reads Melville once*
THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE!
I just say I will check my schedule and I never get back to them
You’re the wurst.