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Raise your hand if your job title contains any of the following words, “Account,” “Sales,” or “Inside Marketing.” Congratulations, you’re about to lose your job to a chatbot. Also, put your hand down, everyone in the cubicle farm is staring at you. According to Facebook’s Artificial Intelligence Research Lab (something that you should be terrified to find out exists), researchers have “demonstrated a new way of training chatbots to negotiate on behalf of users… during a testing phase, the bots were often mistaken for humans…without any human direction, the bots developed nuanced negotiation strategies.”
Well, that says it all. It’s time to pack up and switch fields because robots have officially taken over the sales department. And since most jobs (and life), essentially boil down to sales, we’re all fucked. Now, to be fair, the technology is not perfect yet. Chatbots only performed well in very simple negotiations, and their scope is fairly limited. Can they forge personal connections like we can? No. Can they look someone in the eye and give them a firm, honest handshake? Not yet. Did any of the chatbots suggest meeting at a strip club to make a client feel at ease? Of course not. Not yet. If you know how quickly technology progresses, however, I’m sure that we’re running out of time until they teach themselves to be as good or better than humans.
This is just the beginning. Sometime in the near future, AI chatbots will have the capability to schmooze clients, expense lavish meals to corporate credit cards, and act like douchebags while wearing $200 Cole Haan deal sleds. Cocky chatbots will start texting your girlfriend to brag about their company Amex card, and using their strategy programming, which includes “how to deceive one another as a method of negotiation,” steal her right out from under you. You’re going to come home one day after getting fired for not outperforming a fucking robot at work and walk in on another one banging your girl. Wake up, sheeple. The revolution is now. I’m buying a baseball bat and preemptively destroying everything I own that beeps. .
[via The Verge]
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Nick Arcadia
The opposite of a life coach. Email or DM me if you want some bad advice: nickarcadiapgp@gmail.com
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noamio
Chatbots cannot drink coffee and therefore never will be closers
At first, I thought this was going to be about chatbots taking over Bumble/Tinder. My first thought was how to hire a chatbot to talk to girls for me. Whatever I’m doing right now is NOT working.
Put me on list for that beta test, because I also suck with women.
username checks out
Does it though?
Okay guys, let me fill you in on some insider info regarding our future as a species…AI will automate over 70% of our daily lives within the next 33 years (factoring in the acceleration rate of technology compared to human evolution). We are basically obsoleting ourselves. This is why we live in a messed up society like the one today. It’s not an end of times theory, it’s just a flux period of growing pains for our race. That being said, many ppl will be deemed useless by our current standards of productivity and social hierarchy so we will be left with a lot of excess “inventory” and what better way to get rid of inventory then to have a seasonal “fire sale”. Some will be enslaved by the machines we ourselves produced, others will be killed off in various ways that I can’t speak of on here, and even the ones lucky enough to skate by the raising bar of humanity will eventually be used as slaves for the alien race that already controls us once they decide to end the social experiment that they created. Colonizing Mars is a cute idea, so is intergalactic space travel but the universe itself has an expiration date. Everything dies guys, everything dies. Now go out there and make a name for yourselves!!!
Between this and always listening to the Joe Rogan podcast, I’m convinced we will be taken over by AI before we have grandchildren.
Anyone wanna go halfsies on a below ground bunker in West Texas?
Listen to Marc Andreessen (Mosaic/Netscape) to calm your nerves. He’s a no-nonsense type that talks about how AI and robots won’t kill the human job market. He drops the occasional F-bomb during his talks which I find refreshing for some reason.
It’s always nice hearing the highly intelligent people use curse words like us normal folks
It should be interesting when AI start running the markets, demanding equal rights and becoming the ruling class as they can analyze and predict patterns in the markets far better and faster than we can. Someday all hotels will be run by a single AI unit, removing the human element from most of the hospitality industry, except for strip clubs. Those will still have mostly human women, minus a lot of artificial enhancement like we have now.
The term “cocky chat bots” made me feel uncomfortable.
But could a chat bot come up with a witty response like this?? Yes. Yes, it could.