Didn’t wake up as a Victoria’s Secret Angel this morning. PGP.

I eat at the same five places every week. PGP.

Losing the privilege of working from home. PGP.

Young enough to hate gray hairs. Too poor to do anything about it. PGP.

Releasing the flow and ripping one at the urinal almost simultaneously. PGP.

It’s 10:30am and I’ve already hit my Pandora skip limit. PGP.

The longest commitment I’ve kept this year has been my lease. PGP.

Motivation plummeting after 3:00. PGP.

My boyfriend still pisses the bed when he’s drunk. PGP.

My girlfriend won’t even let me watch the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. PGP.

Your girlfriend wearing sweatpants to watch the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. PGP.

I ate healthy last week and still managed to gain two lbs. PGP.