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Let me begin by saying there are not many things I love in this world more than beer and irreverent humor. My iPhone has actually given up trying to auto-correct my words to “duck” and “shut,” which is quite the milestone. But we need to talk about an apparently popular trend among the craft-brewing industry: giving great beer ridiculous names.
I get it, beer is for adults; therefore adult-themed names should be acceptable. But isn’t anyone else a little embarrassed to ask their dad for a “Slutty Blonde” at a family barbecue? Or order a “Raging Bitch” at a lunch meeting? Surely I can’t be the only one slightly perturbed by watching my sweet mother order a “Pound Town” at a family dinner. Why is this necessary?
Craft brewing has experienced a significant uptrend in demand and volume over the past few years. In order to stay competitive, microbreweries have looked to using innuendo and vulgarities in their beer names as a branding strategy. Shock value = name recognition. However, any impact this has is neutralized when everyone is doing it. And believe me – everyone is doing it. Constantly attempting to outdo each other, breweries looking to be unique are simply drowning in the noise, leaving us with nothing but shitty names for otherwise good beer.
Sure, for years we have put up with obnoxious drink names without much of a fight: “Sex on the Beach,” “Blow Job,” “Red-Headed Slut,” and “Dirty Girl Scout,” just to name a few. But how often do you see anyone ordering one of these outside of a 21st birthday or bachelor/ette party? Ordering a beer shouldn’t group us in with this nonsense. I don’t need to be yelling “Slick Beaver” over the aggressive Vance Joy house remix to the bartender. He doesn’t deserve that.
I don’t mean to sound like a wet blanket. Like I said, I love crass humor and saying bad words. Just let me say them on my own terms. If the situation doesn’t call for use of the word “bitch,” I don’t want to say it. I take every opportunity to use the phrase “pound town,” which is why I would like to keep it in my own vocabulary and off of beer lists. Furthermore, I don’t want a first date to see how comfortable I am saying “Tickle my Zwickel” within the first 5 minutes of meeting. Don’t take my dignity; let me lose that shit on my own.
Microbreweries, I love what you’re doing. Keep it up with the great beer. You can even keep your chalkboard signs, Edison-era light fixtures, and long ass benches that no one is sure can fit two parties. I won’t even complain that your beer is twice the price of any domestic at my local convenience store. All I ask is that we dial it back just a little in the naming of your product.
Because if not, I hear there are plenty of 21st birthday girls and bachelor/ette parties who love drinks with ridiculous names. Just saying. .
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Best
Best specializes in making fun of men and wondering why she is still single. She has over 6,000 followers on Periscope, the reason for which she has yet to figure out. Her Tinder bio once went viral for including a pretty mediocre fart joke. Neither of these events she allows anyone in her life to forget.
@WhatTheHellTina
@t_mihel
tina_mihel
I know it’s 9 in the morning but this really made me want a heady craft beer.
Will, don’t let the man tell you what can’t do.
Name checks out.
I’ll have the Hop-bonanza Hop-zilla-geddon 60 decade dry hopped hopsplosion hop-tastrophy 1 Billion IBU quintuple IPA please.
I hear they recently added more hops.
Have you tried that breweries Double bastard triple moose knuckle goat f***er dry hopped Alex Trebek saison?
It’s 11% ABV, but drinks like a pilsner
Still rather hear my father say Slick beaver than Miller 64.
Gonna need to work Slick Beaver into conversations now.
This, last time I saw my father with a Miller 64 it was through two black eyes.
Not really, but I only remember seeing two types of people who drink low calorie beer: Lance Armstrong on TV and people in wife beaters.
What’s a blowjob? #PGP
I think Lagunitas’ Little Sumpin Sumpin was the first crassly named beer I ordered. My wife gave me a horrified look when I asked for a Little Sumpin Sumpin from our fairly attractive waitress. Worth it, because that beer is tasty as hell.
It’s brewed with vaginal yeast from the upper echelons of women in society.
So like, is it organic?
Only if she’s a vegan.
*No vaginas were harmed in the making of this beer.
Grade A
I get where you’re coming from, and I do love a good craft beer, but if you’re going to immerse yourself in the blatantly pretentious world of craft beer, you have to be prepared for it.
Part of the extreme naming is one-upsmanship; the other part is that there are now so many breweries they’re running out of names. I for one thing that if you’re a brewery and you only make one beer of a given style, you should should just call it by the style, e.g. PC Load Letter Brewing Co. IPA instead of PC Load Letter Brewin’ Co. There is No Paper Jam IPA.
Although I can see where you’re coming from, no one is asking cheap wine companies to cut back on the basic-ass wine names. I don’t consider myself a craft beer elitist or even aficionado, but I do enjoy going to breweries because the best ones are usually run by people who are passionate about the beer, so in my opinion, let them name their beers as they please.
Hmm. . . I guess I’ll have a Hopfucker, please.
Honestly, I’d order Tickle my Zwickel just because it made me giggle.