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The internet is admittedly a seedy place. While you can find trouble and smut in nearly any corner of the world wide web, there might not be anything more hilariously awful than the comments on Instagram models’ pictures. Let’s go ahead and breakdown the worst best of the best.
Take this gem of Lindsey Pelas:
can I sex you. Thanks
Damn Romeo. I don’t think anyone has come on as strong or as grammatically incorrect when propositioning a woman as our boy asking if he can simply “sex” her. Frankly, this is a new trend that needs to be applied everywhere. Next season I expect to see LeBron asking “can I dunk you.” before driving down the lane.
Stop showing off your boobs and body that’s discussing bitch
“Discussing”
Great pic…except the frebreese air freshener in the wall. How does the photographer miss that?
Alright chief, slow your role. I’d imagine he didn’t miss that, because clearly this is a photog who appreciates delicious scents. Anyone who hasn’t plugged in a Febreze or a Glade to their wall is living a life of nasal misfortune. And second, how dare you disrespect Febreze with that misspelling. Their spray bottle saves lives.
Up next is model Sara Underwood, who according to my girlfriend was featured on The Girls Next Door. This picture, despite rocking a killer pair of yoga pants, is by far the least sexual on her Instagram. Would the comments follow suit? No, no they wouldn’t.
Have you ever hiked a trail totally naked?
“I’ve gotta get her attention by asking something totally awesome!” Let’s take a step back and think about that question. No, no she hasn’t. Did you think about the logistics of hiking naked? Unless you’re hiking in a nudist colony, that’s a crime. Also, unless you want to be ravaged by sunburn and mosquitoes it makes a bit more sense to just throw some clothes on. Moral of the story, don’t ask dumb questions.
Awesome how you are like dora the explora lol cool
Nothing compliments a woman like comparing her to an elementary school-aged cartoon adventurer. Also, I will never be able to hear a reference to that show again without calling her “the explora.”
I wanna go up that ass @saraunderwood
Poor girl can’t even go for a hike without someone getting filthy in the comments. I’m 90% sure she’s going up that mountain to get away from your thirsty ass. Also, good call tagging her to make sure she wasn’t confused that you wanted to go up someone else’s ass. You don’t want any confusion.
Last but not least, recent guest on Grandex’s Back Door Cover podcast, former porn star and FSU/DC sports diehard Mia Khalifa, who graced us with this:
Can I take you to IHOP ?
Not even going to hate on this one. I’m a big IHOP guy, so I love seeing it getting some love in Mia’s comments. Underrated people-watching spot.
I want to use those eyebrows for rafts in my pool.
Tbh you’d probably fucking sink.
I wanna cum in your eyeball
I’m not sure the act that homeboy is suggesting is even physically safe, not to mention that it would take quite a precise shot from said smutty commenter. I think this is like a step up from a toe-sucking fetish.
I’m drunk. And I know you’re not gonna see this. But I love you.
Anyone who says romance is dead is absolutely wrong.
Omg your so hot I just want to fuck your tits all day and cum all over you
Never mind. Romance is dead..
Image via Shutterstock
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Kyle Bandujo
The artist formerly known as Crash Davis. My kid doesn't think I'm funny.
@kylebandujo
@bandujokyle
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My favorite comment will always be, “As long as I have a face, she will always have a place to sit”
And people say Shakespeare was the greatest poet of all time.
Fuck IHOP. I ride or die with Waffle House.
Wasn’t #blessed enough to have Waffle House in my college town. Rode the WH train every summer though.
It was a blessing and a curse.
I don’t know if the expression, “Shooter’s shoot” is the correct response to these comments? Either way – telling a woman you want to cum in her eyeball is a total powerplay and for that I respect it.
Takes a lot of intestinal fortitude to continue with a line that has minimal success.
Hope you’ve taken time to study film and improve your pullout game with your new girlfriend. Also, congrats on the sex.
1) How did this article make it all the way to conclusion without a single Jen Selter reference. She’s the queen of this behavior.
2) Instagram models seem like genuinely bad people and deserve all abuse and or creeping that is thrown at them.
1) We’ll tackle her comments on the follow up
2) Nah.