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Breaking Down My Unhealthy Relationships With TV Shows

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I’m one of the most loyal people I know. When I enter a relationship, whether it’s romantic or bromantic, I commit to you. I’ll stick up for your dumb opinions and defend the crap out of your honor. If you’re a bird, I’m a bird, even if we fight all the time and can’t agree on anything.

That goes for my girlfriend, my best friends, and of course, my TV shows. That’s right, I said it. I compare my favorite TV shows to relationships, and I don’t think that’s inaccurate. You develop feelings for them. You talk about them with your friends. You get upset with them over small things, like how they could have said something differently.

And sometimes, like an unhealthy relationship, they break your heart, yet for some reason, you just still keep coming back.

With that, I want to talk about some of my most unhealthy relationships with TV shows. As a warning, this WILL contain spoilers.

Community

How we fell for each other: I was in college. Young and naïve, Community was introduced to me by a friend after telling him that I was starting to watch more TV. You know how it goes when you have a lot of time to kill in college. You have to fill that time with something, and Community was a great first run.

How they broke my heart: Everything that happened after Season 3. From the creator of the show being fired from writing it, to Chevy Chase leaving, to Donald Glover leaving…it was just hard to watch. I mean that both literally and metaphorically. It was hard to watch the show because the writing was so bad.

How I Met Your Mother

How we fell for each other: I had just gotten out of my first ever real breakup (meaning, I had just finished Lost). I was on the rebound, looking for something quick and easy that I wouldn’t have to worry about hurting me. HIMYM fell into my lap when I was browsing Netflix one day. I watched the first episode and just like that, we were happily together for the next four years.

How they broke my heart: ROBIN? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? I invested years into this show, only to have them kill off a character—THE character—that we had only known for 25 episodes? Never mind the bullshit drop in quality we got after Season 6. Never mind the entire character of Zooey. Never mind the fact that Ted was way too flawed of a character to be so critical of everyone else. I loved this show. Shame on you, HIMYM, for leaving us with what I consider one of the worst endings in television history.

American Horror Story

How we fell for each other: I was home for Thanksgiving break in 2011 when my mom introduced me to American Horror Story. She raved about it, said it was like nothing she had ever seen before. So that night, I had a blind date with them and watched the home intruder episode of Season 1. From that moment, I was spellbound.

How they broke my heart: You know how there are times when you’re with someone and notice a red flag but ignore it? Some time goes by, and then you see another one. All the sudden, you’re surrounded by red flags and you have to draw a line in the sand. My line in the sand was watching Schmidt get brutalized by a demon in Season 5 for no reason other than shock value. My final straw was when the hikers were shown getting burned at the stake via GoPro camera in Season 6.

Game of Thrones

How we fell for each other: It’s funny, Game of Thrones and I actually got acquainted a few months before I actually got into it. I got drunk one night and we had a little fun together, but it didn’t really mean anything until a few months later when my parents introduced me to it again. It was awkward at first, like putting together a puzzle without a picture for reference. But once we found our stride, boy, did we take off.

How they broke my heart: It wasn’t Ned. It wasn’t Theon getting his wiener sliced off. It wasn’t even The Red Wedding (honestly, I wasn’t a fan of those Starks anyway). It was Oberyn. Oh, Oberyn, you cocky motherfucker. For him to die so suddenly and in such a shocking way made me jump out of my seat. Game of Thrones hurt me in that episode, they hurt me really badly. But for some reason, I keep coming back.

The Walking Dead

How we fell for each other: TWD is probably my longest relationship to date. I remember watching the first season when it first aired and have stuck with it since. You never forget your first love, you know? I wanted to do everything for them. I read the comics. I read the forums. I knew what was going to happen before it did, all because I wanted to show how committed I was. And then…

How they continue to break my heart: Aside from Season 3, the writing died with Glenn and Abraham at the end of the Season 7 premiere. I wish I had more to say, but I’m still coming back every week. RIP in peace, fellas.

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Charlie

Using sarcasm as a defense mechanism since 1993. At any given moment I'm either tired, drunk, or stressed out. Get at me at charliepgp@gmail.com or whatever.

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