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There’s no shortage of information on the internet about how deep your pockets have to be in order to throw a lavish wedding. Groomsmen alone have to spend an arm and a leg just to be in the wedding and bachelor(ette) parties are turning into two-thousand dollar weekends. Once you get to the magical day, though, that’s when things really start to add up.
The only thing people will remember about your wedding are the following: the wedding band, the open bar, and how many times the fun was interrupted by people bumbling through their awful speeches. If you can nail those aspects, you’re fine. But people are spending more and more on things they don’t need which is why the average wedding cost is $26,522 (which is somehow down from 2014 when it was $28,202). Maybe it’s because we’re all poor. Or maybe it’s because people are replacing crystal champagne flutes with mason jars. I dunno, I’m just a guy who prefers blacking out in tuxes as opposed to normal clothes.
But once you really start to break things down item by item, you realize how ridiculous it is that the wedding industry is bankrupting our lives before we can even get started on them.
Reception
You know, the only part that people actually want to go to, will run you a cool $11,380 which is a total of 43 percent of the wedding costs. Between venues, the bar, the band, rental companies, and caterers, it’s actually amazing people are getting out the door for under twenty grand let alone $12,000. This past wedding season alone, I’ve seen cigar rolling stands, sushi bars, and even an artist painting the entire reception in the middle of the reception. So yeah, things can spiral out of control real fast if you keep signin’ checks.
Engagement Rings
When you hear the word “engagement,” you immediately think ring. And justifiably so. Traditionally, you’re going to be told that you have to spend three months salary (pre-taxes) on the clear piece of diamond sitting on your fiancee’s hand. The average for an acceptable rock? $5,135. Do you know how many classic Mazda Miatas you can buy for that price? Like, maybe two. And everyone knows two Miatas are way cooler than one engagement ring.
Photography
As much as we all hate engagement photos, they’re a necessary evil because they’re now the social norm. You might as well have the same photographer do your wedding too because when it’s all said and done, you’ll be dropping an average of $2,099 for someone to make you do cheesy poses in the middle of your loved ones. But if you’re not spending two-large for overly-edited photos of yourself fake laughing with your sig-o, what are you even doing?
Video
There’s no worse feeling than when you’re absolutely shredding the dance floor and you see a video camera pop up in your face. It’s bad enough that you run the possibility of getting caught attempting to Nae Nae on Snapchat, but photographers these days are pushing for video more than ever now that they know they can net an extra $1,533. After all, $1,500 is a small price to pay for that Vimeo video you get to share on your Facebook. That’s, like, only $25 per like when you break it down.
Wedding Bands
You know what’s awesome? Spending more money on a ring after buying the first ring. “It’s just metal, though,” you can tell yourself. But combine the two precious metals together for each person getting married and you’re running at a cool $1,725.
Wedding Cake
As absurd as it is, it’s not rare for both the bride and groom to each have their own wedding cake. People won’t eat it because their sugar intake is allotted for champagne that night, but you can’t put a price on photos of the groom smearing it on the bride’s face. Oh, wait, yes you can. That price is an average of $417.
Wedding Dress
I’ve told you stories about brides who go off the beaten path with their designer dresses, but not all dresses have to be designer. The average dress in 2016? $1,517. But that’s cool, because the cost per wear really works itself out because you’ll totally wear it more than once.
Bridesmaids Dresses
Ah, those hideous bridesmaids’ dresses. They’re made of a fabric that’s going to make you sweat, they’re going to be a soft color that doesn’t flatter you, and you’ll probably donate it to Goodwill about a year after the ceremony. Luckily, they’re only $133 which is about on par for what it’ll cost the groomsmen to rent their tuxes.
Hey, at least you can register for a bunch of expensive shit you don’t need. That’ll even everything out, right? Right? .
[via Bustle]
Respond
Will
Will (Twitter / Instagram) is the host of The Sunday Scaries Podcast.
@willdefries
@willdefries
defriewf
will@grandex.co
Having been down this road, I offer only this advice: Marrying a rich girl pays dividends when you don’t have to pay for the wedding, but the offset is a lifetime of a girl with $$$$ tastes.
Choose wisely.
Up-front reward followed by recurring fees is the opposite of dividends, but I get what you mean.
Beat it nerd, you know what I meant.
Just another post confirming I’d be very happy without a wedding.
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Couple of things: I’ve never paid less than $190 for a groomsman tux so we must be getting robbed. The bridesmaids’ dresses at my sister’s wedding were like $300 so that confirms she is high maintenance. 3 months salary on a ring averaging out to $5135 makes me feel good about myself, so thanks for that Will.
I don’t think I’ve ever paid less than that to rent a tux in Chicago either. I always prefer when we buy suits to for a groomsman gig. Granted their never the nicest suits, but with group discounts it’s not much more expensive and you have a suite forever.
I call bullshit on that $133 average cost of a bridesmaids dress
I paid for 9. Since 1981, no dress has been less than the unicorn price of $133. Yep, I am old, but I know……
After reading all his wedding columns, Will’s girlfriend now calls him Won’t deFries.
As a former jewelry salesman from a very respected family jeweler in Pennsylvania, if you’re not getting 40% off you’re doing it wrong. Most bands from manufacturers are keystone priced (double the store cost) and our loose diamonds were triple keystone. While the salesperson wants a higher commission, the manager just wants to move product. Stick to your guns and get that 10k ring for 6. It’s not that hard
Everyone I know has a “diamond guy”. Research is key.
Going duty free in the USVIs is always helpful too
As someone who’s getting married soon, the average costs just don’t apply. If you live in a major city, have a decent sized family and want to have a nice wedding, you’re paying more than average for every part.
The scariest part (for someone who is paying for it, I didn’t give a shit) is that take every number for the reception and jack it up by a whopping 30% for tax (10% in Chicagoland) and gratuity (20%). So your nice 200-person, $100/head event is not $20k, it’s $26k.
Good reminder to thank the future in-laws an extra 30%.
Destination wedding. Done.
The “We’re hoping none of you show up but feel obligated to send us a gift” option
This is most definitely my plan when that time comes.
Take the money and run.
Screw “professional” engagement photos. Buy a nice camera and tripod for a few hundo, take them yourself, and call good.
Oh honey. I dare you.
I mean, if someone else wants to fund that then it’s cool.
lol. “Hold on honey, we can’t toast yet, I have to reset the timer.” good luck with that.
Going through this right now and the cheapest reception venue (food, booze, location only) that we’ve looked at is $24k. Makes me sick to my stomach to even think about it.
I’m with you. Rock was $10k. Reception alone is nearing $30. It’s become idiotic!
Same. Even when trying to cut some corners it just isn’t going down.