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Last Saturday around 3:30 p.m. with a movie queued up and popcorn fresh off of the stove I got an irresistible hankering for a beverage of the alcoholic variety. I looked over momentarily to my stocked bar cart (minus any kind of rum – who the hell drinks rum, anyways?) and nothing on the shelves was really making my dick hard.
I had been drinking scotch with my father for the last four days and quite frankly I was a little sick of the stuff. It was also, as previously mentioned, 3:30 p.m. And while I maintain a hard and fast position that any time on a Saturday is a good time to have an adult beverage, it felt a bit irresponsible to pour myself a glass of liquor that early in the day.
And so I turned my attention to the refrigerator. A half a bottle of white wine sat next to my BRITA filter and I thought for a moment about pouring myself a glass of that, but from the back corner of the fridge my eye caught a glint of metallic red.
The water jostling around in the BRITA filter showed a reflection of the red and white cursive font on the can. It was dancing, almost daring me to take a chance and I knew then what my alcoholic beverage of choice would be for the duration of the night.
My friends and I lovingly refer to them as “cream dogs.” It’s a thick, hearty beer that represents the three things that America has stood for and will always stand for – getting wasted, breeding clydesdales, and Superbowl commercials. Budweiser, also known as the king of beers, is unlike any other beer out there. Budweiser is the reason that beer companies started making “lite beer” that was less filling and had fewer calories.
But before the health and wellness trend hit America and before everyone started recording the number of calories they ate and drank in a mobile diary we had a choice of just a few beers. Gennessee, Miller High Life, Busch, PBR, Budweiser, and Schlitz were really your only choices if you were alive and kicking pre-WWII.
There was no silly craft beer or artisan cocktail bar for an American to go to. Oh no. If you wanted to get drunk and you weren’t trying to drink liquor, a Budweiser was your best bet because take a look at that list I just gave you up there. Budweiser wins against all of those beers and it’s not even close.
It wasn’t until the mid-70s that America got introduced to light beer and we started to turn on our back on the King. Cream dogs aren’t for the faint of heart. It’s like a turkey sandwich with all the fixins’ in a can, and at 5% ABV compared to 4.2% in a Bud Light you know you’re getting your moneys worth. Now keep in mind that Budweiser isn’t a beer that you can enjoy every single weekend.
It’s a once every now and again beer for one simple reason – they’ll get ya drunk. And goddamnit they are filling. But it’s always a fun night when you’ve got a case of Budweiser with you, and in a health and fitness obsessed world, sometimes it’s just necessary to give all of those yogis, spin instructors, and Crossfit addicts a massive middle finger by throwing back a few cream dogs with high caloric content and a fantastic ABV. And who doesn’t love those clydesdale commercials? God, I love that shit..
Image via Youtube
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jduda@grandex.co
When I get dragged to craft breweries, I ask the brew master for the beer that most resembles Bud Heavy and wait as their face melts a la Indiana Jones and the Holy Grail.
Around here they’re called diesels. Love em. Nothing better than an ice cold bud heavy watching a ballgame at Busch Stadium.
Yep, diesel and bud heavy, been drinking that shit for years. Love it.
My group added “Baby Shaqs” to this above name rotation.
I heard they recently add more hopst.
You never cease to amaze me Johnny Boy. “Who the hell drinks rum?” Foolish thinking. If you don’t like getting RUMbunctious by the pool at least once a summer you’re a square
I drank way too much Admiral Nelson during college to ever drink rum again. Sorry
Dark&Stormy all day.
#TikiDrinks
I’d rather not have a case of Rum bum the next day. Pass.
This article has me wanting to pick-up some Bud heavy tallboys on the way home from work.
Shouts to Entourage.
I had a teacher in high school who referred to beer, particularly Diesels such as Bud, as liquid cereal due to their grain composition. This guy also bribed his class with cornbread and looked like Cap’t Crunch, WILD.
HERE’S TO A COLD ONE WITH THE BOYS!
Bud heavies on the couch, all day long
Great take! I loved Budweiser since college because it was the best possible beer you could find at a college party where Hamms & Busch light were the norm and I kept loving Budweiser ever since!
Cool it with the exclamation points, makes you looks like Kathy from accounting.
Nothing better than an ice cold bud heavy and watching a ballgame outside.